Why do guys play games?

[Lozenger]

Hmmm - I still choose to just switch off all my feelings for anyone.
I'm not the type who plays games or does tests, I don't think I even know how. But I'm fed up of always being the victim or the one on the outside. It's not just with guys, it's with everyone.

People have stereotyped me and lots of people dislike me for no reason. My family isn't a family, we are 5 individuals under one roof and I feel awkard about hugging my own mum because I don't feel close to her or my siblings. I've given up with my dad, I only see him once or twice a year and he always gets presents for his gfs daughter who is my age but he doesn't send me anything at times, and when he does, it's money through the post.

I've dealt with fake friends and loads of people have bullied me because of my appearance. Now when loads say that you are ugly or whatever, and that nobody has actually taken a general interest in you, you start to believe it. I never felt I could talk to anyone about me being bullied as I didn't feel close enough to anyone.
And on top of it, you get guys who are popular who think they can mock me, or play with me as though I have no feelings and another thing I don't understand is, why do guys actually love/like nasty girls?

All the guys claim to fancy all the fake girls who look like clones of one another, or they like the ones that are really bitchy towards others, ie, me. And yet they are the ones who get admired and loved by everybody and as I'm not a bad/nasty person I just don't see why people wouldn't like me either.

You've probably guessed, but I feel really down right now and don't feel close enough to anyone to say how I feel. For 12 years that all this has gone on, I've always dealt with it on my own and now with exam stress on top it's getting to the point where I just feel like giving up.


X

[Junket]

Hmmm - I still choose to just switch off all my feelings for anyone.

If that holds true, then you haven't met the right guys.

[Lozenger]

If that holds true, then you haven't met the right guys.

At the moment, I'm kinda thinking I never will - they are all the same, I hate them all.(in my school that is)

[Junket]

At the moment, I'm kinda thinking I never will - they are all the same, I hate them all.(in my school that is)

Oh, please.

Like there aren't guys outside of school?

School is for experimenting, I wouldn't bet your ass on finding your future husband there. Plus, with that attitude, you definitely won't find yourself a worthwhile guy.

[Lozenger]

Oh, please.

Like there aren't guys outside of school?

School is for experimenting, I wouldn't bet your ass on finding your future husband there. Plus, with that attitude, you definitely won't find yourself a worthwhile guy.

There are guys outside school, but the ones I have spoken to are all the same - dickheads - and i doubt if I'll find my future husband in my school - as I said, most people have stereotyped me and the boys go along with what the girls say about me - as long as they are considered cool and have a good status, they don't care.

It was people treating me badly in the first place that gave me that attitude. With a life like mine, it's hard to stay positive all the time. I didn't understand why it started to begin with.

[vashti]

How old are you? because the dickhead popuation seems to shrink quite a bit once you get past the mid-to-late 20s.

[Lozenger]

How old are you? because the dickhead popuation seems to shrink quite a bit once you get past the mid-to-late 20s.

I turned 16 in Jan - and I pray to God that that's true

[vashti]

Aww, darling! You are practically a baby! the boys your age generally suck, and the ones worth having are considered "nerdy".

That will change when college rolls around. Keep your eyes on the nerds - they make the best partners, and they get the best jobs as adults.

[littlewing]

There could be a million reasons why your guys play games, also reasons why you think they play games. To name a few...

- He is in a serious relationship and just being loyal

- Lots of girls play mind games so we have to do it too

- He is terribly shy

- He is a kind a guy the loves telling his buddies "this chick always sends me messages I don't know how to get rid of her"

- He doesn't like electronic communication

and so on and on...

The bottom line is that he doesn't know you to pass a judgement therefore don't take it very personally, and he doesn't know you to even say that you are the coolest girl if you have just met so don't take that seriously too.

[IndiReloaded]

Concentrate on your studies & ignore the boys for now. Things get better in college.

[gHEXjt]

Wow, I didn't realize you were only 16. Honestly, guys you know act in the way you question now because they are simply very immature. You've got a long way to go...just relax. I'd say it's pretty common for a 16 yr old to feel some sort of disconnect with their family like you've described. Hopefully that is something that will pass. Just give things some time, you'll be fine. You've got lots of years of boys ahead of you.

A lot of people your age feel like outsiders in their school. It sucks, but a lot of us have been there. Try not to sweat it. At your age people (girls especially) are just downright mean. What my sister and girlfriend I had as a teenager went through at school was unreal. I sure was/am glad I'm not a girl. I always felt like the strong and weak appeared the opposite in high school in terms of girls. You have girls who obviously have such low self-esteem that they constantly bash other people just to make themselves feel better. The strong ones are the ones that don't buy into trying to make others feel bad about themselves. Unfortunately the ones taking the abuse are the ones who sit in their rooms crying at night. Thinking about this stuff literally makes me sick to my stomach. Just stick to the people you do like and avoid the bad. Also, doing something like joining a club or getting a job where other teens work will help you make friends in an environment that isn't so cliqueish.

