Quote Originally Posted by tmc92ic View Post
I have been dating this girl for a few months now, have been having sex for awhile now too.

While cuddling last night, I asked her if she had ever experienced an orgasm. She said "Yes" with a giggle as if I had asked a dumb question and I found it a bit skeptical. So I asked if she really had one and when it was. She said of course she has had one and that she has one with me every time.

At this point it's clear that she has not had an orgasm or knows what one is. She thinks that cumming is the same as having an orgasm... which it is not (correct me if I am wrong?). Cumming is a short good feeling, while having an orgasm is like cumming over and over for a longer period?

Correct me at any point here if I am wrong please, I don't know too much about this myself to be honest. I did a little research a while before and found out that in order to achieve an orgasm you have to stimulate or play with her clit. One of the best ways to do so is to suck on the clit while fingering her downwards.

That same night, I could tell she was sorta-kind-of in the mood for sex from me rubbing/scratching her body while in bed but wasn't wet or anything. So I asked if she knew where her clit was (this is after the whole orgasm talk above). She said yes but I could tell she only said it because she was remembered not to know and told me it was at the tip. So slipped my hand down there and started feeling around asking her if she felt anything different... I got no reactions.

Some time passes... and I take my hand and put it the side of her face and softly scratch behind her ear, down her chaw to her chin, touch her lip, work back up, run my fingers down through her hair. I discovered a new turn on spot apparently, lol. She starting twitching a little from how much she liked so then run my hand down her pants and start fingering her. I could have actual sex because we were at her grandmas house for Christmas. While down there I noticed something I noticed before when having sex a few other times. A small ball/bell like thing not on the tip of her vagina but also not inside. I figured that was her clit so I played with it a little and asked her if she felt something. At the first two strokes she felt nothing and then she told me she started feeling something. Then she told me to stop as if it was hurting her or something.

I asked her if she felt like it was going to make her pee, she said yes. In the midst of my research on orgasms I saw that women often hold back to something that feels as if she is about to pee. So I told her that was her clit.

Questions:
  1. Is the ball/bell I described her clit?
  2. Is the method I found "Sucking the clit, while fingering her downward" an effective method? If not post what you found effective...?
  3. Can you only stimulate the clit when she is in the mood?


Background Details: (sex related)
  • I am 19, she is 18.
  • She had four other boyfriends before me, two of which were 2 and 3 year relationships.
  • She tells me that all the other boyfriends she has had sex with were virgins.
  • She says that they all would usually cum before her and it would only take like 5-7 minutes.
  • She says that her boyfriend before the last one would never make her cum. (I don't if I could believe this? or she was just saying it to make me happy somehow...)
  • I last longer than her "majority of the time. She usually cums within 5-10 minutes and I am still going.
  • She says she cums with me every time when we do it. I do believe this, I can tell by the things she does before/after. But there is no way to tell for sure...
  • She has never had an orgasm.


One of the concerns I have in the back of my head now is that since I mentioned this to her... it has put an idea or thought into her head. I feel as if I don't deliver an orgasm now she might go looking for one else were. This is unlikely though, it's just a small fear in the back of my head now since I had mentioned it. Shes one of those girls that has only guy friends and shes a serious fvcking light weight when it comes to drinking. That's the main reason why I am here asking for help now...

Please add ANY other feedback as well, you don't have to focus on just my three main questions. Thank you!! and happy holidays!!
Coming and having an orgasm are the same thing. Saying "I just came" is the same as saying "I just had an orgasm".

You don't NEED to stimulate her clit to give her an orgasm, but usually it helps. Every woman is different. If you don't think she can come from vaginal stimulation buy her a vibrator.

1) Sounds like it, impossible to know. Some women have small clits that are almost impossible to feel, some have clits so close to their urethral orifice that it feels like they're going to pee because you're touching where they pee from.

2) An effective method is being comfortable and doing what you enjoy. It sounds like she doesn't have enough sexual experience or the sexual comfort level necessary to achieve easy, consistent orgasms. There is no sure fire method to make every woman come; it depends what they like and finding that out is trial and error + experience.

3) Yes, but you'll numb it out if you play with it too much. Don't go right for it. It's not like with men where if a girl starts rubbing your junk you're good to go; if she's not mentally aroused you can't just rub her clit and expect her to be turned on. Kiss her neck, rub her boobs, run your hands up and down her body, inside her thighs, kiss down her stomach etc. After some gentle foreplay start with clitoral stimulation but again be gentle. Go on a porn site and look up some educational examples (NOT regular porn videos, these are terrible and if you mimic them you'll likely hurt her)