she is destroying my happiness

[Gigabitch]

So... after he proposed (and I of course said yes) I thought I might share this news with her .....

....and that day I learned she had kept this a secret from her man because it had "upset" her so much???

I don't like that at all. That's a really bizarre thing for her to say to you. If she wished her bf would treat her better, she'd say so. It sounds like she's just disappointed about not getting YOUR man.

Are you absolutely, positively sure there was never anything going on between her and your bf?

[shelli]

hello all and thanks for the replies.

YES i'm sure nothing has happened because we have only been together all of us at the same time, and when we met we started dating at once - and neither of us knew him before that.

Of course I understand if someone would like him because he IS great. The problem is not really the interaction anymore, I'm just curious about what in the world has been going on in her mind. IF she really wanted him and so on.

So, I'm just contemplating... and I appreciate the suggestions but in this situation I choose no 3 person confrontation since I consider the matter dealt with with my bf. She's just lost some points because I really feel like she is not the same type of friend as she once was.

I THINK but I don't know that she has just wanted something as great herself. She talks about marriage all the time and had really hoped for this to happen to herself. I THINK she has felt lower self esteem because her man has not wanted to commit more... and I THINK she therefore has done what she could to gain attention elsewhere. Succeeded some places because she is a great person, normally.

what has been the worst part of all this is losing her, because we used to be greatest friends. Secondly also, all these thoughts during my happiest times, which kind of upsets me - that she has not really been able to share this with me, and feel happy for me. It's just a lousy reaction but I guess I should just be happy for what I got, since that seems to be the cause of all this mess.

[Raze]

I think most of us know what jealousy feels like.

I don't think of my self as a jealous person in general. My bf has many girl friends and many female co-workers and it doesn't bother me.
However for some reason I lose touch with one of my friends because I'm always in a bad mood after my bf and I have seen her.

She just seems to have taken his sides whenever I have discussed things with her. Always so understanding about him. And because she is in a troubled relationship and I had told her that my bf had said she deserved more than that - her reaction was; he is just so SWEET.

I have discussed things with my bf and he says he likes her as a person but does not feel attracted to her and will never be attracted to her. He even said I went to see my friends to make ME happy and if this made me sad he would rather not see her anymore.

Still my moods just drop whenever we/I have to see her because it seems like she really likes him. When I comment about things he might be able to improve she answers "all men are like that you just have to accept it". And when I tell her about great stuff we are experiencing she has no response - as if she is not happy for me.

I used to be best friends with her, but she disappoints me. And I feel bad when I'm with her now. It is as if she is always dressed up and sees no flaws in him. I know it's a stupid thing but one thing she said keeps entering my mind. We had a talk about likes and dislikes, and I said well I KNOW my bf would never be attracted to someone with blond hair - and she answered: "well I have blond hair"?! as if she thought he already was attracted to her or as if she wanted that to happen some day

some part of me has already given up on the relationship with her. Still I write here because I might ignore some things which could make me see things from a different side.

That's sketchy as shit. You have a right to feel the way you feel. Sounds like a player to me.

[IndiReloaded]

You worry too much what other people think.

You already know that friends don't act the way she did, especially when you told her about your engagement. She should have been happy for you, a real friend would have been, even if she perhaps was attracted to your fiance. A true friend would have swallowed that up and been genuinely happy for both of you.

Maybe you can revisit your friendship once she finds happiness of her own and she comes to terms with things. Meantime, I think some time away from this gal could give you the chance to deal with some of your own insecurities.

You are doing yourself and your fiance a disservice by focussing on anything other than your relationship. You do seem somewhat insecure, as I said. It seems to really bother you that your friend is beautiful/intelligent (more than you, perhaps?). You need to realize there will *always* be women around to compare yourself to, but your fiance is with YOU, so that's all you need really care about.

[Cbrider]

There's things going on in your friends relationship and mind that she has not told you. She sees your fiancee (congrats) as a beacon of light in a way. She could be a friend of convenience, but I have a gut feeling that she doesn't understand what she is doing or at least not thinking straight.

Its hard to believe after all this time she is maliciously trying to uproot your happy relationship. None of this excuses how she is acting, but it is something to consider. Sometimes people just lose their grip on reality and drift away into their own fantasy world to hide from the things that scare them.

I am generally the first person that will jump down another persons throat when you **** with someones relationship, but something just doesn't add up here.

[Yggdrasil]

Its hard to believe after all this time she is maliciously trying to uproot your happy relationship. None of this excuses how she is acting, but it is something to consider. Sometimes people just lose their grip on reality and drift away into their own fantasy world to hide from the things that scare them.

I am generally the first person that will jump down another persons throat when you **** with someones relationship, but something just doesn't add up here.

One more reason this should be discussed between the 3 of them, before something that at this point in time only exists in the mind, becomes something that puts a huge strain on the relation.

In my opinion, partners (and friends) who trust eachother, should have no problem discussing these issues.

[Cbrider]

One more reason this should be discussed between the 3 of them, before something that at this point in time only exists in the mind, becomes something that puts a huge strain on the relation.

In my opinion, partners (and friends) who trust eachother, should have no problem discussing these issues.

Agreed - its going to take your fiancee's words to get it across to her at this point I think.