Happy New Years

[blue toxin]

Frasbee, you're saying like... set a time frame of how long I'll try to get it back together vs just being friends. Something like this... say I set that bar to beginning of March. So if March rolls around, and during all of this time from this day until March 1st I try to hang out with her and do what I can, if March 1st rolls around, then it's time to just back off and accept that what we have (friendship) is all that we'll get. Is that what you're saying?

If that's the case, I don't even know where to begin to set the bar. Blah.

I think she's just trying to protect herself, too. I think she just wants to make sure that she's not a rebound of any kind, even though my ex and I split a couple months ago. Plus I think she wants that firm foundation I spoke of earlier to build off of. I guess we'll have to work on that.

[Junket]

Frasbee, you're saying like... set a time frame of how long I'll try to get it back together vs just being friends. Something like this... say I set that bar to beginning of March. So if March rolls around, and during all of this time from this day until March 1st I try to hang out with her and do what I can, if March 1st rolls around, then it's time to just back off and accept that what we have (friendship) is all that we'll get. Is that what you're saying?

If that's the case, I don't even know where to begin to set the bar. Blah.

I think she's just trying to protect herself, too. I think she just wants to make sure that she's not a rebound of any kind, even though my ex and I split a couple months ago. Plus I think she wants that firm foundation I spoke of earlier to build off of. I guess we'll have to work on that.

Yeah see, it's cool and all if she just needs some time, but if she's gonna take months to years, I'm sorry but if she actually expects you to wait around that long, that's completely unfair. It's not all about her. Don't you forget that, it's about you too. Unless waiting an ungodly (not to suggest that you will) amount of time is your idea of the start of a great relationship, go for it. But she needs to know that you can't wait around forever, whether you like to or not.

Life is short, either take a chance or be ready to lose it. < That's more advice for her than it is for you.

All I'm sayin' man is be careful about bein' sucked up in to some time warp. The longer you wait, the harder may be to break it all off if it comes to that. Afterall, who wants to wait around so long for nothing?

[Zach]

Thats some great advice Fras.

Waiting may not be a terrible Idea but don't wait around forever. There are billions of girls out there and our lives are like fras said, very short!

I think you should tell her everything on your mind, and make sure she knows your over your ex. Make sure she knows that she isn't a rebound. All you can do is tell her from your heart and if she still doesn't accept that then maybe you should move on.

I think your ready for a relationship, but she isn't. Almost but not quite yet.

much <3
--Zach

[JohnsonROd]

"I guess the best thing to do would be to just continue hanging out with her, show her I'm not going to just blow her off like the other guys did, and actually try, because.... I actually care."

It sounds like she's playing the feild... She likes you, but wont start seeing you exclusively...

So you play the feild too... hand out with her, and hang out with other girls too. It's all part of the dance we know as dating.

Sound like you already know this... but do NOT make yourself TOO available for her.

Hope that helps

[blue toxin]

Well, little update. Twice since I posted this her and I have hung out together. We went out for some coffee and ended up spending over 2 hours talking, then I took her home. Next was today, where we went for a 6 mile hike along a river. Very nice day out, had a great time.

But yeah, we laughed majority of the day. We had such a good time together. Soon we plan to hang out again and do the same thing, except going to another trail at a different area along the river. Things are going pretty decent.

But now I'm left with a gray area. I'm trying to determine when the best time to talk to her will be, if I should even be the first to say anything. I've said some subtle flirty comments, I compliment her on the way she looks/smells when I see her, I get the door for her, I offer to buy her some coffee... etc. I'm sure she knows I'm still into her. After all, she said last time she kicked it back a notch with a guy to just "be friends" he just distanced himself and disappeared. So since she's got that last experience in her mind, I'm assuming that I stick out like a sore thumb since I'm still around her and happy and not being depressed or anything.

But anyway, I just don't know when/if I should say anything. I've thought about it lately, wondering if I should bluntly ask her if she feels anything for me, or if she can see us becoming more than friends in the future. There's times I have doubt, and I feel like she's emotionally distant from me and could never connect with me. But then there's other times, where I'm so damn sure we'll be together soon. Part of me wants to wait for her to say something, cause she's an honest and open person and I think she'd open her mouth if she felt like she was confident it was time for us. But on the other hand I want to find out what she feels for me. Blah.

[JohnsonROd]

Be blunt and ask her about it... If she says she's not sure... tell her that you are sure, and it's not fair to string you along...

That should be your point, you can make it sound sweeter of course, but be firm that you want to be more than friends.

If she's just not ready for a relationship, move on man

[blue toxin]

I don't think it's a matter of whether she's ready or not. I think it's more of a matter of, does she feel like a rebound, or doesn't she? I can understand why she would, I mean I dated my ex for five years and I'm not even 21 yet. I mean that's a good chunk of time for someone my age. Granted her and I split a couple months ago, but still, being that we dated for so long I think she just wants to be sure.

But I'm not going to move on that easily, unless I know for a cold hard fact she wants nothing more than to be friends. I'm going to give this all I got, because I'm really into this girl and I won't let her go without at least trying. Based off of how things have been, I think she's very quickly realizing that she's not a rebound at all, that I am truly into her. Things just keep falling into place assuring me of that.

