Red flag?

[cmacattack1]

I don't know if he should get a bailout of this. Do you think he is really going to learn that what he did was wrong if he gets excused?

I'm all about second chances, but it took me losing something to really learn. I hope he isn't as hard headed as me.

[lastwish]

I talked to him more. And, well, he didn't cheat on me but he did cover up the fact that he was in an open relationship when we were dating (non official). I asked him why he didn't just be honest about it in the beginning. And he laughed and said there was no point because they were just **** buddies. He wouldn't stop being friends with her. I think he wants to keep her around so that if we ever break up, he would still have her to sex. He admits to be attracted to her physically.

Also, he said he has alot of things in common with her and have fun with her. I asked him if they have so much in common then why don't he just date her. He said it is because they don't share common values. For example, she doesn't have her life in order and would get bored in a relationship and leave.

[bluesummer]

So they were **** buddies, his physically attracted to her still, and he hangs out with her like they're best friends? That sounds like a potential recipe for future disaster.

If she was nasty and they'd never had sex, I'd be less worried. Not the case, though. Keep your eye on them.

[lastwish]

Yes, it is a potential recipe for future disaster. But I should also give him credit for the fact that he is so honest about. He introduced me to all his friends (including her) as his girlfriend and he isn't sneaky when he hangs out with her.

[Bumble_bee]

It is defo a red flag!

whatever the details, he didn't want to tell his FWB to fly away until he was sure about the both of you, in the mean time, he is prep-ping you with his, ''Im so fresh, Im so clean'' BS...

the BS needs to hit the fan, did he think this would go undetected?

[Lite]

Eventually she's going to get jealous and come fsck up your relationship with him.

[lastwish]

Well, yesterday. My boyfriend decided to make the girl call me. She left a voicemail saying how he and her are just friends, that I am lucky to have a girl like her to make sure he is out of trouble and not creeping around, and how I shouldn't direct this at her, etc.

I wish I can just tell him to stop seeing her but she is very integrated into his life. They go to martial arts class together, she is planning to work at the same place as him, she is close to his brother, and they share the same friends. They aren't childhood friends. In fact the girl just knew him a month or two more than I know him.

I also don't want to force him to stop being friends with her because then I will seem controlling. But I am thinking about asking him to not see her alone. And if they do hang out, they must be accompanied by other friends. What do you think about this? Or, should I just break up with him because it is lost cause?

[vashti]

I would be really pissed off that he is discussing this with her. It's a violation of your privacy. In her eyes, you have probably already "lost" this game. She now knows she has the power to make you insecure.

This situation is looking worse to me every time you post.

[lastwish]

I am really sad right now. I mean, he made me feel loved in every other aspect.

[vashti]

How old are you, sweety? I mean, it's possible he DOES love you, and he is just being young and stupid. Young males often lack emotional maturity. Of course, the way they grow is usually through painful lessons.

[lastwish]

Vashi, I thought you knew how old I am. I am 20. I know at this age, people are not willing to settle. They are constantly looking out for better potential partners. This guy I am dating is a very practical person. He grew up in a poor family, had his parents kicked him out in high school and forced to become homeless for awhile. Now, he lives on his own and makes his own money to pay for school, his own bills, etc. I know what he saw in me. I have my life in order so far and I would have to admit (although humbly) that I am not a bad catch for the long term. But I am not completely naive and like anyone in their right minds would not settle for someone less than the "whole package". I am determined to seek for the whole package in a partner (good career, have his life in order, decent looks, treats me well, decent personality, etc). I think this guy is afraid that I might find someone better or break up for whatever reason (because young relationships are fragile). I know he is looking for ways to make connections with other girls (for safety net).

I do not want to ban him from befriending other girls. That will be very tyrannical of me. However, it does make me feel uncomfortable when he gets too close with another girl while he is with me. It also annoys me when he is constantly telling me that he is falling in love with me when he looking for opportunities elsewhere. I don't take lies or BS very lightly.

Just last night, I told him I don't see myself dating a guy who is close with another girl (other than his sister). I told him I don't want him to see this girl regularly. I know they train together along with his other friends so I don't want to force him to stop training but I do want him to stop hanging with her outside training on a regular basis and to work with her. He said he would think it over over night.

Btw, he has never been in an exclusive relationship before. He dated 2 girls in the past and he was in an open relationship with both of them.

[vashti]

The thing is, I would not have had any concerns had this not been a girl he was sleeping with before. I think that once you relate to someone sexually, it is hard to relate to them in the same way you would a regular friend. Too many boundaries have been crossed (IMO).

[lastwish]

He has agreed that he won't be seeing her without other people around. But the problem is that she is very integrated into his life. They will be seeing each other during training (once each week) and in parties (they share many friends). He said he won't be working with her. I said "wow, she is so integrated into your life. Maybe you should marry her". I broke up with him and hanged up the phone. Then, he texted me several messsages and told me that he cares about me more than any friends and that he would do anything to get me back.

I would feel bad if I make him miss his friend's birthday parties or to ban him from training when I know he loves martial arts. What should I do?

[lovesjoyajm]

The thing is, I would not have had any concerns had this not been a girl he was sleeping with before. I think that once you relate to someone sexually, it is hard to relate to them in the same way you would a regular friend. Too many boundaries have been crossed (IMO).

Hm, interesting, I was just thinking about this exact question.

[vashti]

He has agreed that he won't be seeing her without other people around. But the problem is that she is very integrated into his life. They will be seeing each other during training (once each week) and in parties (they share many friends). He said he won't be working with her. I said "wow, she is so integrated into your life. Maybe you should marry her". I broke up with him and hanged up the phone. Then, he texted me several messsages and told me that he cares about me more than any friends and that he would do anything to get me back.

I would feel bad if I make him miss his friend's birthday parties or to ban him from training when I know he loves martial arts. What should I do?

Maybe you should just go with the flow for a while, and see how it all pans out.

things were so much less complicated before the whole FWB generation...