A guy in need of advice - girls who kiss a lot of random guys?

[basilandthyme]

Confused, you keep using the term 'normal' - as in it's not 'normal' for a girl to kiss so many guys.

I'm sorry, but what the **** is "normal"? The only normal people out there are the ones you don't know very well.

[searock]

searock, I think you're mistaken, certainly someone can get hurt- you don't know these people and they can pull out a knife or gun on you (if you sleep with them).

That's why there was an "If" at the beginning of my sentence. IF I enjoy kissing random strangers in clubs AND nobody gets hurt in the process".

By the way, if someone wants to hurt you, they will do so regardless of whether you initially agree to have sex with them. That wasn't the hurt I was referring to, because it is hurt that someone else is doing to you, and it's not the point. I was referring to women raping/molesting guys, in that case somebody would get hurt and it would be wrong. Or even something non-violent like the guy I'm kissing being married and hurting his wife's feelings, in that case it would be wrong. If nobody gets hurt and we are enjoying it, we should go ahead and do it.

[CrasherRob8]

Confused, you keep using the term 'normal' - as in it's not 'normal' for a girl to kiss so many guys.

I'm sorry, but what the **** is "normal"?

Bout time someone said this. To the OP, you have your viewpoint which people disagree with. I can tell you have a very specific type of person in mind for whom you want to date. That's fine, I'm not going to criticize you on that. Just be mindful that with a specific type of person in mind, you have to be willing to search for a while to find that specific type of person AND to also want to date her.

[searock]

Another thing about "no one gets hurt": yes, people do get hurt, Searock.

See above. I never said that no one gets hurt. I said that IF I like it AND no one gets hurt, there's nothing wrong with it.

If you have a fling with a girl and she falls in love with you, and you turn her down after a fling, then yes, you'll hurt her feelings.

We are discussing casual sex here. Both myself and the guy must know beforehand that we both want JUST casual sex. If one of us develops feelings in the process and the other person doesn't, well tough luck. The same exact scenario can happen when a guy "makes friends" with a girl he is attracted to, and then develops feelings for her and she doesn't reciprocate, so he gets hurt. Does this mean that making friends with people you are attracted to is morally wrong? Didn't think so. It's stupid, sure, but not morally wrong by any means.

Very often, Searock, people do this out of insecurity and complexes. They do it because they have been hurt themselves and now are looking for payback sometimes. Why is it that you feel the need to sleep with a lot of women? Do you need an ego boost because you're insecure? I know a ton of "players", Searock. Most of them are insecure, and those who are not insecure, used to be. I'm a guy. I hang out in male company. I know all of their insecurities. I see it every day. And guess what...I'm not insecure. I have no need to validate myself through promiscuity.

Sure, many people use casual sex as a way to validate themselves and to make themselves feel less insecure. I completely agree with you on this one. Society often tells us that a person's worth (particularly a man's worth) is directly proportional to the number of women he has slept with. It's absolutely ridiculous of course, but it is how it is, and insecure people buy into that crap very easily. As for women, on one hand they are told that their worth is inversely proportional to the number of men they have slept with, and on the other hand that it is directly proportional to their ability to attract men. See the dissonance here? If you need to attract men in order to be worth it, what better way to do so than by sleeping with them?

So yeah, there are many insecure people that use sex as means to validate themselves.

There are also plenty of people who enjoy casual sex just because they do. And there's nothing wrong with that.

You shouldn't be looking for women that have never kissed or slept with guys they just met or barely knew. You should be looking for confident, stable women that you are attracted to and share common interests with - no matter their sexual past.

[HeartIsAching]

Good luck with that. You'll likely die a virgin.

Probably for the best.

[Confused367]

Heartisaching: Me, die a virgin? Lol yeah right.

Searock: Yeah I agree, if no one gets hurt in the process, then casual sex is fine by me. And yes, I failed to read your post properly. Sorry about that. I have nothing against casual sex if no one gets hurt and both parties agree beforehand that it's casual. Perfectly fine by me, we're all adults. However, my mindset is not the same as the mindset of such people. Though I have no problems with casual sex, I would not consider a girl who has engaged in it as a potential partner.

And I will be honest as always - yes, I would actually like a girl who has never kissed before Call me a hopeless romantic, but I think that would be a very romantic experience. Besides, why not make a girl's first kiss special? Oh and by the way, I'm not looking for a girl who has never kissed before. I'm just saying it would be a really cool experience, but I'm not specifically looking for that. I would, however, like an inexperienced girl because I myself am inexperienced as well. You know, birds of a feather and all that...I'm talking no experience in sex here, I'm not talking about kissing.

Crasherrob8: Yes, I know what I need to look for Thanks for the advice.

[searock]

I would, however, like an inexperienced girl because I myself am inexperienced as well. You know, birds of a feather and all that...

This makes sense and I can totally relate to it. When I was inexperienced, I too wanted a guy that was equally inexperienced. It's SO MUCH better to go through the whole exploring phase together, as opposed to being "introduced" to it by a more experienced person. IMO, of course (and I think yours too).

I'm glad you stopped saying that people who have casual sex have no respect for themselves. That's judgmental and not necessarily true. It's ok if you personally don't like the idea of casual sex and would rather not date women who do, just don't be judgmental about it by implying that they have no values or self respect.

As I said, I think your chances will improve if you write that you are looking for a sexually inexperienced girl because you are inexperienced (don't leave this part out or you will come off as extremely creepy) on your dating profile. Good luck with your search.

[HeartIsAching]

And I will be honest as always - yes, I would actually like a girl who has never kissed before Call me a hopeless romantic

How 'bout if I just call you an idiot?

