What Am I Afraid Of?

[Aeradalia]

LDR = Long Distance Relationship

Oh I understand Pectabyte... I would surely survive whatever pain is to come my way... I tend to favor the 'plan for the worst, hope for the best' mentality.

I was also curious if I feared him loving me or him falling out of love with me... since I doubt I've ever really been loved by anyone.. to be quite honest. Plenty of times when I thought they loved me... but through the dissolution of those relationships, it became apparent I was mistaken about their feelings... or even they were mistaken about their feelings.

If he really loves me... then I have something real.. and I fear the loss of that through circumstance --- both within my control or beyond it.

[doppelgaenger]

Ohhh Long Distance Relationship as in an E-Relationship. I don't care how much you think you are in love with someone or how much World of Warcraft you play E-Relationships fail for a reason.

Lol, most of those WoW relationships that come on here are minors, not adults. Thus they are incapable of pursuing the relationship until later on.

'E-relationships' do have potential. They have the potential a person gives them, anyway.

[Pectabyte]

LDR = Long Distance Relationship

Oh I understand Pectabyte... I would surely survive whatever pain is to come my way... I tend to favor the 'plan for the worst, hope for the best' mentality.

I was also curious if I feared him loving me or him falling out of love with me... since I doubt I've ever really been loved by anyone.. to be quite honest. Plenty of times when I thought they loved me... but through the dissolution of those relationships, it became apparent I was mistaken about their feelings... or even they were mistaken about their feelings.

If he really loves me... then I have something real.. and I fear the loss of that through circumstance --- both within my control or beyond it.

Quite frankly... Don't you think a vast majority of people feel this way? You aren't the first and not the last. Don't forget that.

Everyone looks back at their past relationships and say "did they really love me?"

The "winner" is the one who doesn't develop a complex about this kind of stuff. So be the winner.

[Aeradalia]

Ohhh Long Distance Relationship as in an E-Relationship. I don't care how much you think you are in love with someone or how much World of Warcraft you play E-Relationships fail for a reason.

Uhm... Pectabyte... I met this guy in person... we actually met at a grocery in 'real life' and had a 'real' relationship for a few months before he left for Iraq. So, there is a genuine relationship established here... not an 'e-fantasy'...

So in this case... LDR does not equal E-Relationship.

[Pectabyte]

Uhm... Pectabyte... I met this guy in person... we actually met at a grocery in 'real life' and had a 'real' relationship for a few months before he left for Iraq. So, there is a genuine relationship established here... not an 'e-fantasy'...

So in this case... LDR does not equal E-Relationship.

How long of a relationship? A few months is vague and if a few months means something like 5 months then don't you think you are feeling all this a bit premature?

[Aeradalia]

Quite frankly... Don't you think a vast majority of people feel this way? You aren't the first and not the last. Don't forget that.

Everyone looks back at their past relationships and say "did they really love me?"

The "winner" is the one who doesn't develop a complex about this kind of stuff. So be the winner.

I do think others feel this way or have felt this way... hence why I ask for advice, because I know I can pull from other's experiences about this.

I am trying to be the "winner'... but not developing a 'complex' isn't very easy if you do not know how to avoid it. So I seek guidance and advice from others... try to find the logic in what others say, and go from there.

So, I am doing the best I can not to be swallowed by insecurities as I wait patiently for my SO to return. Having objective views of my thoughts can help keep me grounded in determining what I 'feel' and what really is going on.

[Aeradalia]

How long of a relationship? A few months is vague and if a few months means something like 5 months then don't you think you are feeling all this a bit premature?

We were together for nearly 6 months before he left... there is more to this relationship that lends to the added insecurity.

For one... he is noticeably older than me... though we have much in common intellectually... I still realize he has far more experience with life than I do. This can be rather intimidating at times... though I refrain from bringing this up with him. The 'maturity' I have is a little beyond my age... but is one forged from necessity, not accrual of wisdom as years progress... so I can't help but to wonder if it is really suitable for his intellectual/emotional needs.

All I can do is believe him when he says he loves me, trust him when he says he has been faithful, and gain in confidence as he shares his intimate thoughts, fears, hopes, and dreams with me. From what I've learned from the experiences of others (via observation and advice)... he seems to be treating this relationship as genuine and not as a way to play with my affections for some hidden agenda.

[Pectabyte]

We were together for nearly 6 months before he left... there is more to this relationship that lends to the added insecurity.

For one... he is noticeably older than me... though we have much in common intellectually... I still realize he has far more experience with life than I do. This can be rather intimidating at times... though I refrain from bringing this up with him. The 'maturity' I have is a little beyond my age... but is one forged from necessity, not accrual of wisdom as years progress... so I can't help but to wonder if it is really suitable for his intellectual/emotional needs.

All I can do is believe him when he says he loves me, trust him when he says he has been faithful, and gain in confidence as he shares his intimate thoughts, fears, hopes, and dreams with me. From what I've learned from the experiences of others (via observation and advice)... he seems to be treating this relationship as genuine and not as a way to play with my affections for some hidden agenda.

Frankly put you don't seem that mature if you have only been dating 6 months and are this tore up over nothing. If anything it tends to make other people believe you are inexperienced and there for immature.

How old are both of you if you don't mind me asking?

[Aeradalia]

Frankly put you don't seem that mature if you have only been dating 6 months and are this tore up over nothing. If anything it tends to make other people believe you are inexperienced and there for immature.

How old are both of you if you don't mind me asking?

My 'insecurities' stem from an abusive childhood... as does my forced display of 'maturity'... I realize I cannot hope to be more than what I am... cannot build from materials you do not have, I suppose.

Oh.. and I guess more insecurities come from a failed marriage as well... that lasted for five years.


I am 24 and he is 36...

And I am accustomed to the inevitable arguments of too great of an age gap, differences in stages of life, the chance he is just manipulating me, Oedipus Syndrome, and questions pertaining to what I could possibly offer him other than sex or a sense of youthfulness.

All I know is he helps me with my mind, makes me feel like a better person, and encourages me to stand up for the things I want or think are unfair... rather than remain subservient. In return, I am very accommodative towards him, understand enough about relationships to alleviate any insecurities he may have, view him as a very dear friend and more, and do view him as someone who has been missing from my life... as his personality and views of life compliment my own.

[Pectabyte]

My 'insecurities' stem from an abusive childhood... as does my forced display of 'maturity'... I realize I cannot hope to be more than what I am... cannot build from materials you do not have, I suppose.

Oh.. and I guess more insecurities come from a failed marriage as well... that lasted for five years.


I am 24 and he is 36...

And I am accustomed to the inevitable arguments of too great of an age gap, differences in stages of life, the chance he is just manipulating me, Oedipus Syndrome, and questions pertaining to what I could possibly offer him other than sex or a sense of youthfulness.

All I know is he helps me with my mind, makes me feel like a better person, and encourages me to stand up for the things I want or think are unfair... rather than remain subservient. In return, I am very accommodative towards him, understand enough about relationships to alleviate any insecurities he may have, view him as a very dear friend and more, and do view him as someone who has been missing from my life... as his personality and views of life compliment my own.

Val... Is that you?

[Aeradalia]

Val... Is that you?

Uhm... no?