Desperately Unhappy

[NeoSeminole]

nah, the youngest kid could be 1 1/2 yrs old. When you add 9 mo. from pregnancy, that's over 2 yrs.

[Zilla80]

Wow, those ages are a handful!

Of course you have needs that deserve to be addressed, but I can tell you from experience that after having kids crawling all over you all day, whining and crying while you are chronically sleep-deprived, the idea of your husband crawling all over you at night is sometimes more than a girl can stand. (Sorry, I'm being honest.)

This makes me want to never have kids.

[IndiReloaded]

I agree w/all that Shh has said. FYI, I've been w/my husband almost 20 years. The ups & downs Shh mentions are spot-on.

That said, the problems will not go away on their own. Tho fatigue from small children is certainly a contributing factor, that understanding alone will not help to FIX the issues. You need to get to a skilled relationship counsellor before things get any worse. Communication has broken down & needs to be restored before things can improve. Make sure both of you understand that this will not happen overnight. Marriage is a constant ebb & flow of feelings.

Here is an article you should both read. It will help put things in context. However, it does NOT provide the specific skills you need to (re)learn to reestablish communication. You will need an impartial 3rd party for that.

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/off-topic-discussion/23356-giga-best-wishes.html[/url]

[agatha]

You need counseling.

Maybe counseling is the best solution (for now) to do.
Encourage her also to have counseling in order for both of
you to have peace in your lives. i mean you have be more understanding when it comes to things.

[tequierocb]

Here's my 2 cents!

She could be very well suffering from post partum... It can last years and if its not treated it can turn into a depression...

How about you do something nice for her! For instance....Insteat of pouring your heard out here, get yourself a pen and paper and pour your heart out to her... not making yourself the victim, not making her evil, not critizising.... but just tell her how you feel and how much you love her!

Get the children out of her hair... the poor woman must be stressed! Can't you get your parents or her's to watch the kids for a day and you know.... just let her relax for a day....

Sex is a no no.... let her come to you... Personally I get pissed if Im pushed into sex, and it makes me highly irritable!

Hmm... if you get free time try getting some excercise done -not only puts you in shape but also produce endorphins.... endorphins make you happy... happy attracts happy!!!

Remember there´s always hope and solution for everything!

I´m not sure about your specific situation... but there's always another side to the story!

Have you asked her friends or parents/siblings?

They might know something you don't!

Cheer up!
its going to be okay

[Lihualee]

bump then lurk as soon as possible

[pelican8575]

Stuart,

I know exactly what you are feeling. My marriage of 10 years was the exact same way. Let me ask you does everything revolve around the children? And what denomination of church do you and your wife attend? I am Lutheran lcms. I would recomend you seek councel alone if she will not go with you. Seek councel through a pastor if you can. I felt the exact pain you are feeling now. I was speaking as you are now about 5 years ago on a board very similar to this one. And the advice you are getting will be very helpiful if you act on some of it. I for one was scared if I talked about what I was feeling to her she would think I did not love her. Just as your wife is doing to you. I did not seek councel until one day I went out of town to take an exam to becom a professional land surveyor. Then after the exam I rushed home to spend time with the wife and kids. Only to find out when I got there she wanted a sepperation. Talk about ripping your heart out. That hurt even worse. Then she tells me that she thinks I cheated all thoes years. My question was when would I have had time? I worked 5 days a week 8 hours a day. Took lunce at home was home around 6 everyday. Then spent the weekends with the wife and kids. I was just as confused as you are now. Then recently she accused me of giving her something sexually. I told her I was only with one person before her. And that was in high school. Then some 4 years later she came along.
Listen to me I am highjacking your post. I am so sorry. My friend seek councel weather she wants it or not. You need it just for what you are going thru.
you and your wife have children to think about. If you love her and she loves you then she will go to counceling I does not mean you are crazy. They will help you get back on track in your marriage. You and your wife has grown apart and if yoi sit idle by it will slip from your fingers just like it has mine. I do not wish that on anyone. It is nothing but heart ache. I get teared up everytime I take my kids to their mother. And it has been a year I don't see it getting better.
I know the pain you are feeling by just writing on this board. I use to tear up when I wrote on the board I posted on. But please do something about you problem don't do like I did and wait for it to get better because it won't.