Month after we break up my EX is dating my friend. Pls Advice!!!

[Gana]

glad you're realizing it. sounds like she has her own personal issues and insecurities and seeks to feel whole and complete with her partners. at first, it gives her a good feeling but eventually it wears off and she grows hot and cold and starts nitpicking things that are wrong with the other person and blaming those for the cause of her unhappiness when in reality it's never the other persons responsibility to do that for her. its her own.

now don't get me wrong, its not all her fault. im sure you had your own problems and issues in the relationship too. however, its important to realize this and see her for the dysfunctional person she is. this will help make it easier to let go of her knowing that you are really not losing all that much. in fact, you're freeing yourself up and liberating yourself from a toxic relationship. PM me if you need more advice or something. i'll be happy to help.

- kevin

For some reason, cant PM you, it isnt allowing me to, so here i am writing the mssg.

Thanks a lot for your advice, they are really really helpful. Think i do realise having her back would be the same thing all again, I will be in-secured about her all the time of whom is she flirting with or talking to, i was never like this but i became insecured after i found out she slept with someone while she was travelling alone on a holiday and she loved ot flirt. We weren’t technically together then but we did have an understanding between us, she would call me every day to check on how i was doing while she was travelling. Just one thing i need your adivce on, please tell me if I should cut all communication with her or just play it easy and cool. I have only called her once in last one month that too two weeks back. Neither has she called in a month's time. But she has always initiated an online gmail chat every 4-5 days, that too a very general one, not asking how am i doing but a very random 2 minute pointless banter. I am good at controlling myself from not calling or pestering ex flames, i havent initiated a single conversation with her in a long time. I read, you insist on losing all communication on your blog.

She is still on my facebook and I keep going on her profile everyday to check what she's been upto, although i have started to control that today onwards. My one friend tells me to block her off completely, this will screw with her mind and will make her annoyed with me which is good coz it will make her realise that its not her only who has the power to do as she wants. It still hurts me that she is starting to date a friend of mine a month after we broke up. But this may also show her that I was weak to have her as a friend and couldn’t move on like her.

Second friend tells me to not to react and not to bother at all, rather keep it as it is, control myself from visiting her profile and try not find out what she is upto. I shouldn’t react and move on in life since this chapter with her is forever closed. This will keep her wondering if I know about whats going with her life ( she doesnt know that i found out about my friend and her hooking up) and sometime or other she will end up stalking my profile and being jealous knowing I am doing all good without her. - But if she initiates an online chat, should I talk to her casually or just not reply. I do not want to come across as weak coz I know it will make her feel good somewhere.

I have already moving on from her, I feel, its just that I feel jealous of the fact that she is starting to date a friend of mine (He is a cool guy) and they might get serious together coz both of them are full-time musicians ( he is fairly succesfull) unlike me, I am part time musician since i have other job as well; this is messing with my head and I feel like having her back, knowing it won’t keep me happy as well. If she was with someone else, I wouldn’t have felt as bad. Please let me know what you think.

lastly, should i let her know that i know about her hooking up with my friend?? Please advice...

Thanks a lot on advance.

[Messdupnmisshim]

Omg delete her from fb! U are just going to torture yourself! Delete delete delete!

If my ex had a past like yours- I wouldn't be able to EVER trust him again! She is confused and probably can't spend any time alone. Call her a vampire! Sucks new life from people so she can fill her own needs! She probably can't spend one minute alone with herself.

When I was w my ex, his ex gf- who I know- pulled the same thing. I only saw it as a scream for attention. I also thought- if u want him bk so bad- why are u sleeping with his friend? My ex also pulled the I want to marry u crap- but u know what- it's all bs.
I'm learning that in a relationship it is best to take things very slow, try your best to stay in the present and not worry about the future, and just allow yourself time to really get to know that other person with out additional weight on the r/ship.

She sounds like a confused attention seeking person. All she is going to do is make you confused! You're still moving on! Everything is ok! All she did was show you that SHE is the problem and has the issues. So go continue to heal yourself from her vampire ways so you don't turn an awesome girl into a vampire! When you get all of your energy back and start feeling like yourself again- you'll revisit this and have a clearer picture of it all.

[Messdupnmisshim]

Don't let her know about anything. That can just give her a chance to lie, or hurt u, or even worse- set you back from your healing and feed her vampire ego.

[Kevin K]

damn that sucks man, especially since its ur friend and hes a musician too. that would be a rough one for my self esteem. especially since you mentioned that hes more "successful" than you. thatd bug the shit out of me.

also, she didnt really cheat. you two were apart. that whole calling everyday and checking in shit sounded needy and desperate. im just being blunt here man. you two were apart. i know it hurts but im sure that made her feel much less attracted to you. in fact, she must have lost attraction for you if she wanted to take a break or whatever it is you guys were on.

my philosophy is that happy women dont cheat. if they are happy and getting their needs met, they have no reason to go elsewhere. unless of course they are very insecure and thrive off attention. now every girl loves attention so dont just write her off as insecure immediately. she may have felt a lack of appreciation from you or felt liek you were taking her for granted and not treating her special like you were in the beginning. this is what may have caused her to seek that feeling of appreciation elsewhere. lots of different factors at work here and i cant pinpoint what it was without talking to you personally. but yes, i recommend cutting off all contact and removing facebook too. you are going to torture urself byu checking up on her and keeping tabs on her life. let go and move on. and no, dont let her know anything. itll only make you look weaker and insecure because youre affected by it. just deal with it on your own and work thru the emotions and move on. at least youll keep your pride in tact that way.