Sexual Intimacy

[DarkAzrael]

I should mention that it isn't that there is no desire to be physical on her part. The reason why she won't let me get to second base is that she doesn't feel she would be able to say "no" if anything progressed physically any more than it already has.

I've learned a thing or two in the bedroom n the time since I was a shy 14 yr old boy, and I'm pretty sure I could push her buttons and get her to the point where should would given in to physical urges, but I don't out of respect to her. I wouldn't want to ever do anything to hurt her.

It's just hard to express love and intimacy without the physical aspect of it. When I kiss her I don't want to have to be worried about what areas I shouldn't touch, or retaining complete control of myself. I just want to let go and be with her wherever and whatever it leads to.

I just could never find the words to tell her how special she is to me and how much I love her, I'd like to be able to show her.

[DarkAzrael]

And how old are you and she?

She just turned 28 a few months ago, I turn 28 this coming December.

[jrharvey]

Ok honestly its the "GOOD" ones that hurt you the most. Yes it is hard to find what i would consider a good woman. I definately would not rush marriage as it seems like you guys need some time to figure this out. If you talk about it to her then dont act like its hurting you to go through this. That will most likely push her away I think. Maybe just casually like its nothing.

[girl68]

A 28 year old woman who can't control her sexual urges therefore she lays it on you... is how should I say? Weak.

[DarkAzrael]

A 28 year old woman who can't control her sexual urges therefore she lays it on you... is how should I say? Weak.

I don't think it's that she has no control, I think it's more along the lines of her worrying about the potential of giving in and not wanting to risk it.

[Gigabitch]

Has she had a history of assholes dumping her as soon as she gave it up?

[DarkAzrael]

Has she had a history of assholes dumping her as soon as she gave it up?

Yes, and several who treated her like crap after they got what they wanted. A few dumped her because she wouldn't put out, one did so on her birthday.

[girl68]

Even given her history, it's obviously true that she doesn't trust you. If she did, she would know that even despite her having sex with you, you will stay with her, love her, care for her, and be a giver in bed.

This speaks volumes about how she feels about your relationship.

So seeing that she doesn't trust you... do you think it's fair to HAVE to marry a girl to get her to trust you?

Ponder that for just a minute.

[DarkAzrael]

Even given her history, it's obviously true that she doesn't trust you. If she did, she would know that even despite her having sex with you, you will stay with her, love her, care for her, and be a giver in bed.

This speaks volumes about how she feels about your relationship.

So seeing that she doesn't trust you... do you think it's fair to HAVE to marry a girl to get her to trust you?

Ponder that for just a minute.

I don't think it's because she doesn't trust me. She has worries, but we do sleep together sometimes (emphasis on the word SLEEP) and we have done other things. She trusts me enough to not worry about being forced or coerced. I think she feels safe with me in general.

I think a big part of her wanting to wait may be due to religious beliefs. After a string of bad luck and failed relationships she decided to find direction and the direction she found was church. She now regularly attends. I think that may be a big part of it.

I do worry about her seeing an ex though. She has talked to an ex a few times, even spent a day with him, and she hid that from me. She says that they only talked and nothing more happened and that her sister was with her, but I worry.

I have been cheated on before, so I try to not bring jealousy toward new women in my life because of what others have done, but it is very hard at times.

[NeoSeminole]

like I said, this woman is f*cked up and is pulling the OP down with her. It seems he's already lowered his expectations and self-esteem based on all the excuses he keeps coming up with to stay with her.

[girl68]

OP all you do is justify her actions- so why are you on here. We've offered you suggestions/ advice and all that and all it really seems like is you, agreeing with her decision to hold off sex. So really, what's your problem. All you've said here is that your gf won't screw you, and here's why- but you understand... so it's all good.

[DarkAzrael]

like I said, this woman is f*cked up and is pulling the OP down with her. It seems he's already lowered his expectations and self-esteem based on all the excuses he keeps coming up with to stay with her.

I wouldn't agree with lowered self-esteem, but lowered expectations about women.... Well you show me a girl who can work part time at a McJob, can use basic household appliances (like a vacuum) without destroying them, and won't sleep with the entire city and I'd be awestruck.

I wouldn't say I have excuses for staying with her. She makes me feel more loved just by holding my hand and looking into my eyes than any other woman ever has with anything they have done. We can still spend hours talking every day. We agree on everything important. She is a great cook, quite a little homemaker. She is great with kids, very sweet. She really makes me happy.

She is a very moral person. She made some bad decisions previously, but she has turned that around a full 180 before we started dating. She is finishing up her degree, no more issues with guys, etc.

She says that she needed to resolve things with the ex because he didn't want to let things stay ended, and she knew that with what he has put her through, if I was there as protective as I am over her that there might be an issue. Which is why they met in a public place with her sister.

I trust her to have told me if something happened. She says she did not immediately tell me because she was worried I would be mad at her. She did however tell me a few days later.

The sex issue can be an annoyance, but I can get by on my own for a while. Not like I didn't throughout puberty.

It does hurt on an emotional level though at times, because I just want to be with her.

[DarkAzrael]

OP all you do is justify her actions- so why are you on here. We've offered you suggestions/ advice and all that and all it really seems like is you, agreeing with her decision to hold off sex. So really, what's your problem. All you've said here is that your gf won't screw you, and here's why- but you understand... so it's all good.

I don't like her decision, and I wish it was different, but short of forcing her there isn't much I can do, and the last thing I would ever want to do is hurt her. I don't want to pressure her. While I don't agree with her decision I do support her.

I'm not looking for a way to trick her into it, or guilt her into it, or anything else like that. I was looking for advice on dealing with feeling hurt and a little betrayed by it, not to change it. If she isn't ready then she isn't ready, and I can live without sex for a bit. Granted my right arm will become much bigger and buffer than the left, but I'll survive....

[girl68]

Well you show me a girl who can work part time at a McJob, can use basic household appliances (like a vacuum) without destroying them, and won't sleep with the entire city and I'd be awestruck.

I can do that, and so, so much more. I can work full-time, can use all basic household appliances- (never broke a damned vacuum in my life) and I've slept with 3 guys.

Awestruck?

[girl68]

I was looking for advice on dealing with feeling hurt and a little betrayed by it, not to change it.

OHHHH okay, get over it. That is all.