How to keep up the act of being a player?

[surfhb]

Dating is a numbers game. The more girls you date, your more likely you are to find the right one for you.
You don't date alot nor are you confident with yourself. Women are very keen to these things and don't try to understand what it means since No man really knows how they do it anyway

Don't be a player because you are not a natural at it. Once the wool is gone she will dump you as an asshole. You can only keep that up so long. If your goal is too get laid....yes be a player! Lie...tell her what she wants to hear and act like you're confident. Again.... A numbers game but if you're getting laid, who cares what she thinks since you don't plan on sticking around.

Don't take dating so seriously. It's just you and another person having a good time. If you didn't call you back, you move on.

[Bonfire]

You can't act like a player, you are either a player or you are not. Players are define by their skills not some name tag. How embarrassing would it be when she quickly figures you out to be a phoney baloney? You have a few misguided outlook on women. It's like those cases where people believe in certain views and they subconsciously look only at evidence that supports that view. Players are successful with girls because they exhibit qualities that girls like. You don't have to be a player to have the same qualities that girls look for. Telling a girl you are a player would more likely to cost you a laid than to score you one. Real successful players always hide the fact they are players. What you really want to come off as is a stud not a player. Big difference.

[Gratedwasabi]

Being yourself means not lying, doing things you aren't comfortable with, putting up a facade. You're not a player. Stop pretending to be one. If a girl says "You must have women over almost every day." you respond "No, I'm actually kind of shy with women."

Stop thinking the only way you'll get tail is by pretending to be what you're not.

[ShellyZ]

Why are you telling women what they want? You seem convinced that all women want to date assholes who treat them like crap, but you're wrong. A million women could tell you that you're wrong, but you still wouldn't believe them. Trust me, women know what they want. The ones who like being treated badly are the ones with psychological troubles. The vast majority of women want someone who treats them well and can earn their trust. If you come off as a player, women won't trust you and they'll avoid you. Players get girls by pretending that they're not players. If you try to look like a player, it will blow up in your face.

Do you even have a personality? Being yourself means letting your natural personality show. Putting on an act won't fool anyone.

[jb1111983]

I don't know about others but by trying to be or being a player, I am certain I'm not gonna attract the kind of women I tend to fall for. Besides I'd like women to like me for who I am than who I pretend to be.

[tremolo]

Here's something to think about, OP. I recently dated a guy for 8 months - he dumped me last week, saying I should have trusted him more in our relationship. There was a dispute about an old female friend who was going to stay with him, which I wrote about in another thread. Anyway...

Early in our relationship - in fact, the night we became exclusive - his best friend drunkenly told me he was a major player, but that as long as my boyfriend had known me, he'd never been involved with another girl. I was quite disturbed hearing that my boyfriend got around, and when I questioned him about it later, my boyfriend got annoyed with his friend and said he didn't know why he would say that, as he really wasn't. Granted, his friend was very drunk and tends to talk a lot of crap when he's drunk, but the idea that my boyfriend was a player kind of haunted me for the next few months, and made me very paranoid about his interactions with other women. While I mostly kept this under wraps, my insecurities came out occasionally, and finally, we broke up - probably because my boyfriend was tired of there being issues like that.

You can act the player all you want, but I think that most normal women are not going to want a player for a boyfriend. It's true that players have a lot of attractive qualities - as I have outlined in my more recent thread 'rebound' - but players are generally not men that women are going to trust. If you convince women that you are a player, they might be initially attracted to you, as its true we like to get what other women can't have (just like you men want what other men can't have), but this may ultimately only create trust issues in your relationship.

I think you're better off just being genuine, and ditching this whole player act. My ex tried to act the player at times - mostly around his guy friends - and when I realized he really wasn't one, he came off looking lame and pathetic. I don't think you want to look that way.

[Bonfire]

If you convince women that you are a player, they might be initially attracted to you, as its true we like to get what other women can't have (just like you men want what other men can't have), but this may ultimately only create trust issues in your relationship.

Actually players isn't a man other women can't have, players by definition is available to all attractive women, they want to bed as many as they can. They are like the guy version of a slut. They are easy to attain as all they want is sex. I think you mean a stud. A stud is a man not all women can get. He is the catch, the prize. A player is not. A player is a buffet for women.

[tremolo]

Actually players isn't a man other women can't have, players by definition is available to all attractive women, they want to bed as many as they can. They are like the guy version of a slut. They are easy to attain as all they want is sex. I think you mean a stud. A stud is a man not all women can get. He is the catch, the prize. A player is not. A player is a buffet for women.

