Only gotten past a second date, what am I doing wrong? (Prep for my next date?)

[lovesjoyajm]

It's easy for a date to fall into the boring "fact finding" type of conversation. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?" "What do you do?" "I am a real estate broker" "oh Cool. how is that?"

People don't connect with each other by knowing about facts of the other person.

I disagree. I mean, yes, you're absolutely right that that can't be ALL there is. Chemistry is obviously very important. But asking the "mundane little facts" about the other person can make you feel more comfortable around them, and get you to the point of being relaxed and goofy so you can open up.

I'm just saying, don't discard an encounter just because you talked too much "fact" and not enough "real stuff". It could just be a slow start, give it a chance.

To break that mode of conversation and develop connection with the girl is a skill. I find that if I am in a relaxed, goofy, playful mood; I can break down the walls faster and have her get to know the real me.

+1
Goofy is good.

[starbuck]

This Saturday I have a date with a girl. She is a very nice girl and is friendly and cute. I have high hopes for it but in the back of my mind I am thinking it will be the last time. Do you have any tips to make things go smooth? I honestly, don't know what i am doing wrong.

This right here is your problem. You're psyching yourself out. Stop that.

I think you're overly worried about whether or not the woman is going to like you. You absolutely cannot do that on first and second dates. They are more like the "weeding" out dates. Does that make sense? Open yourself up to the possibility that she won't. But guess what? there are plenty of girls out there, so it doesn't matter. Freeing yourself from the fear of rejection is a wonderful thing.

Don't listen to the people who tell you not to meet women online. Online dating is just another way to put yourself out there and meet people. Just temper your expectations as well as trying to mix in real world methods of finding people and you'll be fine.

I also agree with whoever it was in this thread (sorry, I forget) who said don't chat online after you hook up a first date. Bring it offline asap.

[NeoSeminole]

leadingedge04 says:

"I'll usually try and start a conversation with cute girls in class and get to know them. Eventually, it will come out "my bf (or even Finance) this or that" in a casual way. I'll act casual as all is well while I feel pretty sad in the inside. Last semester I went weeks maybe months chatting with this girl (who decided to sit by me and start a conversation first) and we'd usually comment on the topic that was being explained and so fourth."

that's part of your problem: you take too long to make a move. Of course girls are not going to wait around for you. How do you think each of them got a boyfriend? B/c a guy saw an opportunity and asked them out. Why are you waiting weeks or months to find out if a girl is interested? It's okay to get to know someone first before asking them out but save dating for you two to learn more about each other. You are not in middle school anymore. It's not like you are expected to ask her to be your girlfriend on the first date.

"Yes, I live in rural Vermont where the nearest "meeting place" (Gym etc) is about an hour to hour half away. I've tried to make the best of it by checking out the cute check-out girls at local shops but I don't want to be creepy or anything. I am starting up next semester pretty soon so we'll see how it goes.."

I don't believe you. There has to be places to meet girls where you live. How is it that everyone else is able to find someone but you? Maybe girls lie to you about being taken?

"True, I never thought about just asking them. Bascally what happens is we talk online. We'll meet and then the next time we meet online it'll be "it was fun but now what.." and have nothing to really talk about or I won't see her online for a while, which is a little unusal, I'll log onto my other SN and oh look, there she is online. Obviously I got blocked. A lot of the girls are very very excited to meet me."

stop talking to them so damn much. You probably run out of things to talk about b/c you reveal too much about yourself. There's nothing left to figure out and so she loses interests.

"I don't swear, I am NICE (which when I was younger was hard to find)"

boring. Good luck with girls. The only females you are going to attract are 40 yr old women.

"so I think they might make me out to be this perfect guy."

ha ha ha, riiiiiight.

[NeoSeminole]

another thing, don't listen to starbuck's advice about meeting girls online unless you want to still be single at 40 and wonder why. You are 22 yrs old and surrounded by girls at college. This is the best time to work on your 'game.' If you already have to resort to matchmaking services to meet girls, then you are dooming yourself for when you get older.

[NeoSeminole]

update? You never told us how your date went.

[RSK]

here is my advice: start lifting mad weights, eat right, run, get ripped. and then all you have to do, is were a tight fitted shirt, and show up! lol... right neo??

btw, i'm not trying to take this offtopic, but neo..i've been focused on my weight training, and it is going very well, i'm a pretty big guy as it is, but i'm getting bigger, and my body is getting into shape.

one thing that is not stressed as much in body building, is the mental alertness and awareness i feel. its a mental as well as physical transformation!

anyways, back on topic...i just read what neo wrote: i can't agree more! wish i followed that way of life when i was 22. you are young, remember that. you won't be 22 forever!

[NeoSeminole]

RSK says:

"here is my advice: start lifting mad weights, eat right, run, get ripped. and then all you have to do, is were a tight fitted shirt, and show up! lol... right neo??"

ha ha, nothing wrong with improving your health and appearance.

"btw, i'm not trying to take this offtopic, but neo..i've been focused on my weight training, and it is going very well, i'm a pretty big guy as it is, but i'm getting bigger, and my body is getting into shape."

congrats! Just remember: the key is consistency. Nobody ever ran a mile in 1 step. You'll eventually get to where you want to be.

"one thing that is not stressed as much in body building, is the mental alertness and awareness i feel. its a mental as well as physical transformation!"

it depends on who you ask. Most intelligent bodybuilders will tell you that your state of mind has a lot to do with what goes on inside as well as outside the gym.

"anyways, back on topic...i just read what neo wrote: i can't agree more! wish i followed that way of life when i was 22. you are young, remember that. you won't be 22 forever!"

thank you. I'm honestly trying to help these young guys who are too scared to approach girls and make a move. I used to be like them. So I know where they are coming from.