need some direction in complex long distance

[Fruitsss]

dont be naive is all i can say

[fecalfeliac]

Well I talked to him! I feel so much better. It was so hard for me to tell him the things I wanted him to know. A little part of me didn't want to let go of my fear of being completely vulnerable to someone. I know I already was, as he truly holds my heart. For some reason I felt I'd be at a total disadvantage sharing that with him. I felt like it wasn't fair he knew all that, and for a while I wouldn't know how he really felt all jokes and silliness aside. He replied exactally as I'd hoped so now we just have to discuss details, and plan around my kiddos schedule hopefully get going thank you all for the advice and direction.

[VincenzoG91]

So which one of you is moving?

[smackie9]

What bothers me about it is that was a serious conversation, one of the first...but while we are just hanging out he throws things out there that give me mixed signals. I feel like enjoying it for what it is is dangerous because I'm scared to be anymore invested in a dead end relationship. I love him so bad its really insane so I don't want to loose him either. I feel like we are sorta on the same page....should I just keep doing it or possibly take a little break for no apparent reason

You are a single mom with 3 kids...you have to date differently because your kids have to come first. Your expectations have to be firm and up front before you invest in a relationship...in this case you didn't and this is what you are stuck with. He loves you, but it's only been a little over a year.....to have to say yes to a future is too daunting. He is trying real hard to work it out, so the only thing you can do it set a time like give it another 6 months to see where you are at, and then do a reality check.

[fecalfeliac]

Yes I agree it is early yet to make any moves. He wont be out of his current lease until after February and is planning to have bought a house by June. I think that's a logical timeline for us to reevaluate things. As of now we do both want things to progress. Vincenzo most definitely it will be the kids and I. Another reason for complications. He has the good Job and will be buying the home so we will come to him.

[fecalfeliac]

I talked to him about it all this past wknd..but before I did I sent him an email telling him that more than anything I just wanted to be with him, and told him that I wish I knew where he felt we were headed. I told him in the email that he didn't need to get back right away, but I felt we needed to discuss it all in more detail soon. He txt me back with answers right away, I couldn't have been happier. I know we still have a while before we make any plans or moves. For the moment, we both feel the same way. AWESOME!

[Guybrush]

Vincenzo most definitely it will be the kids and I. Another reason for complications. He has the good Job and will be buying the home so we will come to him.

As much as I hate questioning what appears to be a happy outcome, I still have to ask whether you are sure about relocating your kids (moving from school and friends, I assume?) to be with your Guy?

I'm not saying you should sacrifice your happiness, but I do not quite see that his job and financial situation is a trump card that gives him the final say about where you should live together.

I have a good job myself, but if I fell in love with a mother of three I would not feel good about her having to move to me if that involved moving three children away from the place and friends they know. Once you have a good job, getting another three hours away should not prove too difficult. And should the house itself (and whose money pays for it) be the defining factor of your relationship? Isn't that a bit old-fashioned?

[fecalfeliac]

That's why its more complicated! I know if not for that Wed have been beyond this. I totally understand what you're saying, myself and my kids have been military brats our entire lives. My husband and I were both enlisted, and his parents, my.bf parentsand my bf is finishing his last year as a reservist now. Moving can be very traumatic, everyone involvement in this is all too familiar with that aspect. One thing in my favor is my little ones are still young and not totally attached to our new location. That may sound bad but from experience moving, for us has.been constant. We don't have the luxury of jumping in to test the water unless its going to.be a sure thing. In that respect I wont even attempt unless it is.

[BlueberryCookie]

Great to hear that things are working out

[HeartIsAching]

Why don't you try asking him?

Nice screen name, BTW. Eeeeeewwwww...