I annoyed him - Please advise

[Mish]

I just dont agree that it should get physical no matter what. Verbal abuse is already a lot.

I agree. The guy initiated the physical bit by pushing her out of the room, she initiated the argument though he provoked her in the first place. No one would treat their parents like this if they were nagging or yelling at them. There were a lot of options he could have taken if he was a better man. He could have left. He could have tried to dissolve the situation by not saying anything. He could have listened to get to the root of the problem, but he chose the physical approach. The fact that he acted in this manner shows the type of a person deep down inside he really is.

Neither one of them is faultless of course, the woman takes the blame for unnecessary escalation and drama, she could've done a lot to defuse the situation, but it doesn't change the fact that this is not the right relationship for either one of them. I think it's a good time to call it quits before there is an escalation and someone ends up really hurt.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

I think lack of communication takes place here as well. He seemed to have alot of built up anger in him and so did she because they did not communicate their problems with one another.

[Mish]

I think lack of communication takes place here as well. He seemed to have alot of built up anger in him and so did she because they did not communicate their problems with one another.

I think so to. It's sad to see situations like this that could have been very easily avoided.

[carl1222]

I understand that it is his room, but to avoid any physical problems it is only best to leave. Let her talk to herself in the room. If you feel that getting physical is the best way to get your way with someone, IMO thats bad. I mean, if a family member was in your room annoying you and nagging you about something and refused to leave would you push him/her to the ground? Now I'm not picking sides here at all, because she was taunting him, but he could have been the more mature one and just leave her act immature.Feeling the necessity to get physical is immature to me. When she finally leaves the room he can go in and lock her out and ignore her. But he chose to sit and argue with her til she pushed his buttons so far that he got physical. This is not a female vs. male thing for me, cuz either which way it is wrong to put your hands on someone just cuz you arent getting your way. I just dont agree that it should get physical no matter what. Verbal abuse is already a lot.

Why do I get the sinking feeling that the OP is leaving out a lot here? She's not complaining that he is a physically violent person, yet all we hear is how she ended up on the floor.

My guess is that a fly on the wall would tell us there was a lot more physical violence on her part than the OP is letting on.

Carl.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Well that would just make her equally wrong, Carl. Physical violence is wrong no matter what sex,race,etc.

[carl1222]

Well that would just make her equally wrong, Carl. Physical violence is wrong no matter what sex,race,etc.

I agree with that.

[andora]

@ Mishanya – no, I didn’t mention anything about him not getting me a present. I agree, physical abuse is ugly and if he was truly speaking out how he really feel about me then am so disappointed, I cant bring myself to ask him if he was serious!

@ Cain, he pushed me when I was standing upright and I moved few steps backwards and fell on my back, that is when I stopped fighting back. I think the chest pains are originating from that fall. In your second post, yes, I was very wrong to follow him to his room and start a fight.

@Angel80, the relationship before this incident was ok, the only thing that we have disagreed over is him working nights. I knew him for a year before we started dating, he is a leader figure but not bossy. In fact he fights for workers rights at his workplace, he is a chairman in some department there and he is re-elected every year, people love him. At home, he does everything including cleaning and cooking. He has a perfect relationship with his family. About our relationship, actually we were closer when we were not living together, he is the one who suggested that I move in with him and when I did, he just cooled off, I think that was good enough for him. Though we live in the same house, we rarely spend time together. But anyways, his good side overweighs his bad one.

@Gigabitch, thanks, by all means, I don’t want to let him know that what he did was ok because it is not! There is a visible change in our relationship already.

@Indireloaded, I didn’t even know my inner bitch exists until that day…lol. And yes, now I know how angry a guy can get but that is when use of self control comes in. If something like that could happen again, I would do what Indignat suggested, leave the house, don’t fight.

@LadieNisha4u2nv, I agree, I think we do have communication problems, sometimes I think he is very arrogant, sometimes like that night, I tell him in his face. The only thing he likes discussing about is politics not our relationship. CNN rules in our house…lol. Also, from my experience, yes, physical violence is not only wrong but very ugly and I take the blame for starting the fight in the first place

@Carl1222, he didn’t hit me; we pulled and pushed each other. However, it is violence because my body hurts still, 3 days later.

Right now, I still have mixed feelings towards him; I guess I need more time to get over it. I am still avoiding him, making sure I get home when he has left for work and leaving for work before he gets home. For him, I don’t know how he is doing.

Thank you all for your time and input…….it is good to hear what other people think!

[kate_spencer]

Hi there Andora,
From what I read, I think your fight is getting worse now.. ignoring and avoiding each other inside the house.. that's bad. Though you have reasonable reasons to do that (if anyone in the house tortures my computer.. I'll bite! seriously )

Well, I hope everything get better soon.. and as soon as the tension gets lower and lower.. you'll just realize that you're ok again.. maybe you'll just get more cautious about your laptop speaking of which, is it ok now?

[Indignant]

He didn't hit her. He pushed her.

