Girlfriend still talks to summer fling/friend

[dmacfour]

She still likes him. You're around because they can't work it out either because he lives too far or he won't commit. 100% guaranteed that when you guys break up she's gonna go right after that fling again. She still talks to him so they can keep each other one their line.

I did mention that he is the one continuing to contact her (He initiates every time). She's not going out of her way to stay in contact with him.

[misombra]

She's responding...

[JoeyJR]

Oh hell nah. If it was me, I would have a talk with her, and tell her her straight up how I feel, I wouldn't give a damn if it pushes her away or gets bothered by it, if she truly likes you and values the relationship she would cut him off and put your feelings in consideration first, if not then i'd tell her to GTFO!! But thats just me though LOL

[Ariadne]

Oh hell nah. If it was me, I would have a talk with her, and tell her her straight up how I feel, I wouldn't give a damn if it pushes her away or gets bothered by it, if she truly likes you and values the relationship she would cut him off and put your feelings in consideration first, if not then i'd tell her to GTFO!! But thats just me though LOL

That is absolutely not fair and a guaranteed way to screw up a relationship. You can't make your lover choose between you and a friend. Even if they choose the way you want, they'll resent you for it.

[Ariadne]

She's responding...

She probably doesn't want to be rude. I'm sure she valued their time together and doesn't want him to think that she was only nice to him because they were hooking up. That doesn't mean that she's cheating or will cheat or go after him if her and OP's relationship hits a snag. I'm like that quite often--even if I can tell that a guy is into me, as long as he doesn't try to press me to get with him I'll be as polite to him as I would be to anyone else. OP should be cautious, but it doesn't sound like anything scandalous is going on. She's allowed to have male friends just as much as he's allowed to have female friends. I'm sure he has at least one girl friend who wants to get with him, too. Does that mean it's ok for her to go through his phone and tell him he's not allowed to talk to her?

[doppelgaenger]

That is absolutely not fair and a guaranteed way to screw up a relationship. You can't make your lover choose between you and a friend. Even if they choose the way you want, they'll resent you for it.

He's not just a friend.

[Ariadne]

He's not just a friend.

*erases* I misinterpreted what you said. He is just a friend--he just happens to be a friend she slept with. From the beginning he was just a friend with benefits. There's no reason to think that she would want to pursue a relationship with him just because she's replying to text messages. Based on the messages the OP posted, it just sounds like she's being polite to me.

[misombra]

She probably doesn't want to be rude. I'm sure she valued their time together and doesn't want him to think that she was only nice to him because they were hooking up. That doesn't mean that she's cheating or will cheat or go after him if her and OP's relationship hits a snag. I'm like that quite often--even if I can tell that a guy is into me, as long as he doesn't try to press me to get with him I'll be as polite to him as I would be to anyone else. OP should be cautious, but it doesn't sound like anything scandalous is going on. She's allowed to have male friends just as much as he's allowed to have female friends. I'm sure he has at least one girl friend who wants to get with him, too. Does that mean it's ok for her to go through his phone and tell him he's not allowed to talk to her?

they had the sex.

[doppelgaenger]

*erases* I misinterpreted what you said. He is just a friend--he just happens to be a friend she slept with. From the beginning he was just a friend with benefits. There's no reason to think that she would want to pursue a relationship with him just because she's replying to text messages. Based on the messages the OP posted, it just sounds like she's being polite to me.

Who implied that he is her owner? Why do you think he should invest any trust in a person who is chatting to her ex fling and reminiscing about their previous sex life together?

[Ariadne]

Who implied that he is her owner? Why do you think he should invest any trust in a person who is chatting to her ex fling and reminiscing about their previous sex life together?

He was the one to bring it up, not her. And she answered shortly and politely--and based on my experience with situations like that, I think she was probably uncomfortable when she answered (I could very well be projecting). I don't think OP should trust that guy. I think he'd snatch her up in a heartbeat if he had the chance. But he should trust that his girlfriend won't GIVE him that chance. Not blindly trust of course. But he also shouldn't blindly accuse her of something she MIGHT do in the future or tell her she can't talk to someone because of his fear that she might.

[dmacfour]

Who implied that he is her owner? Why do you think he should invest any trust in a person who is chatting to her ex fling and reminiscing about their previous sex life together?

She's been chatting with him like a good friend since before we started dating. But the two instances above are the only borderline comments I've seen him send. Her's was borderline two, but like a poster above said, she was probably being polite (A girl I told about this at work thinks the same thing). The girls I know don't like to hurt people's feelings by bluntly shutting them down.

Otherwise everything between them has been platonic.

[LostOne]

dont trust her.. leave her find a better girl thats not cool her laughin at sex jokes and being all flirty. **** that man, leave her if i found some shit like that on her phone she would be done

[JoeyJR]

dont trust her.. leave her find a better girl thats not cool her laughin at sex jokes and being all flirty. **** that man, leave her if i found some shit like that on her phone she would be done

Fu.ck yeah man. Same here.

[RdHrshyKss]

im sorry OP, but i'm a woman, and if i truly cared/loved the person i was with, i wouldn't put myself in flirtatious situations like that. and she does it continuously since you said she talks to him often. this girl knows what this guy is about and she likes the attention. who wouldn't. but if they were just "friends", she would have told him flat out that she doesn't feel comfortable talking like that because she is with someone. if he was her "friend", he would respect that and stop talking to her like that. this flirtation is continuing because she still has feelings for him. maybe she can't act on them now, because he's however many states away and she's in a relationship with you, but she's keeping her options open by not shutting him down. you need to address this and tell her your concerns...stop brushing it off and making it sound like it's no big deal because it is a big deal. she's being completely disrespectful talking to a guy like that when she's in a relationship with you.

[dmacfour]

im sorry OP, but i'm a woman, and if i truly cared/loved the person i was with, i wouldn't put myself in flirtatious situations like that. and she does it continuously since you said she talks to him often. this girl knows what this guy is about and she likes the attention. who wouldn't. but if they were just "friends", she would have told him flat out that she doesn't feel comfortable talking like that because she is with someone. if he was her "friend", he would respect that and stop talking to her like that. this flirtation is continuing because she still has feelings for him. maybe she can't act on them now, because he's however many states away and she's in a relationship with you, but she's keeping her options open by not shutting him down. you need to address this and tell her your concerns...stop brushing it off and making it sound like it's no big deal because it is a big deal. she's being completely disrespectful talking to a guy like that when she's in a relationship with you.

I ended up telling her straight up what I was pissed about. I got visibly angry and she asked what was wrong, so I just spilled it out, pretty calmly considering. I told her it was inappropriate to stay close to him, that it doesn't fly that they talk so much, that it's not okay to send vaguely flirtatious texts, etc. It really got to her because she started crying. She told me that she had no idea it was bothering me this much, and that she would do anything not to lose me. She was apologizing profusely the whole time. I think she thought I was going to break up with her over it.