why can't men answer a straight question with a straight answer

[Ryan Heitzman]

Hi, it's good to know there are some straightforward men out there, girls will appreciate you I am sure. Thanks for your comments.

If you mean me, then thank you. I believe that people should listen to each other completely and thank what they should say first. But these situations I should say that women should give a man a chance to explain himself before judging too quickly.

Emotions not having much depth. Then all the emotions I have are meaningless then. What a stupid thing to say. I mean really.

[damn2010]

Gribble got it right. Some men never give a straight answer because they fear what your reprisal might be. Whether you overreact, get angry at them, twist things out of context. Like it was said, you almost have to talk like a politician and with emotions involved, things are always changing.

PEOPLE in general do not tell a straight answer because they are either lying, hiding something, or don't know the answer but will NOT ADMIT they don't know the answer.

In your situation, unfortunately we are giving you the best answer we can give - you're both liars and cheaters to individuals who you took sacred oaths and pledges to. Both of you walk and feel with a lie everytime you are around your spouses. If he AND you treat your spouses this way, then there is no surprise that HE would have a problem lying or deceiving to you either.

[smackie9]

He is just flirting and no really getting too involved to get a thrill which is totally lacking in his relationship with his wife. His comment about you may be the reason for saving his marriage gave it away. Like the other poster said it like a drug, he gets his high and then he's good and just goes away, then comes back. He probably feels as long as he doesn't step too much over the line he's ok. He can live with himself. It's still cheating when having an emotional affair.

Time and problems are only a portion of the reason. Usually you have spent 20 plus years attending to your responsibilities as parents and you have let your relationship go by the way side. You stop being a couple. When the kids are gone, you are looking at each other like two strangers. Having an affair is not the answer. Either try and fix or separate for awhile to see if that's what you want. You can rekindle a marriage by good communication, maybe some counseling, and setting time aside to get reconnected like by going on a vacation....getting out your comfort zone to break up the monotony.

[ianoulla]

Well, to some extent I can accept there is an element of some truth in each of the last 3 postings. I know that as every decade passes, I see things differently. I have always been truthful, I have never ever strayed in 43 yrs of marriage, on the other hand my husband did, many years ago, I accepted him back and I forgave him, but interestingly to this day he has never ever told me the truth about what happened when he left me. I have asked him many many times. I believe men have the ability to blot truth out and reinvent it to suit.

I have always been honest with my husband and he knows that I don't want to be divorced, but I want to enjoy personal freedom for this period of my life, we live side by side as many people do after so many decades of marriage. I meet people through my work who are mature and who have come to the same conclusions. Financially it is just not possible to live separately. Maybe this is an age thing, as we assumed big responsibilities from an early age and now being free seems a natural thing to want to be. I hasten to say my husband is not at all interested in me any more, he just wants a comfortable uneventful life, he wants me to become an old lady. While I on the other hand want to feel alive and experience new things, travel, new hobbies, meet new people, want to experience the feeling of love, almost innocently as I did as a teenager, without sex. What is wrong with wanting to love and be loved.

When this younger man came to me, spent 3 yrs pursuing me, I did not respond, I listened to my own instincts, I was right I realise now, I drew some obvious conclusions, but in the end my heart won. It might sound selfish, perhaps it is, but I made a decision and I stand by it. 40 yrs ago, 30 yrs ago, 20 yrs etc I would have been shocked at my behaviour, but not now..... and sounded as self righteous as some of the people who replied to me..... but all I say is, hmmm, your life isn't over yet, you wait and see......... I don't judge anybody anymore, I used to. I never thought I would be the other woman.

Anyway, thank you for your varied responses, very interesting...... I am wondering now, will he come back again..... if so, what will I do.....hmmmmm

[xxazurexx]

If he can't be honest with his wife, what makes you think he will be honest with you??....duhhhhh

How come the 'other woman' always thinks she is 'different' to the rest and that he will treat her any differently???

[smackie9]

If he can't be honest with his wife, what makes you think he will be honest with you??....duhhhhh

How come the 'other woman' always thinks she is 'different' to the rest and that he will treat her any differently???

I totally agree with this. The other woman is so disillusioned by it all. A married guy's intentions are selfish ones. The reality is that they trick you with lies to get what they want then they go back to their wife.

[ianoulla]

Well, I'm not disilllusioned at all, just realistic. I know he has his life and his wife, I don't want to be his wife, she is welcome to all that boring stuff, been there done that bought the Tshirt. I enjoyed his company for 3 years, we never did anything more than have coffee, flirted, had a lot of fun, connected. For me that was enough.... perhaps I am naive. I asked for nothing only to be told the facts, so I could organise my own daily life. Having your time wasted due to trivial lies, is annoying once, 10 times is infuriating.....

