My boyfriend wants kids and I don't

[Gigabitch]

Well, how long do you think he should stick around, knowing this dealbreaker is looming in the future? You're pissed off because he waited to be sure you really felt this way? Sounds to me like he gave you the benefit of the doubt for as long as he could and now he's calling it.

You should graciously walk away, not pitch a fit.

[beeper]

Walk away graciously??? I'm not stopping him from leaving me! Jeez! I am venting and asking advice. Is that not what these threads are for??? He knew for 2 years that I didn't want kids, told me he would sacrifice having them for me and then RECANTED. I was honest from the get go. But yet I am being treated like a bad person for it and he is a saint for "knowing what he wants". Benefit of the doubt??? I TOLD HIM FROM THE START I NEVER WANTED KIDS! If he was so sure he wanted them, he should have told me that upfront and not have wasted 2 years of my life! Sorry for having a hard time that after 2 years, he is choosing an unborn person over me!

[misombra]

maybe he left you because you're crazy.

[beeper]

OMG. Now I am crazy because I am hurt? Wow. I give up. You people are ruthless individuals.

[beeper]

Amazing how no one says "he should have told you a long time ago that he for sure wanted kids."

[Gigabitch]

Maybe he wasn't sure. maybe, back then, he thought it might be worth it to give up having kids for the singular pleasure of being with you.

Guess he changed his mind.

[vashti]

I want a spouse who wants me and ONLY me. What is so bad about that??? .

There's nothing wrong with that. Neither is there anything wrong with him wanting a family. you two are simply not a match.

Now stop whining about how mean everyone is on this board.

[beeper]

Just forget it. You can close this discussion too Giga Bitch. No one is of any help and I am sick of being told how whiny and crazy I am. Thanks.

[Bumble_bee]

My boyfriend of 2 years and I are breaking up over him wanting children in the future, and me NOT wanting them. I am crushed. Why is his desire to spawn, higher than his desire to be with me??? He says he wishes he could have both, but he see's I will not change my mind about reproducing, and therefore he wants to break up. I don't get it! What is so great about having children? I see them as a burden to a relationship, not beneficial! I always thought most men want to put off being "tied down" by kids as long as possible? I guess I should be happy since this shows he would never be a good husband because he would never put me before the kid(s) (I personally believe spouses should always be more important than the children since kids are meant to grow up and leave, but if all goes accordingly, a husband and wife will bee together forever). Why is it so hard to find a guy who DOESN'T want kids?!?! SERIOUSLY! WHY?!?!

PS: He knew the ENTIRE 2 years that I did NOT want children. I just got done reading an entire forum about men that regret having children. So don't sit here and preach to me about how having children is so amazing. Obviously, I am not the only one who has no interest in it.

This was your first post, it came across quite selfish and not willing to see your ex's point of view at all...I am not sure if this is how you put it to him, but the way you put this out here seemed a bit frantic and whiney.

It isn't a bad thing to make the decision you do not want kids, and yes you did tell him from the get go you didn't want kids, but people change, and sometimes we hope that the people we love will change their minds too. you didn't, in fact your opinion about having children is unusually aggressive, not like, ''oh Im not the maternal type'', but like you hate them or something.

How can you expect him to think further about your relationship (even if he loves you) knowing that this is how you feel about children, when ultimately this is what he wants...

read back your thread...how does it sound to you?

everyone here is willing to listen but you have to be willing to listen too.

[beeper]

I did re read it. And sorry if I sound whiny but I still don't understand how an uncreated, unborn child is worth giving up our otherwise amazing relationship for. I GET that there is nothing wrong with him wanting to reproduce. I just don't understand how it is more important than me. But, lesson learned. If it's more important for him to reproduce, then he is not the guy for me. I guess what I don't understand is, if we were happy in ALL other aspects of the relationship, then why do we need anything more to be happy? Why would HE need anything more if he is already happy? That's what is wrong with people, they just want more and more and more and there is never "enough". "The grass is always greener on the other side of the pasture" right?

I strongly dislike kids. I pretty much think they suck, though hate is a pretty strong term. I don't want them to be hurt or anything that could be classified as hatred. Pregnancy sounds like pure hell, I would never ruin my body to have one. I wish my mindset was different. I wish I wanted them, but it is not. I se no benefits to spawning.

"Selfish" is such an overused term. EVERYBODY is selfish.

Screw it. I am better off without this loser. I'm sure in 10 years he will be miserable with multiple screaming brat children and a fat wife who never pays attention to him. Hopefully I will bump in to him years later looking fabulous and being happy, and he will regret not staying with me. LOL

[vashti]

Wow, you sound really, truly awful. He will probably die with a bunch of family close by, loving him and caring for him (including his fat wife, who loved him enough to give him children and build a life together), and you may very well die alone, stuck in a nursing home with no visitors, hoping the aides will be kind. And trust me, you WON'T look fabulous. In the end, no one does.

i hope you learn some compassion for other people. It will come in handy. In the meantime, good for your ex for not getting himself stuck.

[MDavis454]

That's a nice thing to wish for someone who wants to start a family. Think of it in a defferent light, what if there was something you really wanted in life and he wanted to stop you. Some of the replies to your post were a little rough but as a few people have said, your wording came across pretty poorly.. Post on how to move on and people would love to help. Post asking for an opinion and people will give it. It wasn't what you wanted to hear and that makes them ruthless? I dunno.. But you will be better off without this guy. You need someone who'll focus on you and not want kids. That means he's not for you. I wish the best of luck to BOTH of you because he made a good choice that works for his life. Don't be pissed at the people who provided and opinion.

[Initials]

I gave this issue a lot of thought at one point, so I can probably answer this question fairly well.

First of all, the desire to have children is very closely tied with age. I'm not saying you will want children when you get older, but it's quite common that a woman who is getting older will decide that she would like children, before it is too late.

Second, wanting to have children is almost always a deal breaker in a relationship, if the other spouse does not want children. It doesn't matter which side is which, it is arguably the most important issue that exists in a marriage. It is a block that can almost never be passed.

Third, it is largely an issue of biology. Our very makeup tries to insist that we have children. Those who do not want children do not pass on their genes. You cannot argue with that. For someone who wants to have children, the issue is ingrained as deep as any issue could possibly be ingrained.

Fourth, you are not wrong in any way for not wanting to have children. I know exactly how you feel, trust me. But, as I have said, you can't expect someone who does want children to give up on that all important goal for you. Essentially the only possibility is to be with someone who, like you, does not want children.

All in all, the issue of reproduction is deeper in a relationship than any other issue. It's a part of our makeup on many levels. Mental, emotional, physical, and biological.

[beeper]

I am not awful! I am a fabulous woman who knows what she wants. Even if I wanted kids, I could never see my ex as being a good father. He can't even take care of HIMSELF! LOL He is moving back in w/ his parents cuz I make all of the $ in the relationship and he can't even afford to live on his own! And YES, I will look great in 10 years because I take care of myself and my body will not be completely ruined from reproducing.

Thanks for all of the opinions everyone!

[beeper]

And what do you know, just as I was writing the last entry he texted me saying that he needs to see me and that maybe he can live without having kids!!!!! LOL Unfrigginreal!!!! But don't worry folks, I will proceed with caution cuz I am not getting on that bandwagon again now that I know how his little brain waivers. LOL