What's really going on? I can't figure it out.

[cycletease]

Cycletease ... you really should be doing this for a living!

Thanks! It makes me feel good that I could help in some small way.

[diablo robotico]

Thank you for your kind words of support.

I have been reading some of your other posts and am sorry you are also suffering at the moment. You seem like a kind and emotionally generous person - that is very valuable. You may be right for her, but she may not be in a 'place' where she can appreciate and recognise this. Her priorities and understanding of life and what she wants from it might be prevent her from seeing this at this precise moment - it is not a reflection of you. She is lucky to be loved by someone in touch with his emotions, who is able to express himself and be vulnerable.

I truly get the feeling you will be just fine, it'll just take some time!

Thanks for the compliments, and thanks for the support!

I think you'll be fine too, actually.

[diablo robotico]

Cycletease ... you really should be doing this for a living!

Agreed!! If it hadn't been for cycle's councelling today, I would've been checking my email dozens of times to see if *she'd* written! Instead of only once.

[cycletease]

Agreed!! If it hadn't been for cycle's councelling today, I would've been checking my email dozens of times to see if *she'd* written! Instead of only once.

I am proud of you! I knew you could do it!!!

[natashab]

You did great and you should feel good about yourself for being the type of person who is so loyal and committed that they will fight 'til the end for someone.

Thank you. Your replies keep making me cry...but in a good way. I suppose in time I might stop thinking about what more I could have done.

I know I am being repetitive..... but as someone who loves and cares about him, I feel I should have encouraged him more to get professional help and that perhaps I let him down in a way. I guess I was too lost in the situation to know for sure he had a problem and that it wasn't just 'me'. I should have found this forum a year ago!

Do you think that in time, when I am stronger and when I can imagine just being his friend, that I should carefully urge him to seek help?

[cycletease]

I think it really does help to have all these people on the forum who are going through the same emotions that you are. You are not alone, we have all had to go through this process of the broken heart.

I am the worst with a broken heart and I just hate seeing everyone else go through it. But I also know through lots of experience that it does get better. There will come a time when you guys can look back with a huge smile and feel great that things worked out like they did.

[cycletease]

Do you think that in time, when I am stronger and when I can imagine just being his friend, that I should carefully urge him to seek help?

You truly do have a devoted heart. In spite of all of the pain and torment he has caused, you look at him with tenderness instead of bitterness. With a soul like yours I see many great things. You are a wondrament and it is a pleasure to meet someone like you.

Regarding your guy, my guess is that a man of 40 has worked dilligently to avoid therapy and that there is little that you can do to get him into counselling he doesn't want. From the sounds of it he doesn't want to see that he is the issue and I suspect that he has had similar relationship endings in the past.

No matter how much you want to help him, you cannot help he who doesn't want it. I strongly doubt that he will see you telling him to see a therapist as an epiphany and feel grateful for the insight into his psyche. Likely he will respond coldly and bitterly towards you...very sad for him.

No, I think that your efforts for this one have to end here. You have done everything you can. Now free your soul of this burden and get onto living. I am proud of you for making it through this while retaining the kind person that you are.

[bohemiandonut]

Sorry, I couldn't resist flooding the site.

Oh, good job on this one cycletease, you've been very kind.

Yeah, nothing to say... Peace!

[cycletease]

Sorry, I couldn't resist flooding the site.

Oh, good job on this one cycletease, you've been very kind.

Yeah, nothing to say... Peace!

Ok, Donut, Post up....what's going on with you?

[mhussain]

look i am presuming that u have a male friend who plays cricket. well i do and here is a tip!!

buy a new bat and practice on him. it is because of girls like u that good guys out there are still single. if uknow that he is such a pani in the butt and abuses u so much mentally why do u stick around with him. please leave him and u will definitely find someone better.

please stop making ur life miserable. *sighs*

Hussain

[natashab]

it is because of girls like u that good guys out there are still single.

I take your point, and thank you for your response. BUT I feel he has reached the place he's in because of many factors and that doesn't make him a BAD person. I could trust him 100% to be faithful and he was often supportive and complimentary towards me. However, I do realise his behaviour wasn't fair or right.

Listen.... I dream of being with a 'good guy'. But you know what? I wonder whether a 'good guy' would want *me*. On some level, I suspect I felt I deserved the bad stuff. I suspect on some level, I feel that a 'good guy' would be too good for me...

In short, I would love a good guy. I feel your accusation is unfair.

[bohemiandonut]

You don't "deserve" the bad stuff. But if you think you do, then that's what you will probably get. Kapeesh?

[Chlorine]

Natashab-----"On some level, I suspect I felt I deserved the bad stuff. I suspect on some level, I feel that a 'good guy' would be too good for me..."

This is a scary statement. It reminds me of "battered wives syndrome". Wives who put up with husbands who bash the crap out of them, and they put up with it because the think they deserve it.

[confusedsoul]

look i am presuming that u have a male friend who plays cricket. well i do and here is a tip!!

buy a new bat and practice on him. it is because of girls like u that good guys out there are still single. if uknow that he is such a pani in the butt and abuses u so much mentally why do u stick around with him. please leave him and u will definitely find someone better.

please stop making ur life miserable. *sighs*

Hussain

Hey and if just the practicing doesn't help very much (i.e say you cant hit that hard!)... yell "tendulkar" or "Gilchrist" while hitting, this would definitely work.
BTW Hussain, when you said "Pani in the butt", I tried to make sense out of the sentence for a while.. well I hope u know "pani", then you would get my point

[confusedsoul]

Listen.... I dream of being with a 'good guy'. But you know what? I wonder whether a 'good guy' would want *me*. On some level, I suspect I felt I deserved the bad stuff. I suspect on some level, I feel that a 'good guy' would be too good for me...

Hey sorry for adding to Hussain's post, I mean if you think that's unfair then sorry...

But the above sentence just reminds me of myself, ok I might or might not have that many issues with self confidence. But with my gf I felt this for a long time that she was too good for me.. I still feel that in someway, but frankly we are all good in our own ways and its untrue that someone with whom we were for such a long time "were too good for us".
I just feel that dont take him back thinking that "you deserved what you got" or that "nothing better can happen to me". I know that ONLY comes out of your insecurity, your lack of self confidence so please dont fall for that.
If you find any better reasons, and you can accept what he is and really believe you wanna live with him then go for it!!!