Feeling unloved-unappreciated?

[summer2]

I think he does have some kind of psychological thing going on, or a self esteem issue? But there is no way I'll be able to afford counseling, let alone get him to go.

He won't break down and tell me though if something is wrong personally with himself, he has huge man pride, in example, he won't let me drive him...I've drove him once in the entire time we have known each other. He underestimates me a lot too, in example, won't let me drive him, or drive his car.

I don't know what to do, every word turns into a fight. NOW he's being a detective on Myspace. We have a profile on there together, and I always add my friends, or people just to be nosey (lol). Well now, he's accusing me of these two recent guys I added that I met them at a party, even though I was at a family cookout that night, and not at a party, and I was just being NOSEY and wanted to see their babys pictures, and their party pictures, etc. Not to mention one guy is heavier than my B/f who has a weight problem, and the other guy is half my height, but yet I must like them!(sarcasm)

He did this before, trying to put two and two together to make a theory and a story. I hate to mention that he broke up with me when I was pregnant like every two months, in fact we were "broken up" when my water broke, and he took me to the hospital. Breaking up an dumping is just part of the relationship, it's said, but never meant.

He's possessive, and it's gotten really bad, obviously. Sometimes I can't bare sitting in his room (our) room, I feel like I too have become so anti-social...Remember even going to the store is a HUGE hassel for him.

I guess for now I will just keep hanging in there...And see where it goes. I am looking into getting my own apartment. Maybe that will help, because there are too many people living in this single family home (myself, my bf, our baby, his grandparents, and two other relatives), and I think it adds to the stress.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

He is giving off too much signs that he is cheating. I mean even from the things he did those few years back should have sent off red flags. Yea, it may have been over the internet, but that doesnt mean you should brush it off. You're basically telling me he can emotionally cheat on you on the internet with no problem. This man is no good a boyfriend. He obviously doesnt really care about working the relationship out. You say he is a good father, let him be that and just that. Nothing else. Is it really worth the stress? What is he still doing to make you want to stick around? Unless he is doing something that benefits you relationship wise, I dont see why you're still there. You deserve better. I understand you have a child together, but just because you have a child you shouldnt be put through misery. You two should part ways as boyfriend and girlfriend, but continue the contact as mother and father. It's not a healthy relationship, and in the long run it wont be for the child either. Would you like for your child to be raised in a home like that? I personally think my daughter would deserve better and I definitely dont want her to be raised in the same home I was raised in. While thinking about your child, think about yourself as well. You deserve happiness too.

[summer2]

Update:We broke up.

Well he kept telling me we were over and such, so I finally said okay thats it then.

Now he keeps rubbing my name in the dirt calling me names like easy, and you know the sl*T...Wh**e stuff.

And turning his family against me, and keeps threatening to take our baby away from me!

Funny thing is he wants full custody of my son, but HE never watches him or takes care of him, his parents do.

The break up was near mutual, he just keeps degrading me and my reputation and saying when my son is old enough he's going to know that I'm a bad mother because he will tell him. I told him that is demented to tell a child.

My problem is: I have met someone already!

He is just about everything perfect that I didn't see in all my ex's or why I broke up with them. He even has a job and his own place. He's pretty much got himself together, he is two years younger than me though being 20, and being that young and that established I think is very good. Reminder: I am 22.

My X(23) wouldn't work, and the only reason he is in school is because I nagged him to death about it. His family wants to put me down about a new guy already, but yet they helped make it this way because they have no problem supporting him until they die.

I don't want to move too fast with this new guy, but it's like that feeling when your so happy with someone, when you first meet them, date them, etc.

One of my guy friends said whenever my X and I have broken up that I date the first guy that gives me attention. I don't beleive that because I am friends with a lot of guys, majority of them, and of course their girlfriends.

But sometimes I wonder if it is that way, but I am really picky. I stayed with my X because he was my first love and took my virginity and I was really possessive about him.

I am confused I guess, maybe need some advice, or comments on the situation.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Your ex sounds like my daughter's father in some ways. He is very immature and I'm glad you chose not to be with him anymore. As for the new guy, dont move too fast. Not only will it prove what your ex is saying is possibly true, but it's not a good idea to jump from relationship to the next just like that. He may seem perfect, but you got to make sure he is willing to be there for you and your son because your son comes as a package with you. You have to start looking for people who will benefit for your family and not just you, else you're giving yourself an extra set of stress for no necessary reason. As for the full custody thing that he is trying to pull, you gotta fight back and fight hard. This is going to be a struggle, but you'll make it through just dont give up.

[shh!]

Sorry to be a pessimist, but 20 year old males are in no psychological condition to raise someone else's child.

