Dating someone who is grieving

[Hooo!]

What would you need in order to have a shot at long term, or: what would be possible steps for you to take so you will start the relationship with a chance of it being long term?

[pcmaster]

This is just a guess OP but could it be that you think you are not good enough and can be better? If so then this is holding you back from sucsess cause what you think becomes who you are. Also you have to realise that you are enough and good enough. Sometimes you just have to love and accept yourself just the way you are. I see you have feeling for this girls but do you love yourself equally strong? Before entering relationship do yourself a favor and love yourself first. They dont teach this stuff in army.

[Casper.]

Thats a very destructing mindset. You aim for perfection, want to give it your best and thats what paralyzes you, makes you invested, makes you crazy and obsessed. As more you try as less results it gives, cause trying too hard gives oposite effect

When I care, I do. I feel like thats my problem, I dnt have much middle ground, i either dont give a damn, or I give everything I have, 101%, and yeah some sort of perfection - i've always done that y'know, as a rower, as a solider, in the gym etc. She's probably the first girl i've ever felt that way about though, well bar like my sister/ my nephew, i care about them, and i would always have done whatever for them, whatever! But other than that she's the first person thats ever made me wanna give my 101%.

I do know what you're saying though!
I guess its a case of finding the balance between 'just doing what comes naturally' and 'learning from other peoples mistakes and not repeating them'.

Maybe instead of trying to give her what you want and thinking you doing something for her this way and falling more in love because of that. Maybe instead of all this ask her what she wants. You want to make sure you both speak the same love languages. You might give her love the way you recieve it but not the way she recieves it.
For example guy might work many hours at work and give his girl expensive gifts thinking hes doing best for her he can. While girl at the same time complains to her friends that hes never home, always tired and dont give her enough attention.

Aye, true! I do feel like, generally, we have good lines of communication though, we talk about everything (admittedly she is a better 'sharer' than me, but thats just a personality thing), and I feel like she IS happy, she tells me she's happy. I think i probably am overthinking.. but i think she is happy, i dont think we are massively lost in translation or anything

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FM7MFYoylVs

I love the chainsmokers!!

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This is just a guess OP but could it be that you think you are not good enough and can be better? If so then this is holding you back from sucsess cause what you think becomes who you are. Also you have to realise that you are enough and good enough. Sometimes you just have to love and accept yourself just the way you are. I see you have feeling for this girls but do you love yourself equally strong? Before entering relationship do yourself a favor and love yourself first. They dont teach this stuff in army.

Its a tricky one right, i do think i could be a better man but then i dont necessarily a bad thing, we should all push to be better right.
But I do get what you mean.. like 'do i think she's out of my league?' ...maybe I do, a little bit. We come from such differnt worlds her and me. I do think that im a good man, and a better man than what i've shown sometimes in the past, and im not an unconfident guy, i think im good looking, i think im funny, ive always benn f the opinion that im a catch buttttt you're right sometimes i'll still look over at her and think i cant believe she picked me when she had suitors queuing up, y'know?

Aye there's a fair bit they never teach you in the army! Lol!

[Casper.]

What would you need in order to have a shot at long term, or: what would be possible steps for you to take so you will start the relationship with a chance of it being long term?

Well I don't have all the answers but I feel like to give us a shot I need to take it slow, I don't want us to rush it and burn out, and I also think it's important not to rush her while she's so vulnerable, I don't want her ever to wake up one day and think that i used her vulnerability to push her into what I wanted!

Other than that, for me to make it long term we need a good connection and good communication and commitment!

[Hooo!]

Well I don't have all the answers but I feel like to give us a shot I need to take it slow, I don't want us to rush it and burn out, and I also think it's important not to rush her while she's so vulnerable, I don't want her ever to wake up one day and think that i used her vulnerability to push her into what I wanted!

Other than that, for me to make it long term we need a good connection and good communication and commitment!

imho tell her that exactly.

[pcmaster]

When this will end you will wish you was much more simpler to her Casper.

Love is being exactly who you wanna be at that moment.