will men really commit after marriage?

[Junket]

I want to reach the point where i'm 100% bored with women sexually, the point where i'm had sex with just about all different types of attractive women and i've tasted all the flavors out there.. one i've reached that point.. i'll be satisfied.. and then the only other step for me to take.. is to find someone to "settle down with"

I will reiterate I think it's ridiculous so many people view marriage is first step to "settling down".

Unless you're extremely promiscuous, and I understand some people are...I don't see why marriage needs to be synonymous with living a boring life until you die.

[gHEXjt]

I will reiterate I think it's ridiculous so many people view marriage is first step to "settling down".

Unless you're extremely promiscuous, and I understand some people are...I don't see why marriage needs to be synonymous with living a boring life until you die.

So many people share this view because when relationships progress, they become boring. Once infatuation wears off, so too does a lot of the spontaneity and fun in the relationship. You are "settling" because regardless of what you think, you can never really be sure that there is not someone out there that is even better for you than the one you are with. At some point in life, everyone gets bored with their SO. You see the same person every day, run out of discussion topics, no longer care about your appearance in front of them. That is settling...everyone reaches that point.

Additionally, a lot of people do many more crazy things when they are single. I don't do half the crazy shit I do during times that I'm in a relationship as opposed to when I'm single. When you get married, or "commit," or whatever, you are forever giving up the opportunity to "sew your wild oats." That is settling down. The fact that you think you are possibly missing out on something better.

Anyway, I think most people go into marriage with the idea that they are willing to commit. I have found though, that at some point every long-term relationship (I'm talking marriage specifically right now) hits a snag it never recovers from, except in incredibly rare instances. I think at that point is when people definitely start to stray, unless they are too old at that time to bother. It may be 20 years into a marriage, but I believe that most couples that are married for a long time stay together not because they still love each other, but because they just don't hate each other enough to get divorced as it would cause a tremendous inconvenience for them. It's easier just to stay married and deal with each other as little as possible.

[Junket]

You see the same person every day, run out of discussion topics, no longer care about your appearance in front of them. That is settling...everyone reaches that point.

I suppose there's some truth to all of that, but I would disagree that that is an absolute truth.

Those things will depend upon what kind of lifestyle the couple agree to pursue/live.

but I believe that most couples that are married for a long time stay together not because they still love each other, but because they just don't hate each other enough to get divorced as it would cause a tremendous inconvenience for them.

This I find false. Or at least far too generalizing to consider credible. In any normal, healthy relationship, you grow used to the other individual. Comfortable.

But love is more than just that initial excitement you have when you go on those first couple of dates. It's more than that unrelenting lust for each other during the early years. There's an attachment, a level of comfort, familiarity found with that other individual.

Thing is, if both parties get married while holding different aspirations for their future, there will quickly be some issues. I don't see the point in getting married when one person wants to travel the world and the other wants 4 kids and a white picket fence.

Some people should just say "No", to marriage, rather than give in to societal pressures. In that situation it's more trouble than it's worth.

[LostNotFound]

i agree with fras. i dont think marriage should mean settling down.

i havent had much freedom so to speak so when i get married i wana do everything i missed out on with my husband.

[IndiReloaded]

I read this thread and I'm thinking to myself: how much should I say? I feel a little like a parent considering telling their kids about the Santa Clause myth.

Hmmm.

What I will say is that, like anything else that's good in life, it comes at the cost of hard work. And since we all have limited time, this generally means you may have to give some things up to gain something else. Think about it.

[Junket]

I don't usually like to talk about things that I've yet to experience. However, I do know that I have some aspirations and dreams about married life that I would discuss first with my partner before taking the knee.

So far, me and my current girlfriend share a lot of common ground in that area, but we're also not talking about it too seriously right now. I wouldn't get married for at least another year or so.

[IndiReloaded]

I don't usually like to talk about things that I've yet to experience. However, I do know that I have some aspirations and dreams about married life that I would discuss first with my partner before taking the knee.

