The Girlfriend wants space

[wintersend]

I am finding all of this so difficult , when we first started going out she had all the insecurities and she was really clingy and i didn't mind that at all.

I asked her yesterday what she wants and she said she wants this too work but she just needs space to sort out her head , her emotions and her temperamental moods, she has lately been getting really angry and aggressive (she used to be laid back).

I really want this to work , i do truly love her and we have had some really great times. I try and show my support for her and try and talk to her about her problems but she just doesn't want to talk about them.

I have read lots of similar situations to what i am going through and everyone seems to post "she wants to break up" or "she doesn't want to be with you", however i have asked her if she does want to make this work and she always tells me that she does want to make it work.

I asked for a woman POV because i truly believe they are the best person to ask and talk to when someone is going through a situation i am going through.

My girlfriend recently lost her nan and also found out that her dad is not her real dad , so these are the things that she is going through at the moment.

I will give her space , we have arranged to meet up friday to go out for some food.

She also told me that we need to sort ourselves out before we sort our relationship out , which i do agree with. With her recent moods and her being distant with me has made me insecure very insecure and by me being insecure it pisses her off and we seem to be stuck in a circle. So maybe this space apart will give us time to work on ourselves but also i do think that we shouldn't be doing this by ourselves and that we both should be working together.

There have been some really helpful discussions and others that just play on my insecurities , but i do believe that she doesn't want to split up, if she did she wouldnt of told me that she wants this to work ? or that she texts me that she loves me ? also i dont have to initiate contact with her and she will text me.

Or is all of that i mentioned above a game is she playing a game with me? i always read to much into situations i always over think.

[smackie9]

This has nothing to do with you really, her interest is going to someone else. If things have been off, and then she asks for space, that's a good indication she has been having an emotional affair.....possibly someone she works with, a Gf's friend, or some guy she has been chatting long distance with. She is making steps to end your relationship.

[wintersend]

if she has been having an emotional affair then why hasn't she broken up with me , i ask her if she has been seing someone else and she denies it.

This is all so confusing

[IndiReloaded]

From what you've posted, I'd say she is at a critical decision point. She is trying to decide to stay or breakup with you. Your last post is disturbing b/c it still sounds clingy and insecure. I will say this again:

I agree with Stung. You need to back way off from her. What I suggested was just a way to make sure she knew you are there for her before you dropped off the radar. But Stung is right: she already knows, and then some.

If you don't do this immediately, I do think she will never come back. Stop calling her and talking to her. If she calls, don't answer. Same for text. Things that are scarce have value. You are contributing to ending your relationship. Also, you don't seem to truly respect her: if she asks for space, then you should give it. Stop being so selfish.

[smackie9]

She is at a crossroads, and that is why she needs her space to decided what direction she wants to go. If there is someone, they could be living on the other side of the world, and relocating to be with someone is a big step. Does she stay with a for sure reliable thing? or does she follow her desires and throw caution into the wind? I'm just putting out there as a possibility not reality. Remember not everyone thinks that an emotional affair is an actual affair. They look at it as a special friendship so they wouldn't refer them as "someone else".

Everyone is right, you need to make yourself scarce, and whatever is going on will be sorted out soon enough. Worry about it then.

[IndiReloaded]

Smackie, you are making entire posts based on a false premise for which there is no evidence at all. Perhaps I missed it, but he hasn't posted *anything* that suggests she is cheating. Her family troubles are more than enough to make someone ask for space. People who 'think' like you (I use the term loosely) are a menace to our society. You may be right, but until there is evidence perhaps consider all you are doing is stirring the pot and contributing to his insecurity.

[wintersend]

Indi you have been a great help , i am going to take your advice.

I am going to give her her space that she needs , but do you think i should avoid contact even if she contacts me ?

[smackie9]

When a girl says those things it means she doesnt want to date you anymore.

Hey I'm not the only one here that thinks this. Sometimes when people are at their weakness find solace in escaping with someone that is not connected to the situation, instead of just working on a solution. Or maybe she did try but it made it worse so she had no choice but to push him away. As usual this is a public forum and there will be different opinions because we are only guessing. We can't determine things 100% because for one we are only getting only one side of the story, information is left out and we personally don't know either of them.

So what it comes down to this Wintersend....you are always best to talk to someone who is closest to the both of you. If you have already I'm curious as to what they have said and is that why you are here asking the public for further opinions.

[IndiReloaded]

but do you think i should avoid contact even if she contacts me?

Yes. Let it go to voicemail, etc. Only get in touch if its an emergency (i.e. someone dies). She asked for space. She needs to feel what its like to be without you for a while. See how things go, post here how she responds. I don't know the exact amount of time to avoid contact (at least a couple of weeks, but it depends). There are others who have gone through this and will know the signs of when she might be ready to be approached again. Meantime, go out an have fun, do the things Stung suggests. Good luck.

[wintersend]

I have spoken to a few of our friends

And they just said to me not to worry and just to give her her space so she can sort herself out , but then my insecurities kick in and thats how i got here. But our freinds are more of her friends if you get me and they could just be covering up for her.

[IndiReloaded]

Hey I'm not the only one here that thinks this.

There is no lack of people out there who lack critical thinking ability. Also, surfb didn't say anything about her cheating with someone else. You took your posts to a whole different level, describing a situation for which there is *no evidence*.

"My girlfriend has been having some serious family issues and has asked me for space.... THEREFORE she is cheating."

Doesn't follow, does it? Here, have a read on a lazy Sunday am.

http://www.criticalthinking.org.uk/unit2/fundamentals/elementsofarguments/conclusions/

[smackie9]

I have spoken to a few of our friends

And they just said to me not to worry and just to give her her space so she can sort herself out , but then my insecurities kick in and thats how i got here. But our freinds are more of her friends if you get me and they could just be covering up for her.

Listen to your friends dude, they know you best. I don't understand why you can't trust those closet to you. Your insecurity is going to be the death of this relationship if you are not careful.

[smackie9]

There is no lack of people out there who lack critical thinking ability. Also, surfb didn't say anything about her cheating with someone else. You took your posts to a whole different level, describing a situation for which there is *no evidence*.

"My girlfriend has been having some serious family issues and has asked me for space.... THEREFORE she is cheating."

Doesn't follow, does it? Here, have a read on a lazy Sunday am.

http://www.criticalthinking.org.uk/unit2/fundamentals/elementsofarguments/conclusions/

I said it's a possibly.

[wintersend]

i know i need to sort out my insecurities "/ , i need to give her her space and then we will see how things work out , i need to show her i trust her as well.

[IndiReloaded]

I said it's a possibly.

Come on, Smackie. I know I'm not giving you a graceful out here, but you went on describing someone on the other side of the world even and explaining emotional affairs... LOL.

Not all 'possiblities' (nor ideas) are of equal value. Based on the evidence he gave, its equally likely that she is *not* cheating, but you didn't choose to phrase it that way. Check your assumptions, Smackie.

Anyway, you didn't sign up for Critical Thinking 101, so I'll leave it at that.