My girlfriend says i raped her

[KirbyFaraone]

Current update is that my girlfriend broke up with me.

i am completely devastated. she says that she can't be with someone who has disrespected her. she also said that if we did get back together then she would lose respect for herself. i tried to do everything i could to make it up to her. Not drink at the next party we went to, promise her i won't drink, take her out to lunch, talk to her, ask for forgiveness, tell her i love her with all my heart... but she says she can't let herself be with me.

I am so heartbroken.

[Kayla]

Now she is using the word "disrespect?" Thats ALOT tamer than the word "rape"- so I guess there you have it. You didn't rape her.. but you did act like a disrespectful jerk. I would keep things the way they are and stay away from her. Yes, you acted like a jerk and i would break up with my bf if he did that, too..but on the other hand, she sounds like trouble.

[ecojeanne]

stay away from her, by the sounds of it, you were lucky that is all that happened. as indi and kayla said, she is trouble.

btw i love this member hurt_confuzd. i laugh at every comment you make. classic

[Kayla]

Kirby- think about her actions after the alleged "rape"..If she genuinely feels that you raped her, why is she sitting around discussing your relationship status?! I know if I really believed this had been done to me, there would be no talking to him- I would be talking to the police. I think she just wants attention- and is trying to scare you.

[phys251]

last night me and my girlfriend went to a party and we both drank, we we're both pretty ****ed up. so after the party we went back to her place and we started talking . we get in and we start kissing each other. next thing i know we are having sex, things are going good at first, she is moaning and wet. after a while i have a hard time cumming and in my drunken state i tell her i can cum but she is telling me to stop. i keep telling her i can finish but she tells me to stop like 3 times cause it's starting to hurt. eventually i do cum. we are getting dressed and she says to me "why did you rape me?" and i keep telling her "i'm sorry, i don't know why i didn't stop" (i usually do stop when i am sober cause i want to make sure she isn't hurt). so we go back and forth i'm apologizing but in the end she tells me to go and so i go back home.

me and my girlfriend had just officially got back together like a day before and she told me that she loved me and she missed being my girlfriend. i'm a good guy and i love this girl with all my heart. i do treat her with respect and kindness. i feel so bad about what had happened i'm so scared of losing her again. what should i do?

Bro, I hate to tell you this: You're gonna have a hard time in a courtroom explaining that that wasn't rape.

[VincenzoG91]

Or at least aggravated disrespect.

[TXChris]

Kirby
I am a forensic psychologist I deal with these cases and as such I would strongly recommend that you take some proactive steps towards self protection. Let me explain. Yes she is your gf but by your own admission it is not a long term stable relationship. People get attacked and betrayed everyday in 20+ year marrages. So the gf part is not protection. Rape has a lot of different definitions but the funamental tenat is the RIGHT TO SAY NO AT ANY TIME. The fact that you were having sex and didn't cum quickly is not a grat defense. She used the word rape. A conviction of rape or even a plea means you have to register as a sexual offender. Your life is shot. Even if ther was no trial think about the Duke Lacrosse players. A rape allegation is devastating. Rape prosecutions are largely determined by the mind set of the prosecutor. My greatest coern is what I have seen on this website. When issues suggesting rape are raised a large number of members say prosecute. Stop and think..This is a very sexually liberated website. If that is the reaction here think about the general public. In realty probably the matter is resolved and there will be no problem BUT there is usually a 10 yr or longer Statute of Limitation in such case. Also delayed reporting is common. Relationships and sexual activity are not safeguards. Ever hear of Date Rape?
Here is what I would suggest. Somehow get her on tape, in front of a reliable upstanding, unbiased witness or to sign a notarized statement that you DID NOT NOT RAPE HER. Obviously handle this delicately but do something to protect yourself. What if you meet another girl and end up dropping this one. Think she might want to be a bit vindictive? The cost is way too high cover your ass. BTW No I don't think it was rape. It was grossly insensitive. But you do not want to have 12 people deciding whether or not they think it was rape. Good Luck Sorry For The Reality Check But This Is Danderous Ground My Friend

[IndiReloaded]

^ NOT a psychologist. Not one from a school anyone has heard of anyway.

[TXChris]

What does that mean?

[IndiReloaded]

1. No professional would come on a site like this claiming to be such. In any case, it can't be validated therefore its meaningless.

2. A registered practicing psychologist needs to have at least a Masters degree and usually a PhD, depending where they are. Based on your post, somehow I doubt you do. I could be wrong, but then yikes. My guess would be a cop or maybe a mature student.

3. People who do have said education level generally know how to spell and write coherently.

On the chance you are for real, you are painting a grim picture for the OP using terms like Date Rape, etc. In this case, it sounds extremely unlikely a charge of rape would stick. If he is accused, he should definitely go to court and get a good lawyer.

I've been on a case like this one. The evidence was even more damning but there wasn't enough to prove rape beyond reasonable doubt and we had to let the scumbag go. In this case, it doesn't sound like the GF struggled (no scratches, brusing, etc), he didn't threaten her, she didn't contact the police right away, there were no witnesses AND they were already dating. The OP hasn't said explicitly but I suspect this isn't the first time they had intercourse. So, given all those things it is his word against hers and her position is tenuous. While its possible this girl might become vindictive enough to accuse him, the OP need not worry himself based on the facts he has described.

EDIT - note to the women. If you ever ARE raped, fight like hell. You want physical evidence of a struggle and you want it documented asap by the police. It is that kind of evidence plus your credibility as a witness that will allow a jury to decide rape. The circumstances of the situation and your relationship with the attacker, if any, also plays an important part in allowing the correct decision to be made.

[misombra]

By the way if you are a cop the texas thing would take a backseat in my level of hatred toward you.

[Illusional]

i think that you should stop drinking for a while... or a long while and make this up to her. she won't trust you for a while regardless of what you think. sure, rape is a vulgar word, but if this is how she feels, you will have to earn back her trust, and that might mean staying sober during these partying nights with her.


raverboy

[Sonrisa]

don't know about rape, but when i start hurting a guy better get off me or he'll punched in the face. for beginners in the art of lovemakin: if a girl starts hurting, you must get off and get down to licking until she gets wet and ready. and then go back at it. thank you.

[Sonrisa]

Kirby- think about her actions after the alleged "rape"..If she genuinely feels that you raped her, why is she sitting around discussing your relationship status?! I know if I really believed this had been done to me, there would be no talking to him- I would be talking to the police. I think she just wants attention- and is trying to scare you.

oh please, women live with so much guilt and shame that they almost never go to police when they get in a situation like this. i had this happen to me once when i was young. my bf (whom i haven't had intercourse yet, we were just in a dating stage) forced me to have sex. since he was much stronger than me and when i tried to fight him off nothing really helped. i let him have his, and after took the keys to his mercedes and bailed (considering i couldn't drive yet i still managed to make it home) of course i never filed any charges but never saw him again as well.

[Illusional]

don't know about rape, but when i start hurting a guy better get off me or he'll punched in the face. for beginners in the art of lovemakin: if a girl starts hurting, you must get off and get down to licking until she gets wet and ready. and then go back at it. thank you.

sometimes, kids will be kids...


raverboy