Very unhappy

[Stuart2]

She is a very strict practising Roman Catholic

[misombra]

you are on your way to either an affair or a divorce.

my bf wanted me to tell you that nowhere in the bible does it say that you only have to have one wife. nor does it say that sex is solely for procreation.

[Stuart2]

Thanks misombra. Do you think it could have anything to do with the contraception issue which is part of the catholic teaching? As we now definitely don't want any more children on the couple of times we have had sex we have had to use contraception (a condom).

She has not said anything about this so I am only surmising, but as she is such a strict catholic might that have some bearing? If so, it still leaves me in an impossible position to continue to go without sex.

[Gigabitch]

Catholics are famous for liking to get down. Tell her she's upsetting God.

Are you Catholic? Maybe you should get snipped, if it doesn't bother you, that is.

[Stuart2]

Yes, I'm a catholic as well Gigabitch, but not as actively religious as my wife.

I don't know if it has anything to do with it and I am probably barking up the wrong tree. But I would have no objection to the snip if it solved everything.

I don't even know if religion has any bearing on her attitude, but the fact she is so strict means it's possible I suppose.

[chump4u]

You say that your wife isn't open to a counselor, but you seemed to have overlooked a possibility here: if you're both practicing Catholics, you've got a fee-free and effective counselor available, and one she's got to listen to whether she wants to or not.

Why don't you talk to your parish priest? I'll bet large money that if you go to the church and tell the good Father your story, he will be more than happy to help you sort things out.

[Enigmos]

i don't really have anything to add, though i wanted to chime in with the comments of

- DW isn't living up to her end of the deal.
- nowhere in the bible does it say that you only have to have one wife. nor does it say that sex is solely for procreation.
- Tell her she's upsetting God.
- the uterus isn't just for making babies. (i don't use mine in that way, btw.)

i'm so sorry to read of your woes, but if i may boldly say, when kids arrive, the focus in a relationship typically shifts from partner to kid. not saying it's right or wrong.

(( hugs ))

[Mish]

I have tried the idea of counselling before but will have to raise it again I think. The problem is the more I ask the more angry she gets, and she laid down some very firm ground rules last night that I should expect little or no activity in the future. I have been honest and told her how unhappy I am, almost in tears.

Tell her the rules have changed and unless she starts putting out on regular basis there will be further action.

[misombra]

Thanks misombra. Do you think it could have anything to do with the contraception issue which is part of the catholic teaching? As we now definitely don't want any more children on the couple of times we have had sex we have had to use contraception (a condom).

She has not said anything about this so I am only surmising, but as she is such a strict catholic might that have some bearing? If so, it still leaves me in an impossible position to continue to go without sex.

i think it has more to do with guilt. catholics tend to grow up with guilt and shame over the enjoyment of sex. some go off and become freaks, and some take it to heart and hold on to it forever.

if she has a close relationship with the preacher you guys should talk to them or somebody from the church.

[Graham Berkeley]

There is always the prostitute...

[Stuart2]

We have had a massive row about this and at 5am I am still awake. I have told her she has three choices - to have sex, divorce or let me see someone elase for sex.
She is so upset about it all, but I've said I can't go on any longer like we are.

Her initial response in her anger has been to say she will divorce me if necessary and then I can go and find "my ideal whore" in her own words.

[misombra]

she's crazy.

[Stuart2]

We have both now reluctantly agreed that separartion is the only solution. She is just as upset as I am and has told me I will never find anyone who loves me as much as she does.
But how can I reconcile this to no sex? I can't, I just can't.

I am calling agents on Monday to find me suitable rental opportunities. I am broken hearted and have said if we work on our sex problem I will stay, but she still says no and flatly refuses to discuss her reasons.
This is still the case even after I have pointed out is it worth losing 15 years just through not discussing the reasons behind the problem.

I feel a right b***ard but I can't go without sex I just can't. I am seeing my oldest and best friend from school days tonighht for a drink so will be leaning very heavily on his shoulder.

[Gigabitch]

Is she just stubborn as hell? She's really willing to throw away her husband because of this? This is disgusting.

Stuart, I know you're going to feel like running out and boning someone immediately, but I hope you don't. I really believe that she can be brought around if she talks to the right person. I don't know who that is, but I hold out hope for the possibility.

[Stuart2]

Is she just stubborn as hell? She's really willing to throw away her husband because of this? This is disgusting.

Stuart, I know you're going to feel like running out and boning someone immediately, but I hope you don't. I really believe that she can be brought around if she talks to the right person. I don't know who that is, but I hold out hope for the possibility.

One of her few negative traits is that she is INCREDIBLY stubborn and has never backed down on anything in all the time I've known her.

I am so tempted to go out looking for sex straight away, but I think you are right Gigabitch, I must hold off initially to see if she can be talked round. I just cannot fathom what is going on in her head, but it must be serious to throw everything away