Embarrassed towards girls

[GrkScorp]

You know what the problem is, she is not a girl, i met her on the street, she is just a girl from my class. If the Americans do it the way you mentioned, don't think that the Lebanese people do the same. I can do the talking with her, but i cannot tell her to catch a movie with me for no reason. I gotta tell her i have a crush on you, and i wanna know you a little bit better, then a few weeks later i can plan a date.

i'll give you my 2-cents about the whole idea.. and ladies.. please feel free to bombard with follow-up comments..

when you tell a girl you just met and happen to like.. "I have a crush on you, so i'd like to get to know you better.. how bout a movie date later on during the week"? it translates into something totally different..

think about this for a second.. put yourself in her shoes.. (it's totally different).. she has no idea how you feel.. and she may not even like you.. so.. all of a sudden.. someone comes up to you and tells you that they have a crush on you.. what is the first thing that fires through your mind?

"he likes me? a crush on me? what does that even mean? he doesn't even know me! so what does he like exactly? oh! he likes how I look. eww.. I know what he's thinking then... umm.. no! how do I escape this.." before you know it.. like vash said.. you've thrown the girl into a panic..

the last thing you want to do.. even when you both grow up and are more mature about the whole dating thing.. you don't want to say something like that right off the bat..

learn to be indirect.. (indirect)!!! there's alot more you're saying to a girl when you say "are you doing anything on the weekend? me and so&so are going to see this movie if you wanna come".. you imply and suggest plenty about the way you feel.. and yet, nothing is 100% certain, so it preserved the mystery needed to keep tension high and her interest in you going..

I know.. I know.. you want a date alone.. not with other people.. simple.. (so & so couldn't make it..) well, what do you know.. now it's just you and her.. problem solved.. (bonus? yeah.. she might have not even come if you told her it was going to be just you and her.. because of fear.. so in a way.. you may have to trick her.. but it'll give you a chance to let her feel comfortable around you, and then go out for something to eat later, joke around about the movie "preferably a romantic comedy".. not a good idea to see anything else if it's your first time..)

so.. moral of the story.. start being indirect.. smooth.. and when you're alone.. try to think about the hidden meanings of indirect messages you're sending.. the question should be.. "how can I say I like you.. without saying I like you"? if you learn to do this.. you're all set..

[vashti]

You know what the problem is, she is not a girl, i met her on the street, she is just a girl from my class. If the Americans do it the way you mentioned, don't think that the Lebanese people do the same. I can do the talking with her, but i cannot tell her to catch a movie with me for no reason. I gotta tell her i have a crush on you, and i wanna know you a little bit better, then a few weeks later i can plan a date.

Yeah, I can't say I am aware of the dating protocols in Lebanon. Most of the posters here are American or European.

[GrkScorp]

Yeah, I can't say I am aware of the dating protocols in Lebanon. Most of the posters here are American or European.

awww.. poor Canadians.. no place for them.. : (

[sevag00]

Ok GrkScorp, i agree with you. What is the first thing i should do with this girl? How to start talking with her?

[BlueRaven]

What is the first thing i should do with this girl? How to start talking with her?

You have class with her, right? Well, there you go. Just make conversation about the class, that's the easiest place to start. It seems to me that you're making this much more complicated than it actually is.

[cuddlemonster]

Hi. I have a problem when talking to girls. My problem is that when a girl approaches towards me to have a chat, i immediately get embarrassed, my chicks start to turn red. And now i love a girl, and i want to tell her i have feelings for her, and when she says i have feelings for you too, we will sit down and talk, and i think that i am going to be embarrassed in front of the whole school, because i have this problem when talking to a random girl, so i stay away from girls, which i don't like it, but i must do that, so that i won't be humiliated. So, i want from you guys to give me some good advice regarding my problem.
Thanks

Just MAN UP.

[GrkScorp]

Ok GrkScorp, i agree with you. What is the first thing i should do with this girl? How to start talking with her?

well, take a second, when you're home alone.. to analyze the situation.. what do I mean?

