Intimacy?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Just marry her and adjust to a sexless life.


You know you're not happy, and I sense you know it won't change. End this relationship and don't waste any more of either of your time.

[sadie_genie]

There is nothing wrong with that.
Obviously he's holding out for some action that is never going to come. (no pun intended)
So...if HE cannot respect her wishes?
He needs to marry someone who will meet his needs. Plain and simple.
Why have yet ANOTHER sexless and unfulfilled marriage on the books when he can have a sexless and unfulfilled relationship without marriage?

Raised not to like sex for a pleasurable connection between a man and a woman?
No. It was THEIR choice to accept it. If she biologically doesn't like sex: there is NOTHING he can do.

I am not saying he should stay in the marriage and try to change her (or change himself). I am saying he should investigate what the underlying problem is before he makes a rash decision. Read my previous post. I don't think there is necessarily anything wrong with either sides. She could just not be sexual enough for him and people should be with those who they are compatible with.

[tmj99]

Hi,

I think I am extremely qualified to offer you some advice here. I'm in my late thirties and and have been married for 14 years. I have two children. And I have no intimacy in my marriage whatsoever. If you would like to hear my full story, I have a thread of mine I think you should read, I will link it shortly.

I married my wife becuase at the time I loved her and especially becuase I'd had a bad previous experience and was looking for someone very safe, very stable. I've had many good years but I have to tell you the intimacy gap has been stressful. It took me many years to realise that it wasnt just her being reluctant, but some women (maybe men too?) really do have no sex drive or no desire for intimacy. My wife loves the companionship, she likes doing things for the family. That is how she shows me love.

It sounds like you are in a similar situation, right at the start of the process. I think you can have a relationship with this woman but please go in with your eyes open. You may love her now, but if you desire intimacy, you need to think long and hard about whether you can or should shut this part of you off ... forever. If you know you can't then you WILL have troubles later on in the marriage.

In my case, after 14 years I tried to find intimacy outside of my marriage ... with my wifes permission. It has all come to a very painful end this week for me, I am in terrible pain right now. I recommend you read my thread in the broken hearts forum. I had to choose between my marriage and a girl I fell in love with who was as intimate as I wanted, but becuase we could not be together permanently this week we cut all ties. It hurts like hell. I'm in the process of rebuilding with my wife, we have agreed to go to counselling in the next few weeks. Right now though I am worried I can never be happy again.

I'm sorry I don't mean to hijack the thread. All I am trying to point out is the risk you are taking. I cant say I regret marrying my wife becuase we have had good times and two wonderful children. But it is a hard road and right now there is pain and I'm not sure we are going to make it.

Please, no matter how you love this girl, really really think hard. I guarantee you that some pain now if you decide not to proceed will be much less than the pain later on IF you later decide you cannot be happy with the intimacy gap.

Edit: I cant link my thread as I dont have enough posts. It is titled I just lost the love of my life - a very unusual situation, in the broken hearts thread. Please read it and consider the implications for your own situaton. I wish you the best of luck.