It really is easy to become stereotyped at your age and like I said, kids are mean. When I was your age I got a job working with a lot of young people in a different town that mostly did not go to my school. Some of them were in the popular cliques, some weren't, but when there isn't a major clique in a situation like a school club or work, those people don't seem to be as judgmental. I truly believed that some of my best friends that I have now, that I met at work many years ago as a teenager, would never had associated with me had I gone to the same school as them. Separation from the clique allows people to actually form their own opinion of you, rather than basing it on what other people tell them.

Basically, just don't be desperate to find a relationship. You are very young and it still isn't very important. 16 is young and relationships at that age are not very mature. Hang in there and try not to get down on yourself.

[littlewing]

Most guys your age are into computer games anyway

[Junket]

Jeez! You're only 15?!

Nevermind, you're too young to be worth consoling on these issues.

Don't even bother with the guys at school.

[vashti]

Hmmm - I still choose to just switch off all my feelings for anyone.
I'm not the type who plays games or does tests, I don't think I even know how. But I'm fed up of always being the victim or the one on the outside. It's not just with guys, it's with everyone.

People have stereotyped me and lots of people dislike me for no reason. My family isn't a family, we are 5 individuals under one roof and I feel awkard about hugging my own mum because I don't feel close to her or my siblings. I've given up with my dad, I only see him once or twice a year and he always gets presents for his gfs daughter who is my age but he doesn't send me anything at times, and when he does, it's money through the post.

I've dealt with fake friends and loads of people have bullied me because of my appearance. Now when loads say that you are ugly or whatever, and that nobody has actually taken a general interest in you, you start to believe it. I never felt I could talk to anyone about me being bullied as I didn't feel close enough to anyone.
And on top of it, you get guys who are popular who think they can mock me, or play with me as though I have no feelings and another thing I don't understand is, why do guys actually love/like nasty girls?

All the guys claim to fancy all the fake girls who look like clones of one another, or they like the ones that are really bitchy towards others, ie, me. And yet they are the ones who get admired and loved by everybody and as I'm not a bad/nasty person I just don't see why people wouldn't like me either.

You've probably guessed, but I feel really down right now and don't feel close enough to anyone to say how I feel. For 12 years that all this has gone on, I've always dealt with it on my own and now with exam stress on top it's getting to the point where I just feel like giving up.


X

I was re-reading this post, and it reminds me of how much it sucks to be 15.

In my observation, there are the trashy kind of girls the boys mess around with in high school (and into their 20s), and then there are the kind of girls they marry. Try to remember this. Your time will come, you can count on it. Just be nice to the lesser-popular boys. They are worth more in the end, trust me.

I am saddened by the relationship you have with your parents. It must make you lonely, which I am sure drives you to a heightened interest in boys to ease the pain. Do you have any adults who you are close to?

[GrkScorp]

At the moment, I'm kinda thinking I never will - they are all the same, I hate them all.(in my school that is)

Well then.., the stereotyping is on its way to completion..

A couple of guys in your school have been (quite immature and insensitive for lack of better words).. and your general hate for the way that makes you feel inside is associated with the entire male population.. that's normal.. so far so good..

From 16 to late 20's.. is a long time to wait to find a guy..

I liked a poster who mentioned something about having to get through a couple of bad apples to get to the good ones.. Either way you look at it.. you're always going to end up with some bad apples.. that's life.. you live.. you learn.. and that's exactly what bad apples give you.. the chance to learn.. if you never bite into a bad apple.. then you'll never know what it feels like.. smells like.. tastes like.. or looks like.. you won't be able to throw it to the side and try and reach for the good apple..

School is rough.. very very rough.. and kids are mean.. insensitive.. and immature.. We all look back at some things we did.. and we're not too happy about it.. we all have moments that cause us to feel ashamed to even remember.. That's a sign of regret.. and regret is knowing how wrong something we did was.. it allows us to not do something like that again in the future.. It's important.. because it allows us to learn.. better ourselves.. and move ahead.. But immature people don't have regret.. at least not at this age.. so they can't sit back and reflect on things they did.. and consider the emotions and feelings of others.. or the impact their actions/words have on them.. they are by definition (b*tches/jerks)..