So far, me and my current girlfriend share a lot of common ground in that area, but we're also not talking about it too seriously right now. I wouldn't get married for at least another year or so.

Fras, the most important and, IMO, most forgotten thing about marriage is that it is a PARTNERSHIP. Not really different from a business sort, in many ways. Marriage should allow two ppl to come together and accomplish more than either could have done on their own. Now, the details of what those goals are, and how this happens are things that need discussing. But, I think many ppl don't go through this planning stage, to their ultimate detriment.

Marriage is NOT all about flowers & sex & romance & love forever. If that's what you want, you are better off staying single and just having a stream of longterm relationships.

[Junket]

Fras, the most important and, IMO, most forgotten thing about marriage is that it is a PARTNERSHIP.

Marriage is NOT all about flowers & sex & romance & love forever.

I hope you're not directing that towards me.

I find it patronizing.

[IndiReloaded]

I hope you're not directing that towards me.

I find it patronizing.

The last sentence wasn't directed at you, it was a general comment arising from the previous paragraph. But the first paragraph definitely was. I agree you need to discuss goals w/your partner.

Why on earth should you find this patronizing? I've been with my husband for almost 20 years. My advice & comments come from that personal experience. Take away what you will from it. Or don't, as you wish.

[alidile]

marriage is pointless. maybe it's just me and i'm only 20 but a good friends parents have never been married and some of my best friends are in their mid 20s and never cheated. marriage i just to show something to the outside. you don't need it.
what i'm getting at is the marriage is just a formality that's not going to do anything for the actual relationship. if you're that dedicated to one another and "feel" it than you shouldn't need it regardless.

[IndiReloaded]

marriage is pointless. maybe it's just me and i'm only 20 but a good friends parents have never been married and some of my best friends are in their mid 20s and never cheated. marriage i just to show something to the outside. you don't need it.
what i'm getting at is the marriage is just a formality that's not going to do anything for the actual relationship. if you're that dedicated to one another and "feel" it than you shouldn't need it regardless.

This is an old argument; marriage or not. The decision is a complex one & I'm personally ambivalent about it for todays younger generation. For those who DO consider it, tho, I would suggest it be viewed as less of the 'ultimate romance experience' and more of a commitment to attempt growth in the presence of another committed individual.

[Mish]

I think a non-marriage long term relationship benefits the guy. Statistically guys earn more than women and there is no 50 / 50 split to worry about at break up. Guys get more control financially if resources are kept in seperate bank accounts since they earn more and have a bigger financial muscle. Thus it would not be easy to control them in that kind of a relationship.

However, from another point of view, I can see how this could affect the unity of the family. That kind of setup may be more individualistic and more prone to conflict. I guess in the end it comes down to what works.

[Illusional]

wow, after receiving one hour of committing to sex, you expect us to commit everything.. damn.

oh that reminds me, of course my ex gf... well at the time we were in the middle of our "sessions" and she stops right on the middle of it. we have never talked about love and of course she has to ask me, "do you love me" when my dick is in her. damn this is one tricky girl. what what do you expect me to say?!?! F*CK!?!?!

raverboy

[Gigabitch]

FYI, everybody, this thread was just reported because somebody was being "unfriendly".

Did I miss something? Can somebody clue me in as to what is so unfriendly? Because if somebody is just being a big crybaby, I seriously don't have time for this shit today.

[Junket]

FYI, everybody, this thread was just reported because somebody was being "unfriendly".

Did I miss something? Can somebody clue me in as to what is so unfriendly? Because if somebody is just being a big crybaby, I seriously don't have time for this shit today.

Yeah, Charismatic73 reported me because I edited her spamful posts in a mean way.

Just go through her post history, everything I edited was originally an advertisement for some dumb website. As far as I'm concerned, I don't have to be nice to anybody who breaks the rules.

I am corrupt.