- Is she single? most likely yes, or else you wouldn't be talking about her..
- This is useful information.. I like to call it the pretty-woman complex.. where you have stunning woman.. who gets compliments like "you're stunning, you're beautiful, you're hot" all the time.. and she's still single.. why? because these obviously don't work..
- The way the memory works is by referencing.. it places things in groups whether we like it or not.. not to stir up any bad feelings, but this is largely why racism exists.. (i'm not talking about HATE racism, i'm talking about fear and stereotype racsim).. for instance.. you see someone Black (example), and as much as you want to deny it externally.. your mind is reaching statistical conclusions (most likely poor, most likely a bad student, most likely dangerous).. it is because the media plays this up.. (but that's a whole different story)..
- Why is this important? because it's how women group men.. She's most likely met a couple of losers who couldn't resist but to tell her how great she looks.. and by now, that's a turn-off.. which is why she's still single.. because this method is obviously not working.. If you want to stand out.. you need to try something different and avoid being labeled a loser in her mind..

You need to present yourself as DIFFERENT from the rest of the guys.. imply the bad traits of the other guys.. and suggest (indirectly) that you don't have any of those bad traits.. but before you go there.. be unique.. make a monopoly..

Other guys can't stop telling her how great she looks.. but she probably never gets to hear how smart/creative/compasionate/sensitive/thoughtful/kind/ blah blah blah she is.. the point is.. this is basic flattery.. which works by stimulating the pre-frontal cortex.. which is responsible for perception of (self).. she's NUMB to hearing she looks good, so this has little or no effect..

Further to this science of flirting.. is tapping inter her primative instincts.. work with her subconcious.. and MAKE her fall in love with you.. How?

Simple.. girls get two types of guys looking at them.. 1. guys who want sex (they get nervous, afraid, they smell of it, and it reaks from a mile away).. 2. guys who have feelings for these girls and are falling in love with them.. (they are relaxed, happy, excited, etc.)

but the most important feature of type-2 is the way they look (the eyes).. it's all in the eyes.. they have a warmth to them, an energy.. a sexy and seductive one.. one that says "I know what you're thinking, but i'll continue to play this game.. I know you want me, and I hope it's not too long until you know I feel the same".. (that's non-verbal) and it's conveyed through the eyes..

you can work on it.. but it normally comes naturally.. go to a mirror and relax your eyes.. give them a natural, sweet, warm, inviting look.. it looks one step above friendly..

so finally! what to do? well.. you take a class with her.. so you are in a prime position to talk to her.. DO NOT SIT NEXT TO HER IN CLASS! most women get scared and she may label you as NEEDY or a STALKER in her mind.. sit a seat or two away.. and NEVER let you know that you like her..

talk to her.. and when you do.. hold eye contact.. don't look down.. be confident.. (it sounds cliche' but it's the best advice you'll ever get).. give her the warm natural look.. after all, you have feelings for her.. and it's more than sex for you.. you have to start small..

1. friendly..casual humor
2 casual humor.. suggestive communication
3. casual humor.. flirting
4. flirting.. friendly.. ask her to meet up and hang out..
5. hang out.. friendly.. flirty.. warm.. relaxed.. confident..
6. hang out.. confident.. relaxed.. friendly.. CHARM

charm is where you start to go beyond flirting.. and start to hint at how you may feel about her.. keeping her on her toes.. not fully letting her know.. letting her slowly work her way around the mystery..

I'll get back to you on this one.. I have to run to class..

[GrkScorp]

Wow, class was called off.. thank-you winter!

anyway.. ah yes! charm!..

you should make an effort to always be charming.. it's an art.. and like music and painting.. should be practiced regularly.. every day!

when you talk to her.. you have to have the right attitude.. not arrogant.. not nervous.. in the middle.. CONFIDENT..

confidence is sexy.. for one reason.. because of the message it sends.. and what it implies! It implies many things.. (that you're an alpha-male, that you're sure of yourself and your qualities, that you don't question your abilities and looks, that you have something to offer her, etc.) all of this is radiated off to other people when you're confident..

so.. here's the final gameplan..

