boyfriend's ego

[BoredGeorge]

boredgeorge: please provide some research to support your claim. Having a master's degree in the social sciences, I can say that I've never heard of any research that indicates that it is easier to get a job as a woman. In fact, in the US, women are still paid 75% of what men are paid for the same qualifications, same experience, same position. In many countries in the world, companies will always hire men over women because women are expected to get married, have children, and quit their jobs. If you can't support your claim, then please keep your bigotry to yourself.
then you're out.

You research sucks everyone with half a brain knows that old feminst diatribe is outdated and wrong. I'm into evidence, and real solutions, not tabloid like gloating about statistics that have been fixed, which you do not even properly understand.

75% in relation to what ? How was it measured ?

There is not a credible shread of evidence anywhere, anymore to say women doing exactly the same work as a man will earn any less. And taking time off to raise babies is a choice. Why the **** should an employer spend time and invest money in hiring someone who is going to get up the duff six months latter and the forever take time off work ?

[BoredGeorge]

@boredgeorge: do you really mean it/ see it that way? because the truth is you're making me feel bad. am i guilting my bf? Should i even be with him if that's what making him feel bad? I would never make it if i'm the one who ruined his life



A person's future is at stake here people?

No you shouldn't leave him. But you should stop listening to these yappers. Especially in corporate america, women have it much easier getting into corporate jobs. Almost all of the entry level positions cater to women and it is trendy to hire them into technical positions because they are a 'minority'. The image obsessed corporate world also prefers to hire women. Its just completely ****ed up if you are a young man trying to get in somwhere, it is very, very difficult.

I also think that 'dump him' is what you want to hear so you can date someone with more money or prestige from your work. I am sorry if that casuses offense but that is how I see it and I genuinely feel I am correct.

What you need to do is stop judging, stop pressuring him and subtly trying to guilt him. I know that women do that they sneakily will try to guilt men. For example - making him cook your dinner is a subtle method of guilting him. Your basically calling him a woman and telling him to go out and be a man. Maybe you could just get take away a few days a week ?

At the end of the day it is a hard road for many of us to get started in life. I know I was extremely lucky to get into my career field and I know that many people will miss out but that is not the end of the world. You can always find another path - many of my friends have become bartenders, police officers, are in the army or have gone onto teaching which is better than working in retail or hospitality forever even if not ideal.

Fact is doing these things, and finding your way in life can take time and it helps to have the support of those around you during those hard times, especially during times of unemployment.

You can either be just anothe bitch who dumps the man she supposedly cares about because h wasn't top shit straight away and it was all to hard for her sensitivities. Or you can be the woman that stands by her man, this means that you support him and hope, and help him to improve.

WE generally only get out of people what we put in, so if your boyfriend is worth his salt if you support him he will be grateful. If not then you will know.

But it is better than being a spoiled girl and dump him because he doesn't meet your financial or prestige related expectations.

[BoredGeorge]

wrong.....the solution is for him to work more.

not just a job, but work on being a better man, and lover than his current efforts. WoW, are you for real? I thought that was for greasy kids that go to sci-fi conventions (or greasy men who still have Chewbacca figures in their original wrapping, lol)?

I feel bad for you, but from what you've described here, I believe it's time to take a stand. MVP has set some great ground-work for you (George, as usual, has contributed nothing), but honestly, if supporting him in that way fails I think we both know what needs to happen.

btw, you are NOT responsible for his life and well-being. you're not his mum (mom), your supposed to be his lady. be his rock, sure....but NOT his whole planet.

So basically 'say' that you are there, but then when your needed there run away because it is all too hard... yup... I don't think I need to finish THIS sentence.

[IndiReloaded]

George, I agree with you in principle.

BUT, people have to *want* to improve. Someone playing vid games all day and not out there pounding the pavement is not someone motivated. People who help themselves are worth helping. Otherwise, its just a big black hole for your energy.

As for corporate jobs & women, what you say is true for support jobs and admin. Even middle management these days. Its not true at the executive level. Women in these positions are relatively rare. High-level schmoozing is still very male-dominated.

[BoredGeorge]

George, I agree with you in principle.

BUT, people have to *want* to improve. Someone playing vid games all day and not out there pounding the pavement is not someone motivated. People who help themselves are worth helping. Otherwise, its just a big black hole for your energy.

As for corporate jobs & women, what you say is true for support jobs and admin. Even middle management these days. Its not true at the executive level. Women in these positions are relatively rare. High-level schmoozing is still very male-dominated.

eerrm how do you get to executive level hmmm ?

You start out doing admin and/or support stuff, you go to middle management then you become an executive.

Everyone starts at the bottom doing some sort of admin. My friend is a CA now but in his first job, and at the place where he got his CA he started out doing filing and taking minutes at meetings and researching some of the relevant ACTs, and doing bank recos - again ADMIN.

However, this is entirely different to the work of a personal assistant, which seems to be interchangeable with the term Administration Assistant.

What good does it do an unemployed 23 year old that all of the executives at the top, with 30 years experience are male ? Its just not even slightly relevant.

Granted the PA at my work will develop virtually no relevant skills, but she has a foot in the door if she wanted to make the most of it (but she is ditz so probably not).