Prince Charles lied to Princess Diana right from the start even before they were married, their story is now well documented and a part of history! Bill Clinton lied to Hilary..... the list is endless. How much humiliation and heartbreak could have been avoided if only the truth was told at the outset, but hey if the royal family are weak and Presidents of countries,...... and they have the power to control millions of lives..... generally men don't have a good track record, history speaks for itself.

But thank you for your errrrr straightforward simplistic replies.

[smackie9]

It's not men who have a bad track record...infidelity is a two way street. Women that choose to date or go for men that are attached are no better than them. Divorce isn't as bad as you think. My mom divorced at your age and is doing just fine. Split the assets, get spousal support if possible, down size your lifestyle. People do it everyday.

If you want excitement in your life with out sex, find a lady friend to go out and have adventures with.....less hassle. You can flirt with men on the go that way without worrying about working a schedule around it.

[xxazurexx]

Well, I'm not disilllusioned at all, just realistic. I know he has his life and his wife, I don't want to be his wife, she is welcome to all that boring stuff, been there done that bought the Tshirt. I enjoyed his company for 3 years, we never did anything more than have coffee, flirted, had a lot of fun, connected. For me that was enough.... perhaps I am naive. I asked for nothing only to be told the facts, so I could organise my own daily life. Having your time wasted due to trivial lies, is annoying once, 10 times is infuriating.....

Prince Charles lied to Princess Diana right from the start even before they were married, their story is now well documented and a part of history! Bill Clinton lied to Hilary..... the list is endless. How much humiliation and heartbreak could have been avoided if only the truth was told at the outset, but hey if the royal family are weak and Presidents of countries,...... and they have the power to control millions of lives..... generally men don't have a good track record, history speaks for itself.

But thank you for your errrrr straightforward simplistic replies.

So because Royalty have cheated means it is acceptable for everyone to follow suit and cheat also? lol

Honestly, don't you think you deserve better than some other womans 'sloppy seconds'?

[SelflessnHumble]

We are both married
We had a strong attraction
We met, we kissed and started to get to know each other
He made wild promises of us being together in different countries.

Yesterday, I sent a simple txt message saying good afternoon, no reply. I called the number it said not available try later. Today I found out he was moving his office to another town, but will continue to live in this town. Why oh why didn't he tell me straight, when I asked him. Why this stupid game?

Let me see if I have this straight...

You have the audacity to demand from him an honest and reasonable explanation
as to WHY he didn't uh, tell you the truth...when you both are CHEATING on your respective spouses
you both had sworn an oath to love, honor and cherish THEM in God's house???? Really???

He should have be an honest cheat (like you) is your demand? K.

I feel hurt all the more that he has behaved like this. He spent 3 yrs priming me, pursuing me. I know he isn't happily married. He said by knowing me I would save his marriage. I didn't want anything from him, he made me laugh, he made me feel alive, I wanted him so much. I couldn't believe that he had spent 3 yrs. At the beginning when I was reticent, I said I'm not desperate because I'm older you know. He said look if I wanted a quick f..... I wouldn't be asking you. I want more, I want you, I love everything about you, you have an aura, I can't stay away from you. Which was true, he was always around me and trying to be.

There are way too many "I's" in this paragraph!
I think you are too self absorbed with what YOU want while not taking into consideration what HE wants
namely his obligations regardless if you think you know he isn't happy in his marriage. It is NOT your call.

Don't make excuses by putting it on him: saying you didn't want anything from him because
you didn't have an issue consummating your infidelity, so you DID want something from him.
In fact the very next line says I wanted him so much? Very confusing.
You can't use your comment to him (about not being desperate) as an excuse saying, "see I brushed him off
and he still pursued me!" It doesn't work like that.

I want to see him or speak to him one last time to ask him, why all this secrecy about his movements, if it's over it's over, I won't chase anybody, why keep telling me to call and txt him, when I ask if he is sure he wants me to, he says yes. Why Why Why! Can somebody out there please tell me. Now I am back to where I was a month ago, so broken

Singing Annie Lennox won't help you I'm afraid.
Just stop and think about it, k?

YOU: call and text him.
HE: doesn't answer or respond...
HE: is married. Should he answer the phone in front of his wife?
HE: does want you, and wants to have his cake and eat it too.

You are just as responsible as he is.

The answer is: YOU cannot dictate how someone is going to treat you especially when
they have commitments that supersede your own selfish wants.

I'm shocked that a person my senior hasn't learned the many lessons life
has tried to show you in order to become a better person!!!

You need to get your priorities in order and apologize, YES apologize for your
part in this drama and move forward with your life end of story.

This isn't love based on your post here and it stands to reason
you reap what you sow. Cheating begets cheating...Lying does as well.

[sweetkissesforu]

Watch this lol