Broke up with GF of 4 years

**Carmen** · 10-12-09, 01:45 AM

Yes tell her you love her...and tell her you'll be there if she needs you. don't say you'll be waiting though..just say you'll be working on yourself too. she'll call you if she really wants to, even if you tell her not to.

**Brokenheart89** · 10-12-09, 01:55 AM

Ok thanks Carmen.. I'll take your advice.. Thanks everyone actually.. I'm most Likely going to be on here ALOT now.. Any advice on how to cope with this pain i'm giong to have not speaking with her.. Its like going from seeing each other for 4 years straight to nothing.

**Carmen** · 10-12-09, 02:04 AM

Write your feelings down...everything you wish you could say but can't. It helps a little..There is also a little book called "Make up don't break up" [url]http://www.doctorbonnie.com/makeup.html[/url]
you can find it at any bookstore in the relationships section. Very helpful..it's about connecting, disconnecting, and reconnecting with your partner

**Chazza2k** · 10-12-09, 02:52 AM

Any advice on how to cope with this pain i'm going to have not speaking with her.. Its like going from seeing each other for 4 years straight to nothing.

Its going to be tough as hell, probably the hardest thing ever your going to try because our natural instincts are to try harder but realise your doing it for the both of you and if successful at the end you will get the true answer. Keep your emotions to yourself, say what you need too and then walk away giving her space, letting your emotions control you believe me feels right but I dont think I have read a single person on this forum winning there Ex back by basically falling apart and begging for her to come back!! It makes you look weak pathetic and needy not something any girl wants in a guy. Every time you write out an email, or Txt or want to call her stop yourself from sending it, realise you'll be pushing her away. I'm optimistic for you, you looked for advice at the right time -by time id signed up here it was all too late for me, any love for me that was left I crushed.

Just a word of warning for any meeting, don't get annoyed at her, actually you can but make sure she cannot see it. She may react badly for you doing this but you got to play it cool and say its for the best for both of you. I met up with my Ex about 2months after our split, a coffee meet, we were getting on great until I mentioned the "other guy" I got angry, said something I shouldn't it all went downhill from that moment onwards! I think that meet finally put the nail in cofin for "us" so just a heads up.

Post here, get down a gym, take up some hobby (I did mountain biking), read a few books on relationships (its funny but I only did that after mine collapsed totally) catch up on a few films, TV shows you been meaning to watch. Try keeping busy, worst thing is just to sit around and stare at your phone wondering when shes going to TXT.

Good luck I hope thing work out well.

**lhn** · 10-12-09, 03:23 AM

I agree with everything Chazza said. Me and him both went through the same thing almost to the word and we both were too inexperienced to deal with it.
We lost the most important people in our lives and have the scars to show for it.

What you are about to do is the toughest thing ever and feels completely unnatural and wrong. 4 years is a long time and this is gunna hurt. Keep your head up, stay strong and whenever u feel like blurting out a whole bunch of emotions, just deep breath and come post on here instead.

If you get a happy ending we all want to hear about it. Most of us didn't get one... it still breaks my heart to think about it.

You're doing this for the both of you. Goodluck and I'll keep an eye out for the update.

**Carmen** · 10-12-09, 03:36 AM

Take Chazza's and Ihn's advice. They went through it too and know what didn't work. Basically let her come to you and keep emotions to yourself. I know it's hard when a few weeks ago you were able to tell her everything and now it's like you don't even know her...but it'll be worth it if you let her come to you--you'll know she really loves you then.

**Brokenheart89** · 10-12-09, 04:40 AM

Well I just saw her and told her everything.. She broke down and cried.. and told me to just believe in us and she will come back to me.. Now is the hard part I already wanna text her and tell her how much i love her.

**Carmen** · 10-12-09, 04:57 AM

Good job. Now, the only thing you'd be doing by texting her and telling her you love her is going backwards. Don't do that. Seems to me like she may be contacting you sooner than expected..let her be the one contacting you. You'll lose her if you don't...even if you think your situation is different. Keep it up and you'll be happy you did later on. Be strong. Don't let her have complete control over this situation by breaking down right now. What are you going to gain by texting her now? you know she's not ready. Play it right. Let her think about what she has done and what could happen if she doesn't fix it. She has to fear losing you..she won't if you call/text her

**Carmen** · 10-12-09, 04:58 AM

by the way how old are you guys?

**Brokenheart89** · 10-12-09, 04:59 AM

I'm 22 and she is 20

**Brokenheart89** · 10-12-09, 05:06 AM

Ok, your right.. Thanks for the advice.. It's like the hardest thing I'm going through my whole life right now.. What sucks is She works with me in the same store.. how the heck am i suppose to do this!

**Chazza2k** · 10-12-09, 05:15 AM

Its going to be difficult as hell but believe us thats its for the best, if you work in the same store its going to be very difficult. How big is the store and how likely is it you run into each other? Basically if you work together it does complicate things but the general rule would be to not go to her and let her come to you. If you used to go to lunch together etc then go with some work friends instead. She just needs time away from you to realise what she wants, if thats you she WILL come back.

Fight all the instincts to do what you really think you SHOULD do. When she feels your no longer going to be there perminatly no matter what she does she will develop some respect for you, then you can move forward.

**Brokenheart89** · 10-12-09, 05:17 AM

well she works in a different department then me but we sometimes run into each other... Should i still say hi? or should i just like avoid that totally

**lhn** · 10-12-09, 07:52 AM

say hi just like to any other colleague. Be polite but don't get drawn into any longwinded conversations.

Play it smart.

The best way to think about it is... if you're on a break (like she wants) then there are now boundaries. Don't act like her boyfriend. She is just another work colleague to you.

**Creativejeanius** · 10-12-09, 11:28 AM

Just dump her.

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