how to deal with a racist partner.

[Yet another guy]

Example: Last night, this was why i started to get pissed. We were watching a documentary on netflix about the organ trading industry and this black woman was getting a kidney transplant or something. He starts talking about how he doesn't want to hear personal stories, etc and then says "looking at this fkn n***** getting a tranplant, hey look ppl this incompetent(don't remember exactly what word was used) N***** getting a transplant". Yeah, REALLY NOT funny.

Blargh! That kind of joke is not worth getting you pissed. I wouldn't have found that funny either even though I don't have problems with your dreaded N-word.

[warriormaiden]

Why are you still with that mofo?

[Bo]

I don't think he knew how much it bothered me until last night, like i said normally i'm just dismissive about it because he doesn't realize how ridiculous it is. I've never gotten super angry about it and besides this he's an amazing guy. I told him it bothers me so much especially because it's coming from someone who is so smart and caring and otherwise not a complete moron. This isn't something i'd break up with him over, we have a great relationship besides the occasional argument here and there. I want him to see it the way i see it, because it's an ugly ugly trait to have even if it's just jokes, sometimes i feel like there's some intent behind it like he really thinks those things.

[vashti]

I couldn't be with someone if I thought they really felt that way. Stupidity is annoying, but hateful is a deal-breaker.

[mrilover]

We can't change others' views. just leave them be, and move on.

[Bo]

I couldn't be with someone if I thought they really felt that way. Stupidity is annoying, but hateful is a deal-breaker.

We talked a little about it he said they are just jokes. And hopefully he'll quit saying that stuff around me AT LEAST.

[MerryH]

"looking at this fkn n***** getting a tranplant, hey look ppl this incompetent(don't remember exactly what word was used) N***** getting a transplant"

So he called this a joke? Where's the joke? Which part are you supposed to laugh at? This isn't humor, this is just spewing ugly hate at a TV screen.

If you have a problem with it, don't dismiss it anymore. People say racist things like this when they think they can get away with it. Don't let him justify it with, "Oh, I'm not racist because I have a lot of black friends and it was just a joke anyway." That's a bullshit excuse and it doesn't give him carte blanche to say horrible things.

Maybe you can find a documentary on Netflix that demonstrates how not to be a racist piece of shit. Watch it together. Make it a date night. Serve fried chicken and watermelon. [URL="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obKLdou0LH0"]Ba-dum chh![/URL] Now there's a joke!

[Bo]

So he called this a joke? Where's the joke? Which part are you supposed to laugh at? This isn't humor, this is just spewing ugly hate at a TV screen.

If you have a problem with it, don't dismiss it anymore. People say racist things like this when they think they can get away with it. Don't let him justify it with, "Oh, I'm not racist because I have a lot of black friends and it was just a joke anyway." That's a bullshit excuse and it doesn't give him carte blanche to say horrible things.

Maybe you can find a documentary on Netflix that demonstrates how not to be a racist piece of shit. Watch it together. Make it a date night. Serve fried chicken and watermelon. [URL="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obKLdou0LH0"]Ba-dum chh![/URL] Now there's a joke!

That's why it's frustrating, i don't find any humor in it...like i said it makes my skin crawl when he says stuff like this. I don't understand how he could think it's ok. I know he's had really bad experiences with ppl of color especially black men but it's because of where he works. And i'm not even sure where he gets this shit, it's annoying and i don't like it. He doesn't think it's racist because he's jokingly saying it but to me it's wayyy crossing the line to say something as ugly and horrible as that.

[Bo]

And for example he lives in a predominantly republican white neighborhood, and whenever he sees someone of color in his neighborhood he has to make a comment about how they don't belong there. And it just irks me!

[Bo]

it's just hard because if it were someone else, i'd probably want to claw their eyes out...i really don't understand how that stuff can be coming from someone who is so much better than that. It makes me physically nauseous when i hear it coming from him.

[NytNrs&Mmartist]

have sex with a black guy.

[sookie6]

Looking up to someone is part of what makes me fall in love with them...and yes ignorance would put me off...I would feel in a way that I'm dating half a wit...is it bad?

[girl68]

it's just hard because if it were someone else, i'd probably want to claw their eyes out...i really don't understand how that stuff can be coming from someone who is so much better than that. It makes me physically nauseous when i hear it coming from him.

You think he's "better than that"? Ummm he continually proves over and over again he isn't. Yet you stand by him, which only makes me see you in the same light as him.

[doppelgaenger]

I don't deal with bullshit under any circumstances. Why do you?

[warriormaiden]

It seems like you're allowing your emotions to cloud your better judgement. If he had shared these kinds of thoughts with you, on lets say, the first date, you would be out of there before the bread basket was placed safely on to the table. Am I right?

Why is this any different? You have grown attached to him, and there for see this kind of situation as a 'one of those thangs that annoys the crap out of me, but I'll live.' deals. If this makes you soooo angry and uncomfortable, why stick with him? Whats keeping you there? Attachment. Love.

Why does love turn us blind, deaf and mute?