[KingZ]

Sorry I'm late, I was pretty fu​cked up last night. What were we talking about? Casual sex with strangers?

- - - Updated - - -

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Weird.​​​​​​

[Confused367]

Heartisaching: That's a good one. Found it funny haha xD However, next time you might try NOT taking a quote out of context when you quote someone. It's a shi**y way to debate, not to mention it's a pu**y move to debate that way. And it does not add to the discussion. And I really don't appreciate it when someone does that and tries to make me look bad.

Searock: As far as me wanting an inexperienced girl is concerned, I agree with you. Because just like you, I want an inexperienced girl to try new things with, go through the whole exploring process with her and so on. Because I also believe (just like you it seems) it would be so much better to do it with someone with whom you are on the same wavelength regarding sex. It's basically new for both of us, and there's no pressure really. So yeah, hopefully I'll find a cute, inexperienced girl to be with Thanks for the support

[countrysailor]

If the number of guys she has kissed bothers you so much, then end it. Obviously she isn't the girl for you, keep looking and you will find someone that fits what you are looking for.
Yes I will agree to am extent. Kissing 30 different people by the time she was 20 does seem like a large number, but that is her choice. Unfortunately I knew gals that had that many sexual partners by that age.
What if she was 30? Would her having kissed so many people still bother you?
I'm 34 and I know allot of people that find it odd that I have only had 3 different lovers. I do not believe in 1 night stands or FWB, I am only interested in monogamous relationships. But I will not look down on people that enjoy them. That's more power to them, they are comfortable enough to live that carefree life style. As long as they are being safe and haven't received any STD then there shouldn't be a problem.

[michelle23]

Okay well I am 24, I have only slept with two people but when I was younger I kissed a lot of guys. I was dating most of them but only for a short time so nothing else happened as I wasnt serious about them. I have a lot of integrity and self respect and I am a really loyal, trustworthy person so I think you are wrong for judging this girl. My bf has never even asked me how many people I have kissed and I dont think I could answer the question if he did lol. I dont care how many hes kissed either. I think he kissed loads of girls as a teen but he only slept with 3. As far as sex goes-we share the same values and monogamy is important to both of us. That is all that matters

[bulrush]

This girl is 20 years old, and is actually a virgin, but...she says she has kissed almost 30 different guys. So, she's 20 years old and has so far kissed almost 30 guys... Now, I didn't come here to ask if this is normal, because I know it's not. As far as I am concerned, I have already scratched this girl off my potential girlfriend list. Because there's absolutely no way I'm putting my tongue anywhere near her mouth, because that is seriously disgusting. My stomach turned a bit when she told me this, and I'm not even kidding.

You are totally unrealistic and I can see why you have had no love life. She might have been looking for "chemistry" and that's why she kissed those guys.

You also sound either 1) highly judgmental or 2) possibly have an anxiety disorder or something. Both will significantly hinder your love life.
I've seen both myself.

[Confused367]

There's nothing to end with this girl because I didn't start anything in the first place. Also, I did not ask her how may guys she kissed, the conversation simply led to that. I am also one for monogamous relationships, so yeah. I don't mind kissing someone because you like them, but 30 guys by age 20 is way too high a number. And I don't want to debate how appropriate that number would be if she was older, that's a stupid discussion.

bulrush: I've already told this to someone before, and I'll say it to you as well. I'm not judgmental, I'm different in the way I think. Intimacy is not something I share with everyone I meet, it's something I only share with someone I really like. And no, I have no anxiety disorder. I'm different in the way I think, and I don't want to be with a girl who sticks her tongue in everyone's mouth. I don't care if someone does that, I'm not standing in anyone's way or telling anyone what to do and how to do it. However, this issue to me personally, is one of self respect and integrity. Maybe it's not for some, but for me it is.

Also, as far as this girl is concerned, she said herself she only goes out and kisses guys she likes. So basically, there were like 30 guys she liked and kissed, but for some reason she was unable to start a relationship with any of them. If you're saying you met 30 guys you liked enough to kiss them, but could not have a relationship with any of them, then that means she is either looking for flings (and I am not interested in flings) or she has huge issues bonding with a person on an emotional level. In any case, I'm looking for a relationship and not flings, and she can't give me what I'm looking for. The only thing I could be to her is number 31. And I certainly won't stoop that low.

[searock]

I don't mind kissing someone because you like them, but 30 guys by age 20 is way too high a number.

I don't want to be with a girl who sticks her tongue in everyone's mouth. I don't care if someone does that, I'm not standing in anyone's way or telling anyone what to do and how to do it. However, this issue to me personally, is one of self respect and integrity. Maybe it's not for some, but for me it is.

The only thing I could be to her is number 31. And I certainly won't stoop that low.

Here you go again, being all judgmental. There is no "right" number, at any age. She obviously doesn't stick her tongue in everyone's mouth and you know this, so your choice of language is very judgmental and offensive. It wouldn't be "stooping that low", it has nothing to do with moral values or integrity. It also has nothing to do with self respect, I thought we already got that covered. Also, just because she was looking for flings up till now doesn't mean that she isn't looking for something more serious now.

Also, as far as this girl is concerned, she said herself she only goes out and kisses guys she likes. So basically, there were like 30 guys she liked and kissed, but for some reason she was unable to start a relationship with any of them.

Correction: she didn't want to start a relationship with any of them.

You have every right to want to be with someone that shares your views on the subject. Someone as conservative as you and someone as inexperienced as you. However, don't be judgmental about it. A person's sexual past per se says absolutely nothing about their integrity, self respect or moral values.