Was he a narcissist or didn't like me enough?

[marcusarc]

it as been, moving on and letting go it feels like everything it's boring to be honest. i hate to be alone at home when i simply have to i still everyday think of him. i research everything about narcissistic and i've come to the conclusions that yes, he is a sick child and in time who knows in what hole he is going to fall into in time with his selfishness and narcissistic ways. I don't think he will ever face reality, since he goes out with his "music fans" lol and his financial ways / life with no problems.

it's been 2 months and i feel like shit, and i eared his really fine in his life now and i've saw him another day with his ex-affair that he talked me bad about while i was in the relationship lol he doesn't even like him, but that guy was always around him trying to be with him (he never said to him he was dating though, but stopped talking to him cause i got mad after seeing some "not so nice" messages, although he never admitted to me and said i was making movies about it lol cause he didn't like him and said he was a little boring) and now he's hanging out with him. what a two-faced ****?? urgh.

i hate me so much right now. how could i love this still? this doesn't make any sense, i should be ****ing over it. narcissist/selfish call it whatever you want, are the devil.
But this is more about me, personally, i'm afraid of what next relationships are going to be, i'm afraid of my future professionally, i'm afraid of what it's going to happen to me since this all was so unfair... what if it is my fault i choose the wrong ones? i just feel like that being a good and nice person, keeping your dignity and reputation, won't take you anywhere. i'm really loosing all my hope for relationships, people, life itself. it feels like i can't trust anyone anymore, it feels like i'm always going to be in doubt on my next relationship, i won't fall in love again. but the worst, is that i'm afraid to be haunted by him in my life even with no contact since i broke up (friends, relationships, weaknesses). i keep everyday reading this forum and replys, reading narcissists, talking to some friends. it's so unfair to feel like this... someday's i just wake up and i want to call him, go to him and punch him in the face for all the disrespect he had on me, how he treated me. but i know i can't cause then i lose it all.

i can't see the light for myself, i'm becoming obsessed and i feel so lonely as days go by. i'm a co-dependent shit probably, i'm so ****ed if i am one, ain't i? still confuses me if he me turned me into one, or if i am.

[IndiReloaded]

Just be clear: this isn't about him, its about you. Fix *you* and you won't give a spit about him.

[smackie9]

I agree with this^^^. You shouldn't let rejection consume you. This relationship was a bad choice, you learn, you grow, you move on a little more wiser. Stop making excuses, this topic should be over with, stop reliving the disappointment over and over. get busy with life, improve yourself.