i just don't care ....

[Rollerderby]

Have you asked him any of these things directly?

[trisha]

thank you so much for all the pieces of advice...

for rollerderby, yeah, i asked him those things and he never denied it, but he said that he's a changed person now, blah, blah, blah...

but well, from what I've read in all the replies with my thread, i think I should let it go...

i think i should wait until 6 years, if he's still consistent and would still want me by that time, maybe, that's the time...


as of now, maybe, I should just let it go...

what do you think?

[lil machina]

people can change.. they do.. they just need support and a trusting and believing soul around them sometimes.. to catch them when they fall..
i think it's unfair to judge people that way.. if you see signs of him going back to his older days, then leave him but if not, give him (and you guys) a chance =)

[starbuck]

people can change.. they do.. they just need support and a trusting and believing soul around them sometimes.. to catch them when they fall..
i think it's unfair to judge people that way.. if you see signs of him going back to his older days, then leave him but if not, give him (and you guys) a chance =)

This advice is very naive. It's definitely fair to judge potential a mate by his past and the choices he made. This is someone you're going to be potentially spending years of your life with (if not marry and have kids with). Why take that decision lightly?

If he wants to change, great, but he has to do it on his own. He has to catch HIMSELF when he falls. I tried to be a crutch for someone and it only drove me crazy, alienated everyone around me, and ultimately made me feel like a idiot for thinking that somehow my love for him was going to be the catalyst for him to change his multitude of problems. Not a place I'd willingly put myself in again. It's very easy to say you want to change to gain your partner's approval. Much harder to actually do it.

To the OP I'd say, move on. The people around you are trying to warn you about how much trouble this guy could end up being. In the meantime, seek out a mate who doesn't have so much baggage. At 23 those should be easier to find.

Could be worth having a look at the "Shining Knight Syndrome" stickied posts.

[trisha]

Star,

Thank you, somehow your reply made me really think. For an unexplainable reason, I want to be with him despite and in spite of everything but THEN again, after I read your reply, when you talk about the future, it made me realize that I would be a great fool if ever I'd consider spending my life with him...It sounds scary now. What if he'll be back to his old days behavior when we have kids already, i sound so pessimistic now but I rili don't want it to happen.


So i guess, i should just let it go. i think he's not worth it.

Better to be safe and judge him now than take risk and be sorry in the end...