No contact or one contact?

[loveagain]

Thanks for the responses here. Although painful, and I'm still not sure I completely agree with it, I followed the advice most people gave and did not contact her in any fashion. Now that she has contacted me, explained the situation, and we are communicating again. I make no bones that I hope we can have the relationship I want with her; but it may also just be an opportunity to get some closure so we can move on with our lives and remain friends.

Since we are talking again, my focus should be on discussing this with her; but I may check in here or create a new thread in the general forum to ask advice on how to deal with this.

[madfly]

Oof, I'd say try to move on. Sounds like she's vehemently against everything.

[UdoKier]

i just did a similar thing w/ the guy im dating.. i got mad at him n let it build up then blew up at him n told him that "this is the last time u will be talking to me".. except i didnt mean it. but if i was to really not want to talk to a guy again i guarantee he wouldn't be my "friend" on FB. n so she is either playing u for a fool. or she is the fool herself. either way it's lose/lose.

Don't give this poor guy any hope to cling on to. She has shut the door on him, locked it, then welded it shut. The only reason she's still talking to him is because she is a nice person who feels bad for him, maybe is concerned about his state of mind, or perhaps she is super chatty type of person.

[DullLife]

The thing though, someone who doesnt want to be contacted, wouldnt keep someone as a friend via facebook.

Think of it as something like... A girl has this annoying guy on facebook as a friend. He becomes really annoying so she says "stop contacting me, i dont want to hear from you again". She would then remove him as a facebook friend.

I too had the sorta thing with my x (made a thread in this section). But the last bit of contact was because she was totally unsure. Our relationship was indeed healthy, but on the other hand, due to a few factors, like distance, money, and not being able to progress in our own lives due to the relationship shes left in 2 minds.

Although she never said about no contact or stopping messaging her, she kept me on facebook. Shes changed her mind to making a mistake, back to, thinking its for the best. So I had to point out, that if shes 100% certain she wants it to be over... she needs to realise that we would never be in contact again (no facebook, texts etc) and we wouldnt ever see eachother again. Since then not heard a thing (was only a few days ago I sent that).



The thing in this guys situation.... If she pitty'd him... why would she put herself through messaging him again, knowing it would be harder to get over him when she previously had feelings for him? She would be doing herself no favours.


The best thing you can do OP, now shes get in touch with you.... when you speak, dont talk about the relationship. Just general things like how shes been feeling, what you been up to.

This will help her think, weather it will be better off without you both being together, weather she still wants to remain in contact with you and slowly rebuild things, or weather its for the best you do both stop all contact and part for good.

[loveagain]

It's over. It was probably over a few months ago; but neither of us was quite ready to give up on it (or maybe just needed to wind it down without feeling guilty.) We were communicating again for a month (almost to the day) and I was avoiding discussion of the relationship; and perhaps I could / should have waited; but my intuition told me that things were drifting again. She stopped responding to me for a day or so, and when she finally did it was to tell me that she is not good for me, she's depressed, doesn't see us being together, and repeated some other issues I've shared here. She said she considers herself single and I should, too. I plead my case, told her how I felt about her, and that I want her in my life; but then I said I will wait as long as it takes and give her time. She said, time won't matter, and I told her that I need to move on.

I'm heartbroken. I'm a 40-something year old crybaby. This was only the 2nd relationship I've been in since my early 20's and this was the person with whom I really felt I wanted to spend the "2nd half" of my life. Until a few months ago she said she felt the same way. However, the problems were always there, and while my family thought she was very lovely and my kids liked her (she never seemed to believe that), most of my friends thought she was too much trouble. At least I have a good network of people who are supportive.

I don't know that this is the best idea yet, but I've decided to try to jump back into the water ASAP. I've been scouting out opportunities in my social circle, checking out the scenery at a few local spots, and I have profiles active on a few sites. I'm chatting with a couple of women online. I get my children back from their mom tonight for the rest of the summer and I'm slammed at work, so won't have much time for a few weeks at least to get into much, but I'm making the effort.