The age old question: men with girlfriends and porn : please help

[dickriculous]

Does a guy watching porn mean he doesn’t think you are hot enough and he is not attracted to you

If that were anywhere near true then real life women would never get laid. Especially average and below average looking women. Trust me, men prefer the real thing. If a man ever loses his attraction to you and is watching porn then chances are he would've lost his attraction to you either way.

That said, if it is making you really insecure then you're not doing either yourself or your bf any favors by bottling your angst away inside and hoping it just goes away. You perceive a problem and it needs to be communicated. Calmly, explain to him what you explained to us, be completely honest about it. It is making you very insecure because of what happened in your last relationship, and you can't bear the thought of the same thing happening again.

That said, don't expect him or make him feel obligated to just kick the porn to the curb. This isn't a guilt tripping session, nor is it a bitch-fest. It's an open communication about your feelings, he needs to at least know what they are. There are solutions. For example, maybe you can join in on him watching some porn? Maybe the two of you can have sex with some hot, steamy porn in the background? Maybe that will make you more comfortable with it and show you that you have nothing to worry about? If you're keeping porn out of your sex life out of insecurity then you are missing out.

Or maybe just talking to him about it and getting it off your chest will make you feel better. Maybe you can find some reassurance that your last relationship will not repeat itself.

[smackie9]

You are wrong Michelle...men and women are not equal when it comes to sex and libido. Here's an article explaining it.

http://www.webmd.com/sex/features/sex-drive-how-do-men-women-compare

[dickriculous]

You are wrong Michelle...men and women are not equal when it comes to sex and libido. Here's an article explaining it.

http://www.webmd.com/sex/features/sex-drive-how-do-men-women-compare

Here is one of the first things the article outlines

women also appear to be heavily influenced by social and cultural factors as well.

"Sexual desire in women is extremely sensitive to environment and context

So what if the pussy never got locked away in the bible and kept there by crazy anti-sex extremists in many governments? Do women really have "weaker" libidos than men? Or is "shamed into repression" a more appropriate description than "weaker"?

[smackie9]

No it's scientifically proven to be biological, but of course (as stated in the article) that there are people are going to have more of less drive out of the norm. That article just goes into layers on the topic, discussing things like cultural inviroment. It obvious the studies are not done in a Muslem controlled country.

[anonymous_a]

As long as it isn't affecting your relationship it really shouldn't be a problem. The real issues here is whether or not he is lying about it. You need to be honest in a relationship, even about stuff you won't necessarily agree on. You need to sit down with him and have a calm, real discussion about it, but don't expect him to just stop watching it, cause that is really not practical.

[toknow]

You people are completely delusional if you think porn doesn't negatively affect your relationships.

[Wakeup]

Nothing more to be said really, Op. Talk to him and let him know about the fears you're carrying from your last relationship. You should be able to discuss just about everything with the guy you love so get to convo going and let us know how your open and honest communication makes you feel less burdened.

[anonymous_a]

You people are completely delusional if you think porn doesn't negatively affect your relationships.

It doesn't if you don't let it. My bf watched it every now and again. Mainly when I'm on my period and don't feel like giving him a bj lol. And even I, sometimes do so, if I need that release but am just too tired or don't feel like having sex. Again, this is rare, but it happens every once in a while.

[Cerby]

I disagree with this.....

Yea, I've noticed you tend to disagree a lot, and then replace it with something you read in Cosmo somewhere. Secondly, I'm pretty sure you're making assumptions about the US. Have you been there? I'm going to do something that most people don't do on this forum, and use factual data to back up a post of mine. The US actually falls 4th in global pornography spending, and 7th and spending per capita, which means that not "Most people in the US believe that men NEED porn lol which isn't true..", but instead, that you just made the fact up, likely on the spot.

I like your posts michelle, but sometimes the things you say irk me as you want to sound like you are a professional about something that you couldn't be more wrong about.

These stats are from 2006, a little dated, but not so much that the world has turn the US into the pornhub of the galaxy.
http://www.familysafemedia.com/pornography_statistics.html

[Exeter19]

isn't watching porn better than fcking someone and cheating on you? porn isn't cheating.

[michelle23]

Yea, I've noticed you tend to disagree a lot, and then replace it with something you read in Cosmo somewhere. Secondly, I'm pretty sure you're making assumptions about the US. Have you been there? I'm going to do something that most people don't do on this forum, and use factual data to back up a post of mine. The US actually falls 4th in global pornography spending, and 7th and spending per capita, which means that not "Most people in the US believe that men NEED porn lol which isn't true..", but instead, that you just made the fact up, likely on the spot.

I like your posts michelle, but sometimes the things you say irk me as you want to sound like you are a professional about something that you couldn't be more wrong about.

These stats are from 2006, a little dated, but not so much that the world has turn the US into the pornhub of the galaxy.
http://www.familysafemedia.com/pornography_statistics.html

I was just giving my personal opinion based on the people I speak to on THIS forum. I have noticed people in general from the US on here have an entirely different attitude towards sex than where I am from. Yes sex is a big deal here too but we don't think its the norm to want to go out and f**k anything with a pulse. Its frowned upon by a lot of people. And we don't believe here that if your not getting laid, there's something wrong with you. YC would back up my opinion on this-he already has and so has bears who both live in the US. I am not trying to be professional, I just dont like the attitude towards men and sex in the US in general. It reminds me of watching some stupid American pie film

[Exeter19]

how is your ideas on sex different, michelle? i don't think guys or girls should cheat either if in a relationship. what is the normal age to have sex in ireland?

[michelle23]

I just think its drilled into peoples head in the US that if they are not getting laid, there is something wrong with them and that they SHOULD be sleeping with as many as possible when they are single. We don't have that mentally here. A minority do but in general its frowned upon. Plus all those articles you read about why men are not monogamous and why its apparently okay or normal for men to cheat or to want to are written by American men. And the mentality on porn is different too. The average age here is probably 16/17. I don't think there is anything wrong with that but I just believe that America is run by the media and people believe everything they watch on TV.

When you listen to YC talking about how he is such a failure etc and how he bases his whole self worth on sex it just baffles me coz my bf and his friends as well as the men in my family or guys I went to school with generally don't think or talk that way. I know not everyone in the country is the same lol, I am not being judgmental and I have nothing against American people. I just think its a very different place in general

[horndog]

Is he watching porn? who knows or cares. What I find disturbing is the way you are going about playing detective. Checking the charge light on his computer to determine what he is up too seems a tad bit excessively anal to me. Just ask him

[Wakeup]

Plus all those articles you read about why men are not monogamous and why its apparently okay or normal for men to cheat

Do you have a source for those articles you've read? I've never read anything implying that it's okay to cheat and I'd like to see who is writing such things.

I don't think PUA articles even condone cheating. They often just don't necessarily agree to monogamy.

YC would back up my opinion on this-he already has and so has bears

Two virgins does not America make.