Right - what I meant is, she might be initially interested by the challenge of trying to *keep* the player around, since he is in that way elusive.

[jb1111983]

If you have to be a player to get a girl then obviously you aren't mature enough for a serious relationship.

[eo_ih]

If you have to be a player to get a girl then obviously you aren't mature enough for a serious relationship.

Translation: Old, tired and unlikely to find anyone else.

[ShellyZ]

That's not what mature means. There are plenty of young, active, attractive, social people who are in happy committed relationships, because they actually like the person they're dating. Maybe you don't understand what it means to care about someone who cares about you, but that doesn't mean everyone your age is incapable of building strong relationships. Look around. Guys your age who are finding girls who make them happy obviously have skills that you lack. Work on that.

[vertical_sky]

All girls do NOT want their men to be studs. Only certain types of girls do. For me myself, the guy who really floats my boat is a nerdy, quick-witted guy who adores me. As soon as I discover a guy is a player, or as soon as he puts forth player-like qualities, I go fleeing in whatever direction will get me the furthest away from him.

I think you've trapped yourself into a Catch-22. You believe that acting like a player will attract girls... when in fact, it's only attracting certain types of girls. Then, instead of honestly evaluating whether or not you actually like and more importantly "fit" with the girls you're attracting, you seem to decide the only quality that matters is that they choose you. But by passively deciding that's all that matters, you continue to attract and then pick only girls who enjoy players.... with reinforces the idea that you cannot attract other types of girls/that other types of girls don't exist.

Look, if you enjoy the kind of girls you attract, and these kinds of girls enjoy players, and you've decided that this kinda girl is worth the "price of admission" for you to bury your non-player qualities... by all means, go for it. You are not the first or last to change yourself in anticipation of what you want to catch. But it might behoove you to really sit down and say," What do I want? What qualities do I want in a girl? What do I want out of a relationship? Who do I want to BE in a relationship?"

[eo_ih]

That's not what mature means. There are plenty of young, active, attractive, social people who are in happy committed relationships, because they actually like the person they're dating. Maybe you don't understand what it means to care about someone who cares about you, but that doesn't mean everyone your age is incapable of building strong relationships. Look around. Guys your age who are finding girls who make them happy obviously have skills that you lack. Work on that.

I obviously have emotional stability that they lack. Finding girls to make you happy? Jesus.
It's like saying a cripple has skills I lack because he's really good at using a wheelchair. Well, yea, I suppose he does... but I can just walk on my own two legs.
Girls aren't for happiness, that's innate and you either have it or you don't.

I can't relate to most of that post, it discusses weaknesses and emotions that, thank God, I don't experience.

[eo_ih]

All girls do NOT want their men to be studs. Only certain types of girls do. For me myself, the guy who really floats my boat is a nerdy, quick-witted guy who adores me. As soon as I discover a guy is a player, or as soon as he puts forth player-like qualities, I go fleeing in whatever direction will get me the furthest away from him.

I think you've trapped yourself into a Catch-22. You believe that acting like a player will attract girls... when in fact, it's only attracting certain types of girls. Then, instead of honestly evaluating whether or not you actually like and more importantly "fit" with the girls you're attracting, you seem to decide the only quality that matters is that they choose you. But by passively deciding that's all that matters, you continue to attract and then pick only girls who enjoy players.... with reinforces the idea that you cannot attract other types of girls/that other types of girls don't exist.

Look, if you enjoy the kind of girls you attract, and these kinds of girls enjoy players, and you've decided that this kinda girl is worth the "price of admission" for you to bury your non-player qualities... by all means, go for it. You are not the first or last to change yourself in anticipation of what you want to catch. But it might behoove you to really sit down and say," What do I want? What qualities do I want in a girl? What do I want out of a relationship? Who do I want to BE in a relationship?"

Mostly valid - the trouble is that I'm far too "shy" and retiring to approach or "work on" girls who aren't like that, with their outgoing nature and low standards. Other sorts are terrified of me, my physical appearance is not congruent with my personality.

[ShellyZ]

So you want to find girls who make you unhappy? I'm talking about guys who find girls that they are happy with, that they enjoy being around. That's what makes relationships fun. It's not weakness to be with someone you like, who likes you back. Clearly, you're struggling with that. If you're not interested in finding a girl whose company you enjoy, then why are you on a dating/relationships forum? If you think it's weak to be happy with another person, then you should be just fine being single (and celibate) for the rest of your life. Isn't it great to be an island, to be a strong manly rock who doesn't need other people?