Help please, Fading relationship

[michelle23]

If he told her he was going to s strip club for a friends bday and she said okay have fun-then it wouldnt be an issue but he kept it secret because he knows she would be upset

some men have such double standards. Its okay for them to go have some woman bounce all over him. Imagine if you came home one day and saw your gf/wife giving some random man a lapdance or he was half naked doing a little dance for her while she got the oil ready to rub all over him. Would you consider that cheating?

[smackie9]

If she was at a ladies night at a local club I would say no. I worked at a club....there is absolutely no touching or they get hauled out on their ass. Their hands are by their sides and pants stay on. no sex.

[Collabos]

I didn't go to get the lapdance in a way to get back at her. I just didn't care to tell her at the time because we were having serious problems. I went more so because it was my friend bday, and I didnt buy the lapdance for myself. My friend bought it for me. I wasn't planning on doing it. It was a one time type of a deal, and I do not plan on doing it again.

[smackie9]

This where I see this going. You have never has other relationships to compare this one too. This is your first one, and I'm guessing you feel if you let her go you are letting a big part of your life go and that you have failed. Nothing could be further from the truth. This relationship has pounded down any emotion or feeling of happiness you ever had. You are actually so numb from the obvious unhealthiness of this relationship, until that night you got a lap dance from someone who treated you with respect and kindness...the kind of thing that has been lacking in your relationship all this time. That is why you actually "feel" anything....it's because it has been repressed to tolerate this crappy relationship. You need to see that there is better than what you have out there. Maybe not with a stripper, but with a woman that actually treats you with respect, cares about you, is compatible and sensitive your needs, and is willing to support you.

I feel the stripper played a positive part in this whole thing (a wake up call)....it's showing you that you have been in a bad relationship for way too long, and it's time to get out of it. It's scary at first because she is all that you have known, but by golly you will feel like a you have been reborn once you get out of it. It will feel bad at first, you will have mixed emotion, but that is just separation anxiety. You will learn to adjust, and after about a month, you will wish you had done it years ago. You will feel so rejuvenated, free from the horrors of an unhealthy relationship ....you will be dancing through fields of flowers singing "Oh happy day!"

[michelle23]

I agree with smackie on this one. I think you are having separation anxiety but deep down you know you can not stay with someone who makes you so unhappy. Look up the signs of a healthy relationship. It may help you come to a decision.

If you really want it to work-a lot needs to change and it wont be easy and she may not be willing to try and make this whole mess better.

To me she sounds very dramatic and over the top-that may just be a personality trait that you cannot fix or change.

And the issues she has with sex prob wont go away without therapy. It is not fair to you to be in a sexless relationship. It is an important part of any healthy relationship and if its her way or no way-it wilk not change.

If she doesnt make you feel loved-it is time to walk away

[Collabos]

I just want to add that we text more than call, and we barely call anymore. We dont go out much.

[michelle23]

I suggest you take steps to improve all the things your unhappy with, stick up for yourself and demand changes or walk away now