I think you should avoid dating for a LONG time. You have a child to raise, and if done properly, that takes up all your time anyway. And besides, your kid does not need to witness all the drama that goes along with dating.





Yeah, I'm a kill-joy. Sorry.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Sorry to be a pessimist, but 20 year old males are in no psychological condition to raise someone else's child.

I think you should avoid dating for a LONG time. You have a child to raise, and if done properly, that takes up all your time anyway. And besides, your kid does not need to witness all the drama that goes along with dating.





Yeah, I'm a kill-joy. Sorry.

It's not about being a kill-joy, more so being realistic.

[summer2]

Sorry I forgot to mention how he is with my baby. He is really good with him actually, I have let him meet him once, when we hung out with him. I was really surprised that someone would even want a girl that had all the drama baggage and a child.

I'll keep it at a slow coast, and as far as him being 20 and not psychologically fit, my 23 x acts like he isn't psychologically fit either, he's a good dad in respects when someone is watching him with our child, or if he HAS to watch him. I guess that isn't a good father really, our child does adore him (my x) though.

[shh!]

Just because your baby's father isn't all you hoped for with regards to parenting, he is STILL the father. He is very young to have a baby, and most males have to grow into the parenting role. His lack of expertise has no bearing on the fact that 20 year old boys aren't ready to play daddy. I'm surprised you think a 20 year old is "good with the baby" after they were together only once. Did you expect someone who is bad with kids to start smacking them around the first time they meet?

[summer2]

Update:


The new guy I'm seeing, I still am. As far as him liking kids or wanting to be a father. Everyone has told me he is very good with kids he watches his step brother and sister. They are three and seven.

I don't expect him to be my sons father or act like it or anything like that.

The only lingering problem now is my sons REAL father doesn't ever want to see him. He didn't see him all week, and then seen him for a couple hours then called me to come pick him up because he had homework. Even though later on he was with his friends drunk.

I'm trying to keep him in his life the best I can, but I don't want my son being somewhere where he is not wanted.


The new guy I'm seeing is only 20, but hes got a job and his own place. My sons father hasn't had a job in two to three years now, and lives with his gparents who will support him to the end with no problem. I'm staying cool with his father and his family and not threatening to take him to court for custody or child support, I couldn't get it anyways.

[Mish]

Sounds like a case of too much too soon.

Someone's going to get hurt, I can see it.

[shh!]

Sounds like a case of too much too soon.

Someone's going to get hurt, I can see it.

It will be the kid, unfortunately.

[Danny_B]

Yeah I can see it heading that way too. You need time to yourself. So take things slooooooow. Don't think that this new guy is your way out. It can be scary on your own, and having a baby as well, I can't imagine how that must be. But you need this time. Tell this new guy that you want to take it slow... if he cares about you, he'll understand. Too much too quick is a very bad idea. Especially with everything else going on.

Try not to fight with your ex. Try and maintain a decent relationship with him for the sake of your baby. Him calling you those name just continually proves he's a child - don't stoop to his levels. Be strong. Don't let his insults get to you - because you know what you are like and he is just angry.

You've done the right thing to break up with him, he is no good for you. Let him be apart of his childs life, if he chooses not to right now, it's his choice... but always offer. He'll come round.

Most importantly in this, look after yourself and do the best for your child. Good luck :-)

[Tedel]

Every man experiences a period of adaptation after a baby is born. Maybe he never imagined you as a mother, and now it's starnge for him.

This, though, impacted me

our pregnancy

It's one of the most beautiful ways to see a pregnancy, IMHO. Congratulations for the baby, and try to communicate with him a little more. He's now a father and probably scared, understand him a little.

[summer2]

Update:

I'm still with the new guy, who is now my boyfriend.

My babys father who is my ex, has really stepped up to wanting to see his son. We share our son he gets a week, and I get the next.

It got a little bumpy there, between my newboyfriend, and my ex. But my new boyfriend who is the younger but more mature between them, called my ex and they talked it out, and since then everything has been going well.

My sons father won't and vowed never to change a diaper, not even a wet one. My newboyfriend changes him, feeds him, and when my son who is 8 months is with us, he forgets I am even around lol.

Things are really starting to work out. My ex is seeing a new girl as well. The fact that there is no hard feelings about it, even when I see her when she's with my ex to get my son for his time, I think it really shows that our relationship is over, but keep it civilized and friendly for my son.

And those that said someone is going to get hurt, and that it will be my son, I don't know how he would even know what's going on at 6/7months old, and besides that, he is still number one and will always be in my life. Everyone involved in this situation realizes if this is the way its going to be, you have to think of the child first and foremost.

[Gigabitch]

So I am trying to make it perfect for my child. Ugh.

Step one: lose the sperm donor and find a better father-figure for your baby.

Mission accomplished.