disappearing acts

[tremolo]

I wonder if he is thinking the same things that you are?

That might be the case. Although when I first met him, he came across as totally alpha, mr. confident, he has been upset several times over the attention I get from other guys, and if I act at all less than eager and willing to see him when he wants - whether because of work or whatever - it's like his ego gets bruised and he takes it really personally. After we had the argument I mentioned, he ignored me for a week while I tried several times to clean up the mess we'd made. When he finally responded, he said it had been torture forcing himself to ignore me for a week, and that he finally caved because he couldn't stay away from me. Maybe he's purposely ignoring me because of some misunderstanding where he's got his feelings hurt. That would be really annoying though, since I haven't done anything that should make him feel that way....

[Wakeup]

Well, perhaps it's because I'm old but I DO NOT understand a man or a woman that will purposes hold a grudge and "force" themselves not to respond to attempts at resolution. To me, had he given me that line I would have considered it offensive and a HUGE red flag. I don't want people in my life that "punish" instead of trying to resolve. I would have had that conversation with him and had he repeated that behaviour again, that would be my clue to tell him that the "relationship" wasn't working and given him a goodbye and good luck.

I think you're better off without him and I'm glad you found out early.

Maybe he's purposely ignoring me because of some misunderstanding where he's got his feelings hurt. That would be really annoying though, since I haven't done anything that should make him feel that way

you mean maybe he's purposely ignoring you AGAIN. Ignoring someone when they've upset you, to me, is immature and manipulative.

I'm sorry doll, but neither of you sound like you communicated very well and if you can't communicate then it's never going to work out anyway. Try not to think about him anymore and if you can't stop then do some kind of background check on him to see if an obituary or something comes up on him. That'll give closure.

BTW: I'm pretty sure that an alpha male would not tolerate being ignored in the least. They usually have an abundance mentality and are assured that there are plenty of fish in the sea. Don't let him rent anymore space in your thoughts for free.

[tremolo]

It is taking every once of will power I have not to contact this guy. I just can't understand how a guy can go from professing deep intimate feelings to totally ignoring a woman... how does that happen? Every night when I go to bed, and every morning when I wake up, I think of this man and I wish he was still in my life... I don't understand how a person just switches their feelings off so quickly. How do men do this? I'm so confused...

[Jazzersize]

Did you two have sex?

There are PLENTY of guys who will confess deep intimate feelings if they think it'll get their dicks wet. I'd be married with kids if I meant even a fraction of the crap I've told women. You women are bundles of emotion. It's ironic that you can't spot a phony. Or maybe that's why. Maybe you're too caught up in your feelings to see through the bullshit. Whatever the case, the easiest lie on earth is "I love you."

If you've not had sex then I imagine he's found another woman, is gay, or finds you unattractive.

[tremolo]

We didn't, actually. Although we had great sexual chemistry, and talked often about how great the sex would be if/when we had it, he was very content to wait for me, and most of our time together was spent over coffee or wine, and we just enjoyed each other's company. He made it very clear to me that if he was just after sex, he would have disappeared very early on, but he seemed to be quite in love with me actually... I don't understand why he left so suddenly. Things were progressing so wonderfully... we would have been together in no time... I don't get it...

[tremolo]

I guess he has probably found another woman... that really stings.

[Jazzersize]

When I meet an attractive girl who seems like she needs time before she jumps into the sack I do everything in my power to convince her I don't want sex. I'll keep playing the intimacy card until I have her convinced that I'm different from other guys, that I love her for who she is. Then we have amazing sex and I never call her again. OR it drags out too long, I get tired of the game, and then I move on to some easy slut.

I think you met a player and he got tired of waiting.

[tremolo]

You are precisely the reason I never want to get involved with men again.

[Jazzersize]

Appreciate the fact that I speak so honestly online. Nobody else does.

Besides, if that pic is you, you're a beautiful woman and any sane man would fall for you. Maybe give the guy who isn't an alpha male a shot some time. Decent guys do exist. They just tend to get ignored.

[tremolo]

That is me in the pic, and I'm realizing that it really doesn't matter if a woman is beautiful or not... men are never satisfied whether or not they have a beautiful woman. When they don't have one, they always want one; when they do have one, they always want something different... makes a woman wonder why she even tries, really.

[tremolo]

When I meet an attractive girl who seems like she needs time before she jumps into the sack I do everything in my power to convince her I don't want sex. I'll keep playing the intimacy card until I have her convinced that I'm different from other guys, that I love her for who she is. Then we have amazing sex and I never call her again. OR it drags out too long, I get tired of the game, and then I move on to some easy slut.

I think you met a player and he got tired of waiting.

You should really be ashamed of yourself. You are precisely the reason guys get a bad reputation. You manipulate nice girls who have a lot to offer, and you leave them broken hearted in a heap, and you make them bitter towards nice guys who would treat them well... I ****ing hate men like you.