Why is it that the man is expected to walk away from every confrontation no matter what the woman does? If a woman start punching the man in his face, he's expected to just sit there and take it because God forbid he do anything physical back to her. It was HIS room. Not hers. Why should he have to leave not only HIS room but the house also?

She was in the wrong by following him to his room with the intention of starting a fight. Yeah, maybe he provoked it by not getting her something for Valentine's Day, but she could have just as easily avoided confrontation by not following him to his room.

you sound like someone who HAS hit or pushed a woman, and now is trying to defend yourself in our eyes. any man who has NOT hit a woman would not be defending the abuser. you are emotionally involved in this topic. so am I.

I have been hit/pushed. I had a huge fight with my bf. Got into my car. Left. Drove to the beach. Sat their for hours crying. When came back he was waiting for me in the garage. Threw me/pushed me to the ground, when I tried to get up again, threw me against my car. All this time yelling, did you go **** someone else bitch. Now mind that not one word came out of my mouth. I was not screaming or yelling at him. In my head it was already over and I didn't want to waste my breath on him. Guess what? He ended up in jail, we have cameras in our parking lot.

[Indignant]

@ Cain, he pushed me when I was standing upright and I moved few steps backwards and fell on my back, that is when I stopped fighting back. I think the chest pains are originating from that fall. In your second post, yes, I was very wrong to follow him to his room and start a fight.

@Carl1222, he didn’t hit me; we pulled and pushed each other. However, it is violence because my body hurts still, 3 days later.

just imagine how he'd be with kids when they start to annoy him.

[Cain]

you sound like someone who HAS hit or pushed a woman, and now is trying to defend yourself in our eyes. any man who has NOT hit a woman would not be defending the abuser. you are emotionally involved in this topic. so am I.

I have been hit/pushed. I had a huge fight with my bf. Got into my car. Left. Drove to the beach. Sat their for hours crying. When came back he was waiting for me in the garage. Threw me/pushed me to the ground, when I tried to get up again, threw me against my car. All this time yelling, did you go **** someone else bitch. Now mind that not one word came out of my mouth. I was not screaming or yelling at him. In my head it was already over and I didn't want to waste my breath on him. Guess what? He ended up in jail, we have cameras in our parking lot.

I've never hit a woman. In fact, I've never pushed a woman before either. The most I've done is grab a woman's wrists when she tried to hit me.

I'm involved in this topic because I have opinions. I've never killed anyone either but I'll defend someone that shoots an intruder in their house. I don't have to have done something to be able to have an opinion.

I'm sorry to hear that you were hit, but do you really want to compare that situation to this one? You weren't in this house when this happened so you don't know how this all went down. From what I gather, he tried to move her backwards out of his room and she started to push him and pull him. He, eventually, pushed her backwards. He didn't pick her up and slam her. He didn't push her so hard that she left her feet. He pushed her and she TRIPPED over her own FEET and fell to the floor. She has said that.

Yeah, let's arrest this guy for physical abuse.

[Indignant]

I've never hit a woman. In fact, I've never pushed a woman before either. The most I've done is grab a woman's wrists when she tried to hit me.

I'm involved in this topic because I have opinions. I've never killed anyone either but I'll defend someone that shoots an intruder in their house. I don't have to have done something to be able to have an opinion.

I'm sorry to hear that you were hit, but do you really want to compare that situation to this one? You weren't in this house when this happened so you don't know how this all went down. From what I gather, he tried to move her backwards out of his room and she started to push him and pull him. He, eventually, pushed her backwards. He didn't pick her up and slam her. He didn't push her so hard that she left her feet. He pushed her and she TRIPPED over her own FEET and fell to the floor. She has said that.

Yeah, let's arrest this guy for physical abuse.

let's just hope they don't have kids.

[andora]

Nope, we have no kids....thank God!

[Mish]

So what are you going to do Andora?

[Junket]

Indig is nothing but emotionally charged.

Anyway, if someone approached me in my own room simply to instigate, they'll soon realize they bit off way more than they can chew.

First you ask them to leave a few times.

If they don't and continue to hurl fighting words, you start by throwing a few back, but you stay calm. It's best if you're distracted by something else, a magazine, or your computer. Not that you're actually paying attention to it, but it irritates people when it seems like you're not paying them full attention.

If they still refuse to leave your room, or even better, get closer to invade your personal space, you wait until they say something that really hits your buttons, or don't. But you can just pick something to get riled over. At which point you jump out of your bed or chair violently and get right in their face and yell at them at the top of your lungs to basically, get out (but with a lot more profanity) to the point veins are popping out of your neck, your face gets red, your eyes looked crazed and your voice will be hoarse afterward.

The point here is to catch them off guard and startle them that the only thing they can think to do is get away from you crazy ass.

Or if you're not comfortable even suggesting you might get violent (even if you don't intend to), you can leave your room and lure them out, then turn around and go right back in and close and lock the door.

If you don't have a lock and they barge in again, see my first suggestion.

Those are my non-physical suggestions.