Male mind??

[haxan]

But anyways, I'm going to stick it out till he graduates in May, thats when he promised that we would move in and start a "life" together.

Seems reasonable, much better than saying you'll give him a year or two. We'll see if he has anymore excuses then, or if he won't put his name on the lease if you rent something? Little things that leave an out.

[IndiReloaded]

I predict he's going to say something about needing to 'establish his career' first, or something. Good luck, Nikki.

[oneandonly]

I predict he's going to say something about needing to 'establish his career' first, or something. Good luck, Nikki.

I get the same feeling. I also feel that he's got a lot of growing up to do. Guys who depend on their parents grow VERY VERY slow, if ever! He will be keen to do just that, being independent and all that, after graduation but I bet he prefers doing it on his own, not including you. Now education is done, his focus will be on his career or / and life experience in general, travelling perhaps? He's pretty young to think about settling down, imo.

You are only 26 - did I get this wrong? Why do you keep saying you are old? You are not!

[Nikki0526]

I may only be 26 but, Ive had a hard road. I moved on my own when I was 17 and went ahead and graduated early. Moved in with my son's father, who after 7 yrs became verbally abusive, and cheated on me more times than I can count. He had two girls pregnant before our divorce was final. I had to move back with my mother for 1 year after my divorce to get back on my feet but for the past 3 years I have solely supported me and my son. I feel a lot older than him, even though I'm only a yr older! I have a nice house and just bought a new car. I honestly think that my boyfriend is intimidated by me. Hell, I know he is, he has told me that several times. But He has to make a decision soon. And Haxan, If he won't put his name on the lease we wont live together. I'm not going to be stuck with a bigger house that I can't afford alone! So, I will see what happens in May. Thats all I can do now, I'm not going to push someone to feel a certain way for me, he either feels it and wants it or he doesn't.

[haxan]

I agree with you giving him one last chance Nikki, after all these years. Unfortunately my gut tells me that Indi is right and he'll probably come up with some perfectly reasonable (to him) excuse to keep an arms length away. I hope that's not true, and that he can step up and commit to you, but if not, I also hope that you can fight through the disappointment and move forward with your life. No more chances.

If that does happen, I'd suggest to meet someone who is also a parent, who understands that responsibility in the future. You seem like a really squared away chick and I'm sure there's some nice single dads out there who 'get it'.

[smackie9]

Follow your gut....it's a no brainer the dude isn't going to come through for you.

Next time make sure all the boxes are ticked off on your relationship expectation list.

[Nikki0526]

Thanks again for your really helpful input! I needed all the honesty from people I don't know! I hope he comes to the realization that i'm not going to wait forever, I need stability and so does my son, but I also need my heart to be completely happy! I love him and he tells me everyday that I will never know how much he loves me, and that he wants to marry me. But actions speak louder that words! I did stay with him last night and while he was at the Gym, I cooked dinner for us. After he took a shower he came in the kitchen and said he couldnt wait to come home to me every night. SO I just get mixed signals. But he has 2 months to figure it out!

[AJSerenity]

Hey Nikki0526! My take on all this is that this guy may not be long term material for you and that he has some growing up to do. It's also possible that this guy may be using you as a "filler" when he's not busy with school. I would definitely encourage you to keep options open.

[IndiReloaded]

Break with him for a couple weeks. No contact so he can think about things. Give him a taste of what its like to live w/o you. Sometimes ppl don't realize what they have until its gone. You have to be prepared to walk away if he doesn't move to the next level tho.

I still think he's too immature to meet your needs, but if he's what you want, this is probably the best way to give him a last kick in the pants. Good luck.

[thiudiskr]

I must be a big dumb oaf, but I don't see what's so offensive about wanting a little poontang. I don't think the guy is immature, either. So what if his parents are helping him out financially?

Also, I hate butting heads with people, but I don't think Indi's suggestion about breaking up with him is a good idea. If you want to break up with him, fine, do it, but don't try to manipulate him into marriage.

[IndiReloaded]

Also, I hate butting heads with people, but I don't think Indi's suggestion about breaking up with him is a good idea. If you want to break up with him, fine, do it, but don't try to manipulate him into marriage.

I wondered if a guy would post that breaking up is manipulating him. I suppose it is in a way. But what classically happens is a gal gives a guy many hints and even overt opportunity to commit, but no dice. So the woman emotionally distances herself from him in preparation for a breakup. One of the big differences b/t guys and gals (I think) is that women tend to 'leave' the relationship well before actually breaking up. The signs are always there tho, for an observant guy (assuming he cares).

So, if she gives him this trial period he will find out if he really wants to be w/her longterm *before* she emotionally checks out. Otherwise, it will be the classic 'girl breaks with guy' --> 'guy left wondering what happened and how to get her back, to no avail'. Numerous threads here show how that normally turns out.

Remember guys, by the time she actually breaks up with you, she's usually long-gone from the relationship.

[thiudiskr]

Well, as a man, I define an exclusive relationship in and of itself a commitment. I don't see marriage as another level of commitment or another level in the relationship. So it baffles me to know that a woman would ruin a good and healthy relationship over marriage. It sounds compulsive to me. And furthermore, why is it necessary to leave him high and dry? This kind of behavior would only prove to me that the woman is not really committed to the relationship, but to her own fantasy of being a wife and having a ceremony, and her social status. IMO, that's nearsighted.

I'm actually getting married next winter, FWIW. My SO and I talked about it a lot. We kept the communication going. Neither of us were accustomed to the idea at first, but eventually we both decided that's how we want to continue our relationship. It won't change anything except a legal status, and that's how it should be.

[IndiReloaded]

Right, but the OPs partner is basically a momma's boy. Your situation sounds quite different. Also, she has a young child to think about, and is looking for stability. IMO, the only reason to get married these days is if one is raising children. Otherwise, go have a nice zen commitment ceremony someplace, exchange rings, etc but keep the government out of it.

[thiudiskr]

After processing it a bit, I'm starting to see why she was offended by his comment. If a woman is looking for stability, however, dating a 25 year old college student isn't the smartest move. I agree with you that she should seek a more compatible partner.

[IndiReloaded]

I agree with you that she should seek a more compatible partner.

Shhhh! :he's not the only one that might rethink things over a break: ;-)