all mixed up

[Rosebud]

Good cautionary suggestion, Circle. But evidence of his character is already there. I didn't see Cowgirl saying anything about him dissuading her interest, which, if he doesn't already know, he must certainly sense with clarity. While good outcomes such as you describe CAN happen, I haven't seen anything in Cowgirl's posts which suggests he wouldn't treat her the same way as he's treating his current gf should he and Cowgirl hook-up and he, later, became disenchanted with her for one or another reason. Or excuse. (Remember how those work?)

All in all, it's a sordid little matter, in my view, in which all concerned ought clean-up their current business before moving on to any new business.

I agree with Hayward on this one!

[xycowgirl]

I agree With all of you.. I had an eye opener a few minutes from now.. I called him on his cell phone just to say hi. He was with his car with his girlfriend i am sure of it.. He hardly spoke to me.. I felt like a shit and still do.. Man i can not do this to my BF and his GF.

For the questions that were asked no he does not know it is going up the toillet with my BF. He would not know even how i feel because we joke around so much at work know one has a clue. Honestly i was not sure if he was interested in me. Well i have my answer now. If he was not interested in me he would of not coldly talked to me on the phone. i senced he was felling akward and it made me feel bad. Hell if he thought we were just good friends he would of not been that cold he would of held a normal conversation with me like he always does. I feld like a real dirt bag. Cheating is not for me. I respect my BF more than that.

[Taranee]

First things first. Your current relationship:

If things are going bad, if you don't love him or if he doesn't love you. Break up with him and move out.

Second, about the other guy:

He has a girlfriend. Sure everyone deserves to be happy. So do you! BUT, meanwhile he is still with her. Do you want to be responsible for their breakup? Never ever go with a man that is taken. Surely you don't want anyone take your man, right?

I don't care how charming he is. I don't care how cute he is. I don't care how much you to connect. He is taken! So that means run away from him and stop the contact.

This is your life act as you please. But if you act good in your life good things will come your way. That's just my two cents. Take care.

[CircleC]

Don't be too hung up on thinking he's not interested just because of that phone call. Maybe he'd prefer being in his car with you. But he's with his gf. That could have him in a bad mood. And when you called it reminded him of how unhappy he was. Give him a chance to mention that phonecall the next time you two talk. Don't bring it up at first.

[xycowgirl]

Circle its just the opposite if he acted like he did he is interested.. You dont go cold if your just friends . And that me feel bad because i heard her talk.. now she is real to me.. craps.

[Rosebud]

Circle its just the opposite if he acted like he did he is interested.. You dont go cold if your just friends . And that me feel bad because i heard her talk.. now she is real to me.. craps.

That's not always true! You don't know his circumstances with his gf, she may be the jealous type and any chick he would have talked to he would have to come off as cold to prevent a fight if you know what I mean. I wouldn't look too much into the phone call, but I would still figure out your own relationship and what to do with that before trying to figure out anything with this other guy.

[CircleC]

Circle its just the opposite if he acted like he did he is interested.. You dont go cold if your just friends . And that me feel bad because i heard her talk.. now she is real to me.. craps.

Ok, I misunderstood. But still don't read much into the call. What Rosebud says.

And now everyone knows you have a heart because you care about her feelings. You knew her realness would eventually surface. If she was your friend, what would you advise her? Probably that she should leave her man because he has a thing for a coworker, right? So I don't know how bad you should feel.

[xycowgirl]

Your right i have a heart.. I will take care of my buissness . I can not hurt others.

[CircleC]

Your right i have a heart.. I will take care of my buissness . I can not hurt others.

Of course not. I was saying that maybe you wouldn't be hurting her as much as you think. Your perception is that he is a great guy that you want to be with. So you might think she would feel the same way. But if he is interested in someone other than her, maybe it is best for her to move on too. I was tring to make you not feel bad about your feelings for him.

[Rosebud]

well cowgirl! good luck with everything and I hope it works out for the best!

[whaywardj]

Here's another circumstance (Circle) where playing around with identities in your mind can be illuminating. Cowgirl, you already have this figured out, I'm sure, but by way of underscoring it: Imagine his gf was one of your friends? How would you act? What would you do? Or, imagine you were her and knew everything you (as "the other woman") was doing. What would you think of yourself?

And has it occurred to anyone else but me yet that Taranee and Bluevetteracer might be a good hook-up? Compare their posts.

[CircleC]

I think you clarified my point a little bit, not sure she felt what i was saying. Things always seem clearer (become illuminated) when you can appreciate a few different angles. Seeing it through others' eyes can help round out one's perception. I'm learning the importance of that too.

So, are you the resident matchmaker Hayward? lol, but I see your point. Could be on to something.

[whaywardj]

Not at all. I just noticed how they both "hold forth" at the drop of a hat.

[CircleC]

They might give one another a formidable challenge.

[xycowgirl]

I am putting a little too much in that stupid phone call. It just does not seem natural to me to hide someone if they are just friends. When he asked me for my number and gave me his i asked him if his GF would mind if i called. He said no it was none of her buissness and it was his phone not hers and she could be the one who answered some times. Well it did not sound that way yesterday when i called..
When my BF cheated on me it was not with one of the girls who I knew about. IT was with the ones I did not, he kept there phone numbers hiden away and i did not know of there existance.

I do not feel bad because of the feelings i have for him. Feelings are feelings and i can do nothing about them. BUt i can keep it real cool at work.