you have class with her.. every other day in class.. (not every day.. skip a day).. tell her "hey" and smile.. that's it! occasionally.. say stuff like "you look different, what did you do? your hair.." or "did you get new shoes, I never saw you wear those before"... (It shows her you pay attention and that you notice the small things)..

now.. the game really start after class is over.. face-to-face.. I don't care how much you talk on AIM, TELL HER (don't ask, tell).. "hey, "we" are all going to go to (fill in place here).. you should come, it'll be fun".. before I talk about why this works.. let me tell you the tragedy that guys make.. "what are you doing next weekend.. think about it and let me know next time.. do you want to come?" (all of these leave open the option for a NO or an excuse).. so your chances are dramatically decreased.. what you are offering is a (friendly) hang-out.. to get to know her outside the classroom.. (the purpose is to get to know her better.. and feel more comfortable with eachother).. plus it implies you have friends and that you're normally outgoing..

so.. you arrange this get-together.. try to keep the group small.. (if you're not up for a full-out 1-on-1.. actually call 1 or 2 friends of yours to come along "make sure they are not idiots and won't blow your whole encounter".. try to avoid ugly girls comming along.. (notties are not hotties.. which are jealous of hotties, and will cockblock you to the grave)

on the encounter.. it's your chance to get to know her.. but more importantly.. work your charm.. (this has less to do with your mouth or what you say..).. it has everything to do with your eyes and the way you act.. when someone is talking.. or when she is talking.. look at her.. into her eyes with that warm friendly and inviting look.. when someone says something.. look at her 1/2 or 1/3 of the time.. and make sure you keep eye-contact.. don't be shy.. don't be cocky.. be confident! you want to show her that SHE is more interesting than anything someone else is saying.. and that when SHE is speaking that you are listening (and can process information quickly enough and understand her that you don't need to look away, process, and then look back).. this eye-technique is key!

then, use your eyes and keep your lips slightly open and relaxed.. let her eyes reach your lips.. and then back up.. when they come back up.. give a slow warm smile.. to suggest you knew exactly what she was looking at..

some more general tips.. (wear really nice shoes (not too formal, not sneakers).. women notice shoes at the very begining when they are checking out a guy.. and if they don't like what they see.. few will move along to check out the rest).. so make a good impression.. Smell nice.. and look nice..(don't over do it.. but pick something that smells nice and spray yourself no more than twice on the neck).. deodorant is a must.. and shower.. wash your hair twice.. brush your teeth well and carry mints.. clip your nails.. wash your hands.. and put some moisturizer on them 1 hour before you go on the date.. then wash it off be4 you leave..

you want to present yourself well.. but at the same time.. as if this is naturally you.. and that it's not too calculated.. (so, not TOO much cologne, not too formal with the shoes, hands feel normal like nothing has been on them, but soft.. clean.. well groomed).. all this says VOLUMES about you.. and gives a great impression..

next.. content doesn't matter that much.. but you DO have to talk about something.. please.. keep the subject as far away from YOU as you can.. don't go on & on about what YOU like.. what YOU do.. ask casual relaxed questions.. get to know HER.. and talk about abstract creative topics.. (astrology, mythology, the future, dreams, hopes, etc.) do NOT talk about math, science, etc.. unless she is actively talking about it and is interested in it deeply..

don't reveal TOO much information.. mystery builds tension.. tension builds interest.. interest builds feelings... so if you take the mystery out of the chain.. the rest of it will never occur.. so.. when asked a question.. answer that question.. a little more.. and then move onto something else or ask her something else.. DO NOT give your autobiography in one date.. that's very unattractive..

then, use some tricks, if you can remember to use them.. i'll let you in on a basic one.. the double-a (AA) stands for Argue & Agree... this is how it works.. Women don't like it when you agree with everything they say.. it makes you look spineless-weak-unattractive.. but they don't like it when you have TOO strong of an opinion, and you argue to the end until things are your way.. so instead.. you can reach a middle ground and make her feel good about herself (indirectly)..