But an interesting aspect of both (b*tches & jerks) is actually low-self esteem.. Because they don't believe or feel confident in their own self-worth.. because they are not satisfied or validated of their value.. they seek attention and validation from others.. and this comes in the form of seeking popularity to feel socially in demand.. and seeking "relative perceived value" (where they will try and bash others to seem or feel more dominant about their value).. This is because they are trying to overcompensate for what they are lacking.. for what they know they are lacking.. and for what they know the others have.. "the ability to succeed.. do well in school.. and therefore in life".. Isn't it interesting that (b*tches & jerks) end up being nobody after high school is over? They know what fate awaits them.. and if they can't shine now.. then when will they shine? That's exactly the point.. This is exactly why (jerks) will try and bash (nerds) for their lack of "whatever skill the jerk defines as important in high school.. while ignoring the skills & qualities the nerd has which are actually important in life".. This is exactly why (b*tches) will try and bash (nice girls) for their lack of "whatever qualities the b*tches define as important in high school.. while ignoring the qualities the nice girl has which are actually not only attractive to guys.., but important in life.. in raising a family.. and maintaining a good marriage".. It's because these two groups are lacking those qualities.. and are trying to find creative ways to overcompensate for thier lack of those qualities..

For this reason.. college is your best filter.. It automatically weeds out some serious losers.. (think about how much of a loser you have to be to not even be able to make it to college; I know in Europe.. college is like a bootleg university.. but in the states.. the two terms are pretty much the same).. Now.. also important are "majors" or as I like to think of them (what is he doing with his life?).. If a guy is cute.. funny.. and fun to be around.. but is studying (Media Studies.. Sociology, Dance, Acting, and is leaving it at that) then that's where you should leave him too.. Think about what it means to be (Pre-Med, Pre-Law, Pre-Dental, Pharmacy, Accounting, Economics, Finance, Engineering, Mathematics, Statistics, Biology, Chemistry, Physics, etc).. I'll tell you one thing.. "these aren't losers".. you might be programmed to think that way from school.. "oh.. nerd=loser".. but as you get older.. that view will start to change..

For the moment.. let's ignore the (b*tch) population (unless you'd like me to focus on how to deal with them in HS).. let's just focus on the (jerk) population..

Again.. insecure.. need for attention and validation.. jerks will offer you nothing.. because their thirst for attention and validation is more important.. it's unsatisfied.. so your needs and wants mean very little.. so do your emotions and feelings.. which is why they're going to be ignored and hurt.. which is why you want to stay away and ignore jerks (when you know WHY they act the way they do.. they're easier to ignore.. and it's easier to not allow anything they do/say affect you.. because you know why they're doing it.. you know it's not real.. and therefore you know you shouldn't care).. jerks are actually extreamly easy to stay away from.. because they're very easy to spot out..

Red Flags (Signs of a jerk): "Try and notice (overcompensating)"

- Acting "tough" or "macho"
- Acting "cool"
- Trying to belittle you & others; "mean, rude, insulting, attacks on your character (personal/friends, direct/indirect/implied)"
- Trying to overcompensate for what they're lacking; "drawing attention to other things which they will try and define as important and then brag about having them, bragging, flaunting what they have or can do and waiting for a reaction from others"

(Warning: when you don't like someone, or feel angry at them for some reason.. it's easy to see them as fitting all of these.. even if they don't even begin to fit any.. so it's important to be objective.. at least as objective as possible.. because the opposite is also true.. when you really like someone, or feel good about them or around them.. it's easy to see them as not having any of these.. even if they have all of them.. so if you're not objective.. it's very very easy to either imagine that some things apply when they don't.. or overlook some things that are actually there.. so it's important to be as objective as possible.. and the right time to look out for these is in the very beginning "good filtering methods".. if you think you're going to be able to stay objective as time goes by.. you're falling into a trap.. your view will only grow more subjective as time goes on.. so it's important to be able to quickly filter and pick up on these red-flags)

With that being the case.. and with all that being said.., what happens when you find a guy who hasn't triggered any of those red flags? Should you afford him the feelings of hate and anger the rest of the jerks were the cause of? Is it he or the jerks that deserve those emotions? Surely he didn't do anything to you.. and he most definitely doesn't deserve to get the aftermath for what others are guilty of.. These are genuinely great guys.. You will ultimately (hopefully) end up with one in the long-run anyway.. Thoughtful, considerate, sensitive, understanding, affectionate, loving, warm, honest, genuine, supportive, motivational, positive, and good long-term providers.. most importantly.. they're loyal..

So.., you can sit there.. crying to no end.. about all the bad apples around you.. that's one way to handle things..., or.., as you're reading this.. you can think about a couple of guys who are not like the rest... and as you think about a couple of names or faces that stand out or come to mind.. you can start to see not only which ones are the good apples.. but how to go about reaching them.. how to ignore all those bad apples.. and start to see which good apples you want to grab a hold of.. now.., that's an other way to handle things.. it's really up to you which one you prefer..

Best,

GrkScorp