Forgetting first love to new relationship? Feedback needed

[elNatural]

hey man,
ive been in a relationship recently with a girl that has a problem very simular to yours, and i also just got out of a 2 1/2 year long relationship less than a month ago (different than the girl with the simularities), and im guessin im around the same age (20 for me) so i will try and analyze how you might be feelin so please correct me where im wrong.

you can only start healing from your past relationship once you realize where the pain is coming from, this is also going to prevent you from using future girlfriends to cover the pain ( i like to use the analogy of placing a bandaid over a gunshot wound). you say that you miss the 'us' instead of 'her', this is because you actually miss the happiness that you felt when you were with her. every time you think about her you remind yourself of that happiness you felt, and whenever you are with another girl you become afraid that you cannot surpass that happiness. you are creating your own downside, your heart is still attached to the feelings you experienced while in love with ur past gf, therefore it is closed to absorbing equal or greater feelings from other girls without wanting to return to the known experiences.

YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON THAT CAN DECIDE IF YOU WANT TO BE HAPPIER. so do you want to keep those known experiences or do you want to be happier than you ever imagined? the only way you can get over your past gf is by wanting yourself to grow and become better than before, you are only tricking yourself whenever you remember that past happiness because you in turn think it is happening now but you arnt, it is like a drug and you are addicted. you must break your addiction by wanting more, you have to find that motivation within yourself to change.

the only advice through example i can give you is what ive realized this past month after breaking up with my first true love. 'love' alone cannot bring you true happiness in a relationship, a mutual respect between each other is needed, and your past gf obviously did not respect you the same ways you did her if she has teased you into feeling things that she obviously did not recipricate. you should want better for yourself, and you can find better, but only if you open your heart and mind to other people. once i realized i could deal with the pain of not having my first love and finding out i did not miss her as much as the feeling of always having someone that wanted and needed me, i no longer worried about using future girls to fill her spot. i know that my mourning is ok because i am still recovering from the normality i had grown into during those 2 1/2 years. it is different for you because you have already had another 2 years of being without your first love but if you never realized the difference and importance of changing you should address that now, and it should help with wanting more than your past feelings of love. i forced myself to remember the feelings i had with my first love and why i wanted to move on. it is the most painfull thing i have ever felt but i knew that i had to face it or it would effect everything else the rest of my life, we change so much during our 20s, it is very hard to find someone that will be able to change the same ways along with us.

i hope what ive said can help, and im interested if you find some other ways to get closure from your first love because im still friends with the girl with the same problem as you, and i would like to help her as well. sry for being so long but i tend to ramble somewhat, if you have any questions please ask because talking about it helps me out a lot too. thx.

[Gigabitch]

OH MY GOD- This is my favorite new poster. This guy is great! (Now don't turn into an ass and make a liar out of me.)