let's say you're talking about something (example).. "women earning less in the labor market" [don't talk about this.. just an example].. she'll say something like "women earn less than men, and it's not fair, because women do more work".. [don't say yes you're right..].. instead.. argue it a little.. "well, I wouldn't say MORE work.. there are jobs like construction where men do alot of work and not that many jobs where women can claim the same".. this will go on for a min or two.. where she will try and prove you wrong.. (let her win).. "hmm.. that's very interesting.. I never thought about it that way.. you have a point.. you're right.. wow.. yeah.. you're totally right.. I agree with you.."... This will make her feel like she's won.. like she's beat you in arguing.. which is important for girls.. so let her have it.. let her feel good.. and let her think you're open-minded, confident, and that she's changed your mind about something.. This gives her a "connection" to you.. which is important for her to start having feelings for you..

so.. the night is comming to an end.. you're about to go home.. what to do? let her know how fun it was that she came.. that you should do it again sometime.. ask her how it was.. and ask her for her number like it's no big deal.. (this implies that the two of you have moved onto the next level.. which is NOT yet dating.. kiddy-classroom-friendship either)..

she should leave at the end of the night and think of what a great time she had.. how funny you were.. how much she laughed.. how she enjoyed it.. think about your eyes.. then you.. then about the way you looked.. smelled.. acted.. and will start to analyze to no end.. (i guess this is a good time to mention that at one point.. you should stand up and go to the bathroom.. as you go.. casually turn around to look at her behind you.. if she looks like she just jerked her head down to the ground or away quickly.. it means she was looking at your butt.. but doesn't want to get caught looking.. this is great news.. because the butt is one of the last things women notice in men.. after shoes.. eyes, cloths, face, smile, body, accessories, they will make their way to the butt.. which means she's liked what she's seen thus far to move all the way to your butt.. so you're in good shape)..

when you've done this.. we'll take it on from there.. one small step at a time though.. I think this is plenty to digest for one day

Best of Luck..

[GrkScorp]

Some small tips that you may find helpful..

1. Lips.. Drink plenty of water the night before, and stop pealing your lips if you do.. starting from the morning time.. put some vaseline or lip balm on them.. do this once or twice before going out.. and when you're ready to go out.. keep a napkin or tissue with you to wipe off whatever is on your lips.. Why?

(this will make your lips look naturally moist and appealing, which is very attractive.. think about it.. what does it mean intuitively.. that your lips were made attractive and kissable by nature.. that they're normally like this).. so wipe off any hint of substance from your lips..

2. Lies.. don't.. just don't do it.. it takes a skilled liar to lie and come off as genuine.. it takes an even more skilled liar to lie while hooked up to a polygraph (lie-detector).. but at your age.. it's impossible to lie to women.. you can do it to your friends.. but you can't do it to women.. and no way you're going to get away with it to the woman you like.. Before the lie comes out of your mouth..she'll know something is off.. and when you DO lie.. you'll only look like an idiot and a liar.. which is needless to say.. unattractive..

3. Sell yourself.. the initial part of the courting process is all about selling yourself.. but before you can sell yourself to HER, you need to sell yourself to YOU.. YOU need to believe that you're good looking.. have good things to offer.. are better than most other guys.. and when you have concluded this.. be modest.. don't be cocky like the other guys.. and then.. indirectly try to sell this fact to HER.. by letting her slowly and indirectly noticing it.. (I use "indirect" over and over, because it's that important)..

(it will be alot easier to talk to her and be confident, and seem natural.. and just be yourself... if you really know that this IS yourself.. that you know that you are a high-quality male.. because if YOU don't believe it.. SHE won't believe it.. so make sure you realize your worth..)

4. Don't be shallow.. O.K.. not the best title.. but hear me out.. I know you're going to be nervous.. that's fine.. who wouldn't be.. but chances are.. you've put too much work in looking good and making it such a great night to be that nervous.. chances are.. she's more nervous than YOU are.. make her feel relaxed.. and more importantly.. READ her signals.. and remember them.. remember details.. come back and post up details after the date.. "where she was sitting, touching, her voice, her eyes, looking.. facial expression.. something she said.. something she did..".. you should be analyzing this as you go along.. but it's hard to be objective.. and analyze accurately if you like the person.. especially if you're new to this.. but don't worry.. lol you'll get better really fast..