[flea]

So basically 'say' that you are there, but then when your needed there run away because it is all too hard... yup... I don't think I need to finish THIS sentence.

wtf? I didn't say anything like that. what I was saying is that people shouldn't expect others to fix everything for them. there comes a time in life when you have to stand on your own two feet and grow the **** up. if you can't do that, then what good are you to the world (or your SO)?

you actually make a good point about 'standing by your man', but eventually, your man has to stand up and stop playing Wo****ingW! this dude is being a child, and I already agreed that she should support him, but flogging a dead horse harder doesn't make it any more likely to stand up and start pulling the cart.

I've actually been in a bad place, and had very loving support from my lady, so I am a card-carrying member of that club. but I took responsibility, and slowly got back into the game and positive things came of it. on the other hand, I've seen lazy dick-wads destroy the good thing they have by being selfish and proud. I believe the op's man falls into this category.

[valhensing]

@boredgeorge: if you are questioning why i'm posting my personal matter on this forum and assume that i want people to tell i should dump my bf. Here is the real reason: i cant talk about this to anybody in my life.

I cant talk about my bf stuff with him anymore because it makes him feel bad. And we have argued too much that i think, it would be better to think through and get it in a conversation rather than keep arguing and eventually break up.
I cant talk to my family because my mother would think my bf is a complete incompetent of a man (we're asian) and it would hurt my bf.
I cant talk to my friends because they would think so about my bf (and they are the people who would meet my bf in person. i dont like what they would say to him).
I cant talk to his friend because they dont care that much/ their suggestions would be for him to go back our country (i'm being selfish here, i dont want him to go back).

I have absolutely nobody to talk to. I need the communication. I need to express it. Saying it out loud would make me feel better than having it inside. You have no idea how much stress i felt less when i can express it on this forum. Plus i might get a good advice, i could see different people's opinions (i'm always social curious).

If you're talking about asking my bf to cook is a bad thing. I agree. So i would have a fulltime job, part time job and take care of my bf and i? A human has limit and this would eventually break us up. I could take the pressure for a few week but seeing my self stressed and my bf playing WoW and still keep going? I'm not god

So this would be my current plan is i would try to cook more often. See if anything is getting better.

[flea]

valhensing, will you stop listening to this tool-shiner? he has no idea what it takes to sustain a relationship, because his piss-poor attitude denies him the chance to even begin one.

seriously though, stop allowing your man to play the victim here, because if you continue to do that you're only facilitating his descent into nothingness.

[BoredGeorge]

@boredgeorge: if you are questioning why i'm posting my personal matter on this forum and assume that i want people to tell i should dump my bf. Here is the real reason: i cant talk about this to anybody in my life.

I cant talk about my bf stuff with him anymore because it makes him feel bad. And we have argued too much that i think, it would be better to think through and get it in a conversation rather than keep arguing and eventually break up.
I cant talk to my family because my mother would think my bf is a complete incompetent of a man (we're asian) and it would hurt my bf.
I cant talk to my friends because they would think so about my bf (and they are the people who would meet my bf in person. i dont like what they would say to him).
I cant talk to his friend because they dont care that much/ their suggestions would be for him to go back our country (i'm being selfish here, i dont want him to go back).

I have absolutely nobody to talk to. I need the communication. I need to express it. Saying it out loud would make me feel better than having it inside. You have no idea how much stress i felt less when i can express it on this forum. Plus i might get a good advice, i could see different people's opinions (i'm always social curious).

If you're talking about asking my bf to cook is a bad thing. I agree. So i would have a fulltime job, part time job and take care of my bf and i? A human has limit and this would eventually break us up. I could take the pressure for a few week but seeing my self stressed and my bf playing WoW and still keep going? I'm not god

So this would be my current plan is i would try to cook more often. See if anything is getting better.

I know you are asian and I do not think that changes anything.

Do you like him ?
Is he a good person ?
Do you only think he is a good person because you are dating him?

[valhensing]

I mentioned we're asian because the minute i mention to my mother i'm supporting my bf financially, she will flip. I dont care what my mother thing but i think it's too much for my bf ego that my mother is thinking badly of him.

I want us to be together!

I even care what boredgeorge think because he's thinking similar to my bf. If there is anything i can say to convince boredgeorge to think positively, i think it will work with my bf

[valhensing]

personally, i think arguing with boredgeorge is like argue with my bf... only save me the trouble that we wont break up because we argue too much )

[valhensing]

so everybody know how the argument between me and my bf's going. He thinks i'm not qualified to talk about it beause it's easier for me to take a job, i dont have the right to tell him to just take a job which pay less than mine, i'm guilting him etc

[valhensing]

so now if i ca find any argument, i'll run i through boredgeorge first, if he still discontent, it will be the same with my bf. *laughing

[valhensing]

@fea. I try to create a comfort zone for my bf (agree that it doesnt do any good) because i was hurt and in denial before. I have to push through it alone without any help and all i wanted was somebody to shield it for me... I'm trying to give my bf something i didnt have (agree that it's a bad choice again). All i want is to lessen my bf's pain and it just backfire at me ToT. For everyone out there in the same situation information...

[mrtdg82]

Ok i havent read to much into this however my opinion is this...

Your boyfriend obviously is suffering from low self esteem however this is no excuse to not go out and try and get a job and work.

Everyone is in the same boat and whilst you allow him to live his life in your shadow as it may seem then he will never change.

He basically needs a kick up the backside and whilst im not saying leave him you have to give some kind of ultimatum to force him to change his ways.

What he is doing is being unfair towards you by wallowing in his own self pity and not doing anything to change himself.

You can offer him help, you are together and communication is very important to make it work. The fact you find it hard to confront him about this shows a major issue in your relationship.