Gf txting ex, help/opinions wanted...

[BackUpOrGetStng]

i just think shes gone to far staying in contact with the guy so much, maybe a few messages i wouldnt have been so mad but when there communicating all day i just think its totally unacceptable and i really cant see at the moment how i can let her do it and 4give her, after id change my number etc and the time she was still talking to her ex... im hurt confused and feel very disrespected. im 26 shes 22, shes has tried contacting me 2day and iv ignored her as i want time 2 think things over.. please more feedback!!!

The answer is in your first sentence I think. It seems like you won't be able to get passed this, and I don't think that's unreasonable. I imagine that other things have happened to warrant you checking her phone in the first place as well. If you got back together, would you still feel compelled to check her phone?

[overanxious]

Hi people, thank you for the responses.

i would just like 2 add more details that maybe i should have included in the 1st post,

while we have been 2geva iv had the same mobile number i had b4 we met, ex gfs of mine have txtd me iv told her and shown her, she wasnt happy 1 bit so i told her i would get a new phone and number which i have done this week, also it was her bday last week, i got her what she wanted and spoilt her very much, why im so mad is the fact while iv been saying sorry about exs trying 2 get in contact with me and theres nothing i can do besides get a new number and because im committed to her i have, while im running around buying all her bday gifts etc shes having similar conversations with her ex bf like shes having with me.. at nyt saying night with a love heart and a kiss like she does 2 me etc..

im confused, theres nothing more i could do to be a better bf, she always says shes so happy with me, never been this happy etc..

okay in the messages she wasnt saying anything 2 bad like she missing him nothing like that but not once did she say shes got a bf and shes happy... how hard would have been for her to say dont msg me cos shes knows it not right!

theres no need for her 2 speak 2 him everyday is there? i think they may have been speaking on the phone aswel.

it could have been going on over a year i dont know.

i just think shes gone to far staying in contact with the guy so much, maybe a few messages i wouldnt have been so mad but when there communicating all day i just think its totally unacceptable and i really cant see at the moment how i can let her do it and 4give her, after id change my number etc and the time she was still talking to her ex... im hurt confused and feel very disrespected. im 26 shes 22, shes has tried contacting me 2day and iv ignored her as i want time 2 think things over.. please more feedback!!!

although the intial reaction is probably natural....it probably would have helped had you sought out advice before reacting.....but like i said its natural...i initially was sort of teh same way when i knew my ex was in contact with her ex...although i didnt breakup with her or threaten anything like that.....over time i realized that she had loved him( for all i know she was still pining for him while we were together even knowing they werent ever going to be together again) and they were friends and had spent time together....my ex wanted the same thing between us too after we broke up.......its a chapter of their lives where they loved and shared everything with each other and were great friends....

from what i saw most of their contact was friendly stuff and talking about old mutual friends...so i learned to just kind of roll with it and not really care....she even helped book him a train ticket back home when his aunt died....and at first i was like "what he cant do that himself ...he doesnt have a computer?".....but i think its sort of natural....attachment in some shape or form doesnt just die.....i know after we broke up she would still call me almost everyday....especially when she learned i was drinking again and started smoking....id like to think shed do the same for me or at least contact me if something like that happened to me(even though we dont speak at all anymore.....because our breakup got nasty whereas theirs didnt)......i even like to think/believe at times she thinks about me

its definitley a confusing scenario...you feel how you do and its natural......but her actions may be innocent in nature

[Wakeup]

If you can't see yourself forgiving her for disrespecting you then what is the point of this thread? Stick to your guns and don't go back to her. End of.

.. and if she didn't directly ask you to get a new number then why would you do that? Once again it sounds like you're acting impulsively and then thinking about the consequences afterward. You could have just told your exs what you want your current ex to have done, that being: Tell them to stop calling you.

It's obvious you think she's still in love with him and since its only been 6 months since she had broke up with him, before getting with you that could actually be fact and you're a rebound who she is just afraid to be without because it will mean that then she has no one and if she's the type that has to be with someone (even if its not a happy place to be) then she'lll likely just go back to the guy that obviously still wants and misses her.

Make a decision either you have convictions and you dump those who don't match them or you are without conviction and you do things just to punish only to renege later on. We can't tell you what to do. Well we can but you'll not listen until you're ready to hear.

[VincenzoG91]

The fact that she was hiding the ex under a false contact name is shady, and also indicates that she expected the OP to go snooping on her phone, which is a violation of her privacy. The lack of trust or respect from either side of this relationship suggests that it was doomed anyway. OP, just dump her and move on, and try not to get serious about the next woman until you trust her.

[overanxious]

The fact that she was hiding the ex under a false contact name is shady, and also indicates that she expected the OP to go snooping on her phone, which is a violation of her privacy. The lack of trust or respect from either side of this relationship suggests that it was doomed anyway. OP, just dump her and move on, and try not to get serious about the next woman until you trust her.

ya good point...thats a little odd....at least i know when i saw my ex talking to hers his full name was what came up as the contact( i would have never been the type to check her phone had she not started that whole thing...she initiated it and always did it)

its a slippery slope...i think you have to just accept the fact that you arent the first to sleep with her and have her feel towards you even though youd like to think you are....

i would sometimes make real soft comments like "maybe you should try to get back with him" and shed laugh and say "haha no"....i eventually changed my attitude to say "i get it...it was your first real serious bf..you lived with...i get it..." even though it bothered me a little....i know at least she wasnt hiding it from me...

when we first brokeup and i was trying not to be angry with her she would send me funny pics or videos...or pics of her dog(who loved me more than anyone in her family)...or the dog she was dogsitting that we both dogsat together....even a picture of herself....i think its pretty natural.....doesnt mean she wanted to get back with me