watch out for eye-contact.. touching.. girls don't get close to guys or touch guys they don't like at this age.. watch out for genuine compliments.. that's a good sign obviously.. lol.. slouching and looking away is bad.. and go to the bathroom at least once.. turn around quickly but relaxed and casually to see what she's doing.. determine if she was really looking at your butt (read post above)..

when you come back.. you might want to say something like.. I think it's so funny that girls look at a guy's butt everytime they want to go to the bathroom.. (her name)!!!.. implying rather obviously that she was looking at your butt.. (this is the cocky-funny method.. it works wonders and is the coup de' creme' of flirting).. read some of my older posts for more of this..

[vashti]

Holy shit, Grk! You must be the reason loveadmin instituted a word limit for posts!

Anyway, that was too much for me. All I was was that you emphasized "charm", and I have to tell you that I, for one, consider excessive amounts of charm to be a gigantic red flag. Charm is usually mastered in order to cover up significant personality flaws, in my experience.

[GrkScorp]

Holy shit, Grk! You must be the reason loveadmin instituted a word limit for posts!

Anyway, that was too much for me. All I was was that you emphasized "charm", and I have to tell you that I, for one, consider excessive amounts of charm to be a gigantic red flag. Charm is usually mastered in order to cover up significant personality flaws, in my experience.

YES.. suave-smooth-talker-charm is nothing more than fake.. and I totally agree with you.. you're totally right.. it's used to hide up something serious.. and in older women (not calling you old).. it will raise a red-flag... but it's pretty clear the guy who's asking about the girl is in HS.. lol

which btw.. did you see the actual application of the Argue-Agree? she actually thinks that I agree.. (i'm just kidding)... lol.. just teasing you vash..

charm is normally not something you should put on.. it should come naturally.. it's a manifestation of charisma and a direct reflection of your true character.. it takes alot of time to properly develop it.. that's because you really have to develop as a character first and get to know yourself.. accept yourself.. love yourself.. and then.. that will naturally radiate.. with zero effort..

but that being said.. guys are notorious for being able to easily fake charm.. as the old saying goes.. "women can fake orgasms, but men can fake entire relationships".. but I wasn't suggesting you FAKE anything.. be cool.. relaxed and confident.. follow what I told you to do above.. and get back to us and let us know how things went.. we'll take if from there when the time comes..

[GrkScorp]

Holy shit, Grk! You must be the reason loveadmin instituted a word limit for posts!

all jokes aside.. hardly.. the reason there's a limit is because sites like 4chan like to come onto forums for fun and crash the servers... so limits are a great way to deter such things from taking place..(400 4chan members crashed the halo3 site the first day within 20mins.. mind you.. this server was set-up to handle a MASS amount of users for the anticipated game)

no offense to LF, but it simply doesn't have the same resources at hand.. so it needs to take proper security measures..

people like me simply find the limits annoying.. but it's a small price to pay to make sure the forum stays safe and working well : )

[sevag00]

Thanks GrkScorp for wasting your time and writing all of this, i really appreciated you doing this, i don't know how to thank you.

[GrkScorp]

Thanks GrkScorp for wasting your time and writing all of this, i really appreciated you doing this, i don't know how to thank you.

oh.. that's easy.. you see.. loveforum has this wonderful feature called (THANK).. lol.. where you thank me.. and I pretend it means something..

don't worry about it.. the best way to thank me.. is do what I told you to do.. be a better guy.. and get the girl you want.. that to me is the best thanks you can give me and YOURSELF..

believe me.. i'm not sitting on here to rake in the THANK count... i'm here, like other people.. to help people in your situation.. with questions like yours.. at the end of the day.. that's the only reward I get.. knowing that I changed someone's life in a positive way.. so just make the effort to get her.. and let's make it go to the next step slowly.. : )

Best of Luck..

[sevag00]

I just realized that i may face some problems talking to this girl in class, since after and before class she is surrounded by her friends, and she is only busy with them. And also at lunch break, she hangs out with her friends, but i always try to find her if she is aone, but finding her alone seems to be impossible. So what do you suggest me to do?