I never had closure...

[MerryH]

Glad to hear you've worked through it.

Your town sounds awesome. Do you mind if I ask how tourism there has been effected due to all the violence and unrest in Mexico, if at all?

[BeingAlpha]

Hey there -- I think I am going to be a little bit different here today and play devils advocate.

So I've read this post, looked it over a lot and also read the post from the guy who believes his ex has Borderline Personality Disorder...and admittedly when I read the PDF I thought huh -- this is an interesting article and gives me some sort of solace...but then I decided - who am I to be diagnosing anyone with anything? When it comes right down to it -- my ex believes that we are incompatible, not the right match, not the one for her -- whatever it is it doesn't matter. She doesn't want to be with me...its a choice, one she will either muddle over for years or one that she has already moved on from -- doesn't make a lick of difference to me because she isn't here with me. No amount of pleading, talking, convincing etc.. is going to change her mind about that.

Now in your particular instance I would say this: it was only 3 weeks -- may have been the most amazing connection in the world; however making decisions such as where you are going to live forever based upon just knowing someone for 3 weeks is in a word -- INSANE!!!

I don't doubt that she felt just as amazing about it all as you did but when she got home and back in her element and back around her old friends reality set in and she realized all she would have to give up to be with you. It was TOO much. I actually had the experience of living overseas for 6 mos, met a girl on my 2nd day in the country and started dating her. When the time came for me to board my plane back to the states she was by my side and we swore we would see each other again -- she did come to the US, visited with me for a month, met my family, friends etc... it was destiny. Until it came the point of: is either of us going to give up our family, give up our friends, give up our careers, give up all that we know? I actually was given a job offer (and a lucrative one) by the company I worked for overseas and could have taken it...but ultimately I had a visceral reaction that I COULD NOT do this...and she had the same visceral reaction. So we parted ways...in a very bitter and unromantic fashion. Thankfully we didn't get caught up in the romance of it all.

As to why this woman will not email or call you back? She has long since moved on, she may be flattered by the fact that 14 years later you still think of her -- but she is probably also saddened and feels guilty about the fact that you still think of her. As each year has passed and you kept reaching out she probably thought -- hell its been another year -- why doesn't this guy get the hint that I don't want anything to do with him? Why can't he move on?

If what you are looking for is for her to send you a note that says "move on" -- she already has for the last 14 years -- through not responding. It is the ultimate indication that someone does not care -- its indifference. Even hatred shows some sign of emotion...whereas indifference shows nothing.

If you watch the movie "serendipity" -- that doesn't happen. Its a movie...and the reason why this feels like that connection was true and amazing and unbreakable is because you never gave yourselves the time to truly spoil it for each other. In 3 weeks its impossible to hate someone, impossible to have an argument about much anything, impossible to get annoyed that they "smack" their lips or whatever. So in essence it was and in your mind remains "the perfect relationship." It was all fake -- you were ONLY scratching the surface. Be happy that you had this experience and pocket the warm memories for a rainy day but thats all they are now -- faded, old, memories.

Do yourself a favor -- take out any old pictures, letters etc.. and send them through the shredder or burn them -- use this as a way to finally release yourself from something that never was.

[Iliveinoblivion]

Yeah, you´re right. Besides, the whole thing has always been very frustrating for me. It makes sense about her having to choose between leaving all her life behind or me, it makes sense she didn´t want to give up living in the States; I always thought those were the reasons but I didn´t want to believe it, I never really wanted to accept she had moved on and that´s why it´s frustrating: To realize that for 14 years of my life I thought there was still some subliminal connection between us. I could never believe she didn´t feel connected. Now I have to accept it was always so.
Fortunately, for already quite a few years I have learned to live with myself and to enjoy life alone with my friends but of course, without admitting honestly to myself she had forgot about me. All those years always thinking that during full moon she would also look up at it and think I was watching the moon too (we used to say that when we met). All those years thinking all sort of romantic notions going on between us even though she was already married. Now, with her actions (or lack of it) I have realized it is what you say: She is totally indifferent to me and she has been so for a long time, from before there was Intenet. Imagine how screwed up that is? Of course I know it´s not my fault, I know there´s nothing wrong with me unless you call "over believing someone" a sin when, in reality it was just emotional dependency. Anyway, I only wanted to do the right thing but it rarely pays well to be open and honest.
I feel better though, knowing she never meant to hurt me and even if I have no proof I want to believe she has always wished the best for me and that helps.

Thank you for your insight. Sometimes we need the world to tell us we are wrong, that we are crazy to believe blindly others...I guess that´s what these forums are for.

In the meantime, I ´ll continue prying hard this tumor that for fourteen years, day and night, it embedded in my mind, that it printed itself like a tattoo in all my thoughts, to delete her voice talking to me all the time....