Ex boyfriend issues...he hates me?

[tecakam]

He might despise you for the way you hurt him - it's not right, but that's how he might feel and if he finds out you slept with a random guy, your chances are slim to none of ever getting him back.

You say you still love him, but you can't love him if you slept with another guy, doesn't matter if you're split up. If you really loved him, it would disgust you to touch another guy, let alone have sex with him.

it was more of me trying to let him go by creating new memories that would overshadow my memories of him..instead i iendedup picturing my ex the whole time and i even called it off and me and the guy i was with just laid in bed talking about my ex :/ definately not what he expected.

idt my ex would care...we talked once when we were together if we ever broke up and we slept wth other people, howd we react, and he said he wouldnt care cause we were together and if we got back together it woudnt matter as long as i was his and only his, but hed wonder what i did with the other guy and if it were better...i flat out told him id be jealous and a little upset.


oh i texted him earlier but he repllied with a short repsonse... which shocked me that he even replied at all.

[toknow]

If he is not ok with you talking to other people about your problems and not him, I doubt he really meant what he said about him being ok if you slept with another guy. Just wouldn't make sense. People say these things, even when they don't mean them - sometimes to test the other person and others to show they would not be vulnerable in certain situation even if that's not true.

[michelle23]

You are young and have a lot to learn girl. First of all-you cannot mold someone into the perfect partner, you cannot expect someone to change or to act the way you want them to act. If he cannot just be himself with you and feels pressured to be something he is not-then he will run a mile from you and I don't blame him.

Secondly-you do not break up 100 times and keep getting back together. That is ridiculous and stupid. IF you break up with someone, you should mean it the first time and there should be no going back. These on/off relationships are destructive and never work so bear that in mind the next time you have a new bf.

Third-he may be your first everything but that doesn't mean he is the right one for you or that you will always love him or that he will always be special. You need to accept its over and start moving on. My first is not "special" to me. That ship sailed a long time ago. Actually he never was special lol

You and he are not compatible and you do not sound ready for a real relationship. You need to find a healthier way of dealing with conflict or issues and avoid all this drama

If you want to be in a real grown up relationship, then believe it or not, you have to act like a grown up. Sorry I dont want to sound patronizing but learn from these mistakes and dont make them again.

A healthy relationship is not where you dump him every time you have a silly argument or throw your toys out of the pram if you dont always get your own way and the sooner you realize that the better off you will be

[tecakam]

You are young and have a lot to learn girl. First of all-you cannot mold someone into the perfect partner, you cannot expect someone to change or to act the way you want them to act. If he cannot just be himself with you and feels pressured to be something he is not-then he will run a mile from you and I don't blame him.

Secondly-you do not break up 100 times and keep getting back together. That is ridiculous and stupid. IF you break up with someone, you should mean it the first time and there should be no going back. These on/off relationships are destructive and never work so bear that in mind the next time you have a new bf.

Third-he may be your first everything but that doesn't mean he is the right one for you or that you will always love him or that he will always be special. You need to accept its over and start moving on. My first is not "special" to me. That ship sailed a long time ago. Actually he never was special lol

You and he are not compatible and you do not sound ready for a real relationship. You need to find a healthier way of dealing with conflict or issues and avoid all this drama

If you want to be in a real grown up relationship, then believe it or not, you have to act like a grown up. Sorry I dont want to sound patronizing but learn from these mistakes and dont make them again.

A healthy relationship is not where you dump him every time you have a silly argument or throw your toys out of the pram if you dont always get your own way and the sooner you realize that the better off you will be

No i understand, because ive looked back on it and im really disappointed in myself that i was being so immature.
When id need to talk to him about stuff, hed ignore me and not want to talk, which hurt so id try to atleast get him mad so we could fight about it- anything to get something out of him, but then hed either be really mean or completely ignore me and make me feel like i wasnt worth anything so wed break up.

^ very childish, on both parts but mainly mine. ;/ but i knew if i didnt do anything then the problem would never be consulted with because he just wasnt the type to deal with problems...and i always thought cause i was his first girlfriend thats the reason he didnt want to fight it out or talk it out cause he didnt know how to?

anyway. ive learned from my mistakes with him, and all i want to do is make it right and atleast be friends... maybe not close friends right now, but atleast have that open line... idk what to do..

[michelle23]

You cant be friends with an ex. Its better to cut all ties with him and move on. That way, you will get over him faster.

He wasnt right for you. Dont be with a man who doesnt know how to deal with conflict. You need someone who is willing to talk and fix things. Its important.

It sounds like you brought out the worst in each other and you should be with someone who brings out the best.

Its great that you have learned from this and now its time to move on with your life.

[Valixy]

Your relationship with this guy doesn't sound like a happy one. Maybe you both had strong feelings for each other but also many doubts and you both failed to approach them in a constructive way. It rather sounds like an unhappy unsettling relationship with a lot of verbal violence when he got back to you and dumped in a question of days again and again. This kind of things hurt a lot and you feel that you need to make up or get some kind of closure but this guy sounds very immature and incapable of helping you in any way.

I honestly think that you you will be better without this guy. The way you allowed him to talk to you and treat you is not how a relationship should be and it really doesn't matter if it's your 1st or your 10th one. It's a bit sad that you had such a rough start actually but you can decide to change things and leave him for good.

Whenever you contact him you expose yourself to being rejected by his silent treatment or a rude remark and feeding his ego, so don't do it anymore. You tried but you have to know when to stop trying. You will feel better in time. Everybody does.

[michelle23]

Its actually a good thing that this happened. We learn from bad experiences and they lead us to something greater (most people anyway) so see this as a good thing. Its helping you learn more about you and what you want and dont want so its all positive

[tecakam]

You guys are absolutely right, I guess im still stuck in that high school relationship phase where im thinking everything lasts forever, even though in reality i know it doesn't, but after being on here for a few days with you guys helping me, ive realized its time to let go, and that he isnt right for me...i also realized i have to build up my self-esteem and self dignity because they're so low right now and thats the reason ive put up with him treating me like i didnt really matter.

i guess right now im scared that ill never find someone thats right for me.. but thank you all, each and every one of you, for hearing me out and giving me advice.
I took it all into consideration and im really trying to change and move on and trying to figure out what guy i do want to be with. (:
Wish me luck!

[michelle23]

Good for you. We all have to kiss a few frogs. It doesnt matter as long as you ditch the frog as soon as you realize he is bad for you. You will meet someone who is right for you. Its all learning and exploring and figuring out more about you. You will be fine. Definately work on your confidence and set your standards high

Best of luck