Butttttttttttttttttt like I said, I still have that doubt in the back of my mind lingering. Oh well, hope for the best.

[Gigabitch]

Well, who among us walks through life without doubts? I think things are going well- what more could you ask?

[Junket]

It's all a silly game, but a game that must be played.

Unfortunately, timing these things right can determine whether or not you'll get a positive or negative response.

You're gonna have to try to feel her out all over again.

[blue toxin]

I'm back. Not much has changed. I don't even know why I'm back but I just feel hollowed out and figured it'd feel better if I just felt like I had someone to listen to, so feel free to post any opinions.

But yeah, like I said not a lot has changed. Her and I did go out to dinner last week, and that was fun. We had a great time. Real nice relaxing dinner at her favorite place. Then afterwards she suggested we go down to the river, so we did. We were down there for about an hour or so, just sitting in my car with the heat on, talking, listening to the radio quietly and watching the still water. She made a crack about swimming, and before I knew it she was beat red in the face from laughing as she watched me leap into the river in my boxers, despite the fact it was about 25 degrees 'F out. But yeah, I got back in the car, dried off with the constant rush of heat onto me, then put my pants and shirt back on. She found it hilarious, and still jokes about it today. This happened last week by the way.

Then her and I went on a hike yesterday. We spent about 2 hours hiking, and we got quite a workout. Then we came back to my place and watched a movie. I don't know why, because as I type this I feel like I have so much going for me, however something is just there yet that continues to bother me. I mean, yesterday she apologized for not being more with it. She didn't get much sleep the night before, but then again nor did I. But she just didn't seem in the best mood. At times I wondered if she even had fun being around me. She says she did, and apologized for being groggy, but still... it's one of those things you feel like you can sense, but can't put it into words.

I'm just not sure. This is hollowing me out. It gives me headaches thinking about it. I'm trying my best to just lay low and be friendly with her, so that way she can learn day by day exactly who I am. So far, she seems to think highly of who I am as a person. She's said on multiple occasions that I'm a unique blend. I'm mature enough to balance bills, do a good job at work (averaging about 25 hours a week) and maintain my 4.0 in college. Yet at the same time, I'm not fake, I can be laid back and be a typical guy. Also, I'm a gentleman, constantly opening the door for her and telling her how good she looks. And lastly, I can also do some off the wall things such as leaping into a river when it's below freezing outside. Sure, it sounds like I have everything going for me, but somehow I just don't feel that way. There's times I feel great, like we WILL get back together easily. Other days, like now, I seriously feel like she has no connection with me, and views me as a friend and only a friend and that's how it will always be.

I've thought about asking her, being her and I are pretty open with each other. We've talked about some things that are just... sometimes you just don't discuss with other people! Let's put it that way. But even though her and I can be very open with each other, I just don't know if that will be the best move. I have a feeling it might "push" her, or make her feel awkward around me if I'm asking her if she feels anything for me. I want to just be real casual and be like, you know Michelle, I love hanging out with you, but I have to ask you something and it's just hollowing me out and I can't keep going like this unless I have an answer of some sort. Then, just asking her. I don't know. I thought about waiting till around Valentine's Day, and maybe giving her a rose or something to re-establish to her that I'm STILL there, I still care, and I still want to be with her. Would that be my best bet? Or should I say something?

I just don't know.. Argh.

[Junket]

I feel ya dude.

I know the feeling.

You're dishin' it out, puttin' it all out there just waiting for the fruits of your labor. Some sign that you're not wasting your time.

Like I said before, don't get sucked into waiting for something that isn't going to come to you. Personally, it sounds to me that she might feel like she should like you, but for whatever reason, just doesn't, or can't. I dunno dude, I think you should just be blunt and ask what's goin' on. Don't wait for Valentine's Day. Don't.

[TheElite]

it seems to me like something else is holding her back from wanting to be more with you.

[Junket]

it seems to me like something else is holding her back from wanting to be more with you.

Really?

And how did you come to that conclusion?

[TheElite]

well. i guess it depends on her personality. she might have good intentions for holding off. but she might also have bad intentions

[blue toxin]

Yeah. Before checking for responses here I started thinking more to myself about this. It's to the point I can't even concentrate on simple things. Even if it's a no, I'd just rather know so I can at least move on.

Her and I have this spot that we like to go to. It's along the river, right where I went for a swim. We like going there because since it's cold, we can't really go and lay out along the river, but this parking lot touches the bank, so we park right against the bank and watch the still water from a warm car.

Anyway, there's times already her and I have been down there, and we'll have the seats reclined back listening to some soft music and watching the reflection of the moon off of the river, and it just feels incredible. I'll look to my right and look at her and there's so much I want to say, yet I don't because I don't want to make her feel awkward or push her or anything.

But now is a new chapter. I need to figure out the best way to talk to her, a good opening line to break the ice. I thought about just bluntly asking her "How do you feel about us?" Because, it's subtle, it's not stabbing her in the throat, yet it's a general and sincere question. Then we can branch from there, and she can tell me how she feels towards me and if she sees us going anywhere.

Sound good? I need some ideas. But this single idea I have so far seems to be the "winner" to me. But I want some more opinions. Should I roll with that, or do something else or say something else?