Boyfriend going on exchange to US College for 6 months...wants to break up

[Boisdevie]

He is taking the piss isn't he? Your 'relationship' with him is going nowhere. Dump him now.

[Riku]

I don't think he's being a jerk at all. He's had the same gf since he was 20 years old, he's going to another country to party essentially so he's trying to let you down easy. And no, no one plans on "hugging" other people LOL! He plans on going and having fun, that involves hooking up with other girls. Just because someone is young and wants to have fun while they have the chance doesn't make them a jerk. At least he's not lying and cheating on her. He's not telling the entire truth but I think that's to spare your feelings.

You have every right to be in pain about it. Take the time he's gone to enjoy being single and when he comes back see how you feel. Just because he's off having fun doesn't mean you have to sit at home alone pining over him.

[tremolo]

What does everyone think about when he says he 'might' want to hook up with other girls?

If you assume this is a truthful statement (let's say 50% chance each way), could this just be an extremely honest opinion?

You know, taking in account of drinking/college parties, maybe he's just trying to be fully honest and saying he 'might'.

Could anyone put themselves in his position and actually mean it when they say they 'might' want to hook up? Ever been 50/50 on something? And if you did, how did you feel about your partner at the same time?

You're overanalyzing. Anyway, 'might' could mean, 'I'll hook up if any girls let me'. It could mean, 'if I'm in the mood' - and what guy is ever not in the mood? It could mean, 'I fully intend to but I'll look like less of a d-bag if I give an element of doubt'.

The guy is basically trying to get you to say you're okay with whatever happens when he leaves - that you'll still love him and take him back, so that when he ends up banging another chick(s), he can say, 'Well I told you it *might* happen', and you said you understood.

Please just get rid of this loser now. If a person really loves and is committed to another person, he/she would never say that something 'might' just happen.

[tremolo]

Just because someone is young and wants to have fun while they have the chance doesn't make them a jerk.

Take the time he's gone to enjoy being single and when he comes back see how you feel.

He's a jerk because he's trying to get her to agree to a 'break' while he does whatever he wants regardless of her feelings. He wants to have it both ways, but believe me, he'd raise hell if she tried the same thing on him!

If I were you, I'd tell him to enjoy being single and you hope whatever sex he gets is worth the cost of their relationship, since that will be the price of it.

[Riku]

No I don't think he'd raise hell. I think he would feel relieved that he's free to go do whatever he wants. He's not trying to get her to let him do this, if she does that's just a bonus for him and she would just be stupid. He's trying to tell her he doesn't want to be in a committed relationship when he goes to another country. I really don't see how he's trying to keep this relationship and go off and cheat, it sounds to me like he's breaking it off.

[Wakeup]

You should be happy that he was honest with you. He could have kept his mouth shut and just indulged and you'd be none the wiser. Assume he will be screwing the ass off anything that will let him.

I suspect that OP is not a strong woman and will accept him back when his schooling is finished no matter if he's celebate or not while away. Too often woman are stuuuupid and men know it.

Just because he's off having fun doesn't mean you have to sit at home alone pining over him.

This...

[smackie9]

You also have to look at his choice. He is choosing to go to school to another country. He wants out of your relationship and what better excuse to use. Relationships will come and go, and not everyone wants "forever".....that's only in fairytales. I'm so sorry it hasn't worked out for you, you got the s hitty end of the break up for sure. Be sad, grieve, but don't spend all your time dwelling on it. You will recover, time will take care of that. Before you know it you will feel happiness and be ready to take on life again.

[Bootsie]

Its not anything you are doing wrong, its him wanting to have someone while hes away and then someone waiting for him when he gets back. Is that fair on you?? No its not. Your better off without him, find someone that isnt gonna treat you like a mug. Im sure if the roles were reversed he wouldnt allow you to do what he is suggesting he does.

[ashlees]

Thanks everyone for your support. It has really helped me.

I can let you know that I talked to him today and it is pretty much over.

I found out that lately while he has hung out with his 'girl' friends (which I remind everyone I'm completely fine with), that he said he has more fun with them than me. He said this honestly and wasn't a douche or anything. It was honest and he was very sorry for it.

I guess it's because he lost the love in our relationship and it explains all these reasons.

This, combined with the fact that he loves to travel and his family won't accept me, I guess made the decision easy for him.

I told him to have one more think about it but I'm guessing it's the same thing. You can't really feel differently overnight.

Still wish I could have been enough for him.

Cheers for the advice - since you guys have helped me out, I will make sure I come back and update you when it's finalised.

[smackie9]

We wish you all the best. Thanks for keeping us posted.

[stryped_soxx]

It sounds to me like he has some growing up to do. If he wants to throw away a 3 year relationship on some college whores (excuse my language), then you should let him and don't look back. I know it hurts now, but in time you will realize that he set you free....not the other way around. A year from now, you'll probably meet someone new who treats you the way you deserve to be treated, and you won't even think about this guy. Like I said, its going to hurt for a while. But time heals all wounds...

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You should be happy that he was honest with you. He could have kept his mouth shut and just indulged and you'd be none the wiser.

This is what I was thinking, when I first read this. The OP is definitely gullible enough to believe whatever he tells her, so he could easily just go **** whoever he wants and she'd be none the wiser. Lets get serious here, this guy is going to be gone for 6 months without his g/f, and a guy has got needs. He's just being realistic about it. I don't think that makes him a jerk.

[Gratedwasabi]

I see your point but I honestly believe it's just kissing at the most. I know things aren't great right now but he's always been honest about that stuff I know what he's saying is honest. If he's lying, then I guess I'm an even bigger idiot.

I have an island in the gulf of France I'll sell you.. just send me a check for $2,000 and it's all yours!

He's going to **** other girls. Lots of them. Often. Probably without protection. Break up.

[smackie9]

Guys just read her last entry.... she's acknowledges his decision and understands why he wants out. This thread is done.

[Wakeup]

Thanks everyone for your support. It has really helped me.

I can let you know that I talked to him today and it is pretty much over.

I found out that lately while he has hung out with his 'girl' friends (which I remind everyone I'm completely fine with), that he said he has more fun with them than me. He said this honestly and wasn't a douche or anything. It was honest and he was very sorry for it.

I guess it's because he lost the love in our relationship and it explains all these reasons.

This, combined with the fact that he loves to travel and his family won't accept me, I guess made the decision easy for him.

I told him to have one more think about it but I'm guessing it's the same thing. You can't really feel differently overnight.

Still wish I could have been enough for him.

Cheers for the advice - since you guys have helped me out, I will make sure I come back and update you when it's finalised.

Well, don't be surprised when he gets back that he doesn't try to hook up for sex with you. You blame yourself for what he wants to do so you're gullible and will likely fall for his "game." Make sure you're both on the same page if and when he tries to strike up where you left off.

Good luck, Be entirely grateful that he was honest with you and just didn't go off and pretend that he was being true. You didn't do anythng wrong so don't be blaming yourself. Really... don't.