I don't know what to do anymore! :(

[vashti]

I am horrified you are still there... think of the emotional damage it will cause your little girl to stay.... she learns how women should be treated by watching YOU. Please, hun... I know you are very young, but get your shit together. You owe it to her.

[SweetGurl21]

Yeah. In a month I will be 21. I have lots of time to I guess find a "real" man. I'm looking into everything right now, ie; jobs where my family is, housing, applying for custody and everything. I want to do everything right when I leave. Although considering he's violent/abusive I dont think courts would give him custody .. would they?

[vashti]

The last thing you need to bother with right now is a man. You need to focus on your kid. The courts are very unlikely to take a child away from their mother in favor of a violent father unless there is something equally disturbing in your background.

[SweetGurl21]

not really thinking about another man, i know it's the last thing i need, i was just saying.

I don't think there's anything in my background that would keep them from allowing her to be with me full time when i leave.

[Yggdrasil]

Read this:

[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder[/url]

and this:

[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cycle_of_abuse[/url]

then get the hell out of there.

[derbygirl]

Go to the women's shelter and ask for help. They will help you put a plan together so you can leave. You must protect your child. I know you feel helpless at the thought of leaving, because I have been there, done that. In my case it was 3 babies. It took me a few tries to leave. My ex used to hit me, then call the police and say I hit him! I was humiliated in front of everyone I knew. It seemed everyone I met either knew I was in an abusive marriage, or soon found out. It was raging out of control.

Anyway, he has been gone for five months now, and life is better. It did take me about 2 years (of our 8 year marriage) to get it through my head that it truly does take two to make a relationship work. When it's been abusive, it especially requires a lot of time and energy from both people.

He stopped being physically abusive, but he disconnected from me and the family. I eventually couldn't live with it anymore. The final straw for me was when I developed feelings for someone else, and he encouraged me to follow that relationship, but stay married to him. He even wanted the other person to move in with us and help around the house and pay the bills!

Call me stupid, but it took a huge wake up call to end this thing and try to find some sanity. I am *lucky* because I got out of it alive, my kids are healthy, and we now have a shot at making a real life as a real family. MOST abusive relationships don't end as well as mine did (if you call months of not sleeping, weeks of not eating, and non-stop crying ending well).

Anyway, yeah. Take my advice, go to a shelter, get a plan in place. They will not pressure you to leave, they will just support you and help you figure out what you want to do. You're truly not stuck there because of your child. There are so many resources that the shelters have to help you.

Good luck!!!

[IndiReloaded]

Derby, good job getting out. You brave woman!

[Only-virgins]

I'm in a way scared to leave him because he's told me before the second I leave he would apply for full custody of our daughter. A child of which he never wanted in the first place.

They will not give full custody to him if you present your case. The court won't just take a daughter away from the mother with out very good cause.

i'm looking for a woman who has a baby that is looking for a man without any children. and i've got lots of money.. whoooooo whooooooooo.

raverboy

seriously?

[SweetGurl21]

We went to counselling yesterday and I told him I need time to think long and hard about what I need to do for myself and Charlee. The counsellor said just in the 2-3 hrs we were there that all are problems were getting to be too heavy for her to listen to anylonger and for us to talk about so we're going again next monday.

[SweetGurl21]

I haven't posted a proper response in the last while because he was around.

When we went to counselling on Monday, he threw fits and tantrums because he feels I'm takin him to court cuz i want to see him suffer. I told him I felt he should be punished for what he did yes, suffer isn't the word I used. He felt because I was telling the counsellor and him how I feel about everything , and tell the counsellor what he's done to make me feel this way, that I was attacking him.

He believes also that I'm purposely prolonging my decision to torture him. He's trying to put blame on me for everything.

[SweetGurl21]

UPDATE:
Before our first counselling session in a long time a couple weeks ago, I had to go into the hospital to have some bloodwork done before I have a laparoscopy for my Endometriosis, and have a nurse go over the procedure and everything. Well while we were there waiting for them to call me in and all this he asked me why I was so quite I told him I was stressed right out about surgery, and everything going on with me and him.After that he started giving me dirty looks when he would go off with our daughter to the play room in the hospital, kept glaring at me and snapping at me. When we got back home we had a huge blowout screaming match, I'm sure everyone in our neighborhood heard me yell " I don't want you around me anymore. I don't want you in my life". I locked him out of the house but for some god for saken reason I let him back in and we carried on yelling in the house in front of our 3 yr old daughter. After while of that I told him to get out and he tried pulling our daughter out the door with him and she ended up getting hurt. Not intentionally, I went to slam the door behind him and didn't fully see that he was trying to pull her out and I slammed her hand in the door. Just after that his mother pulled in to watch our daughter while we went to counselling.

I ended up in the hospital ER on the 13th due to what I believe was a severe anxiety or panic attack due to all the stress in my life right now. Stress in the relationship, stressed about what to do about the relationship, stressed about court, stressed about surgery I was supposed to have on th 20th but had to cancel due to a cold.

While I was in the ER he was trying to pick a fight and stat shit there with me. His mother was at our place watching our daughter, we got home at 3am from the ER and he started in on my in front of his mother. Telling her all these things that apparently I do wrong or that he doesn't like. He never told me these things before but had to start in about in front of his mom right after i got out of the ER. The next morning I had to go back and have an IV removed from my arm and have more bloodwork done, and once again he started in with nit picking in the hospital. After we left and got food and went back home he started in again about shit that I do wrong, or don't do for him or whatever. I actually dumped him and told him to piss off and get out of my life, but as per usual he didn't leave he stayed to argue, fight and scream and yell. His Mom once again showed up and he continued yelling at me. At one point while his mother was here he went into our bedroom and threw my suitcase on the bed and was ready to pack my stuff for me. After his mom left things seemed to settle down. We still fought everyday most similar to the hospital crap. We went into counselling again this past monday. He wrote a list of things he wanted to talk about and all 20 things were seriously the samething in 20 different wordings. He actually scared the counsellor at one point and she said she felt threatened by his actions and attitude. The counseller just from our 2 visits which have been about 2-3 hrs a session, said that from everythign we've talked about and everything that had been said, I'm doing all I canin our relationship and he needs to do more. I've done alot of work from day one, and now he needs too. Aswell she has also suggested that I go and visit family and friends for a couple weeks, clear my had and think straight for myself and if I decide by then what I'm doing then talk about it when i get back.He only gets to see us for 2 days out of the 14 days or so in order to let me think for myself without him bitching at me.

My laptop is broken so I'm using his and it's hard when he constantly checks his internet history or is constantly looking over my shoulder to see what I'm doing. I can't even write an email or facebook msg without him comming over and looking at it.