[Red Apollo]

I don't like to say it, but Jazzersize is probably right. If you guys hadn't had sex, and he was vocal about it not being important, all the while telling you that he was head over heels in love with you, that you were different, he never felt that way before, etc., then he was just telling you what he thought you wanted to hear so you would give in. If he was so in love with you, he wouldn't just disappear. When you said you hadn't had sex, it was crystal clear to me. He wanted it, it took too long for his tastes, so he bailed. It sounds like you found the worst kind of loser.

I can tell just from a few of your posts that you really fell for this guy. I'm really sorry. You need to just forget about this guy and move on. There are plenty of good guys out there that get overlooked. You're pretty, seem intelligent, and shouldn't have any problem finding an honest guy to make happy. Don't let this situation make you bitter, use it as a learning experience so you know what to look out for next time. Chin up buttercup.

Oh, and thanks Jazzersize. You make it so much easier for guys with some sort of moral compass to get chicks. I just love having a girl assume I'm a dirtbag right out of the gate just because she dealt with a guy like you.

[tremolo]

That you Red Apollo for your thoughts on this - and you as well Jazzersize, even though I think you're a douchebag.

I am probably being really stupid, but there's something that's just not making sense to me about all this the more I think about it. I'm used to guys coming on strong and trying to bed me, and then rapidly disappearing when they don't get what they want. That's not really anything new to me. But I don't understand why a guy would hang around for 2 months, visiting a woman 4-5 times a week when he knows he's not going to get anything out of it at the time if he just wants to have sex with someone. If he just wanted sex, it would have been a lot more productive for him to go find someone else who would put out faster and had a space to actually make that happen.

I'm also confused I guess because even if we hadn't had sex, he knew about a month into things that he could have me if he could just find a way to get us alone. Twice, I LMRed him and when I apologized later he laughed and said he knew I would and he didn't care because he didn't just want sex from me, and he knew it would happen when I was ready and he could wait for me. It was only a couple weeks later that I was supposed to come over and we were going to spend all day in bed together, but it didn't happen because his brother didn't leave on the trip he was taking until later that evening. If his only interest was in sex with me, wouldn't he have tried harder to make it happen, and *then* disappeared if he was going to?

I just don't understand this at all.

[Wakeup]

That you Red Apollo for your thoughts on this - and you as well Jazzersize, even though I think you're a douchebag.

I am probably being really stupid, but there's something that's just not making sense to me about all this the more I think about it. I'm used to guys coming on strong and trying to bed me, and then rapidly disappearing when they don't get what they want. That's not really anything new to me. But I don't understand why a guy would hang around for 2 months, visiting a woman 4-5 times a week when he knows he's not going to get anything out of it at the time if he just wants to have sex with someone. If he just wanted sex, it would have been a lot more productive for him to go find someone else who would put out faster and had a space to actually make that happen.

Maybe he likes a challenge? If he was seeing someone else during that time he could have been getting his "needs" met with her?

I'm also confused I guess because even if we hadn't had sex, he knew about a month into things that he could have me if he could just find a way to get us alone. Twice, I LMRed him and when I apologized later he laughed and said he knew I would and he didn't care because he didn't just want sex from me, and he knew it would happen when I was ready and he could wait for me. It was only a couple weeks later that I was supposed to come over and we were going to spend all day in bed together, but it didn't happen because his brother didn't leave on the trip he was taking until later that evening. If his only interest was in sex with me, wouldn't he have tried harder to make it happen, and *then* disappeared if he was going to?

Not if his "brother" was actually his "wife/girlfriend" (????)

I just don't understand this at all.

No, and speculating and wondering and mulling over something that only he can tell you is just going to drive you crazy. Do you even know this guys last name? How did you meet? Did you google him, do a background check on him? He's hiding something or he's hurt or he's a coward who is too weak to tell you that he doesn't want a relationship with you. The only thing you should feel you could forgive him for is if he's injured in a coma and unable to respond to your text. In which case a loved one would wonder who you are and would text you back.. He's in a coma.

Fvck him and the horse he rode in on. He's a twat and you don't need him to give you closure when you know that much.

Google/background check him. What kind of a bloody lawyer doesn't advertise himself? Or, worries about his brother knowing he's got a girl in his bedroom?

I think you met a player and he got tired of waiting.

I'm starting to think the same thing. Be grateful he showed you his true colours early in. Also: If/When he resurfaces, I think you'd be very foolish if you had anything else to do with him after such a disappearance/ignore.

[oldskool83]

could he have gotten scared? oddly i say this because my last g/f decided to basicly do the same thing and ignore me for 3 months. all over nothing besides just bein use to being single and freaking out. i say move on, no one is worth your time and thoughts who cant even simply reply to a text..and if you get the i was busy months from now there was a reason hes being shady. move on, someone else will be out the wanting to spend time with you and not go cold on you.

and to the d-bag posting about how he uses women...your a peice of shit and have a problem.

hows that for a thursday!