He could care less if he ever has sex again???

[vashti]

Wow, I am a little shocked by the responses here. It sounds like he TRIES to keep you happy by indulging in sex he could live without for YOUR benefit, but everyone's body is different. Everyone has a different sex drive based on the interactions of various chemicals in their body. This doesn't mean there is necessarily anything WRONG with them, any more than there is anything wrong with you - it is possible you just aren't sexually compatible.

He should have a physical to rule out any undiagnosed problems, and then you should decide if you can live with his sex drive. He obviously tolerates yours.

[cmacattack1]

He could live without sex? I bet you the minute you aren't there and he isn't getting any that he could see in the forseeable future, his sex drive would go up. I don't buy this at all. I see excuses on his part. It's gotta be frustrating being the one to initiate it all the time?

The only experience I have to base it on is from when I was depressed, I didn't care that much and she initiated it all. I also didn't have that passion as well, which is what you mean by emotionless right? After she got fed up with my bs, she dumped my ass. You better believe after not getting it for a while, I could boom boom non stop for what feels like weeks. I was spoiled, selfish, used to having her do it whenever she felt like it and just went along for the ride. It's hard to say it's depression though because everything else seems in line. Everything else is in line right?

If he has problems or issues, he is going to have to want to do something about it. In this current world he is stuck in, one of engagement where you are seemingly not going anywhere for a while, it's probably pretty comfortable to fall into a rut and stay there. Very possible. I'm not saying that you have call off the engagement and make a big scene, but too many times have we seen us men having to lose that comfort and getting our world shaken up to get our asses moving. Usually by then, it's too late.

[InLoveTrouble]

He could live without sex? I bet you the minute you aren't there and he isn't getting any that he could see in the forseeable future, his sex drive would go up. I don't buy this at all. I see excuses on his part. It's gotta be frustrating being the one to initiate it all the time?

The only experience I have to base it on is from when I was depressed, I didn't care that much and she initiated it all. I also didn't have that passion as well, which is what you mean by emotionless right? After she got fed up with my bs, she dumped my ass. You better believe after not getting it for a while, I could boom boom non stop for what feels like weeks. I was spoiled, selfish, used to having her do it whenever she felt like it and just went along for the ride. It's hard to say it's depression though because everything else seems in line. Everything else is in line right?

If he has problems or issues, he is going to have to want to do something about it. In this current world he is stuck in, one of engagement where you are seemingly not going anywhere for a while, it's probably pretty comfortable to fall into a rut and stay there. Very possible. I'm not saying that you have call off the engagement and make a big scene, but too many times have we seen us men having to lose that comfort and getting our world shaken up to get our asses moving. Usually by then, it's too late.

Yes, everything else is in line. I have thought about just leaving and see how it affects him. As a matter of fact, I have even ask him how it would affect him and he replied that he would be lost and sad. So, I ask him why not do something about it before it's too late. I know he has a very short attention span and a very weak self will or motivation level. It took all I had in me not to pack and walk out the door Tuesday night. On the other hand, as you may can see, I am very self motivated and willing to do what it takes. I've been married before and learned so much from the good and bad.

I do believe that if I were walk out the door, it would open up his eyes and see what he is losing. He is very selfish and spoiled...and he just said it about 20 minutes ago before he walked out the door for work. I am glad he appreciates what I do for him, but he need not take me for granted. I'm going to quit doing as much as I do for him and see if he notices that! Or would this just cause conflict? If I didn't do what I did, NOTHING would get done around the house. He does do a little here and there, but just like him initiating sex, it's on his own terms.

I will encourage him to get a physical and go through with the counselor if need be. I am sure some is stress related due to my job loss and with the economy only seems to be getting tougher to find a job. It seems to be worse just like this time last year when I was laid off, but I try to explain to him that sex is supposed to be a stress reliever and a time to enjoy expressing how he feels about me, but seems like it's more of a chore to him.

[InLoveTrouble]

Oh...and as far as emotionless, I do mean passion and the only emotion I really see is upset or angry when I try to talk to him after we lay down to go to sleep. He shuts off and shuts me out. He said I should have talked while he was up and awake, but he just wants to go to sleep and rolls over and does just that...he doesn't care what other people think of him and doesn't worry about it either. One reason other than the sex part that I called off the wedding is because he doesn't seem to be excited what so ever! He's never been married and I'm sure it's all new to him, but he doesn't ask questions about it or even act like it matters to him. I tried to explain to him that this should be something he looks forward to not some dreadful event that keeps him quiet.

He is the one who ask me...he knows how I was scared to get back into a relationship and I told him about everything I went through and that I didn't want it to happen again. I didn't want to be hurt...and here I sit...

[cmacattack1]

Just talking about it isn't going to put the fear of God into him. As proven. Actions will. I promise. Problem with that is, when it happens and the guy is scrambling, is he trying to get you back because he wants to make an effort, or is he getting you back to get into his comfort level again? That's the question. I see alot of myself in this guy and my ex would constantly tell me what I should be doing and I would just let it go in one ear and out the other. Why try when she's going to be there regardless? One day she wasn't, and I was absolutely gutted.

[InLoveTrouble]

Cmacattack1, I have already talked to him about the consequences. I told him not to be surprised if one day he woke up and I was gone and that would be of course if he did not at least show me he was trying to make it better for the BOTH of us. I went to see a therapist on my own, just to see where I should start and she sent me home with a series of questions to ask him...not all of them to be answered out loud, but some things for him to think about. He did own up to not being able to live without me, but as you mentioned..was this an emotional aspect of it or a comfort level scare??? He said he loves me too much to put me through that and wants to go with me next time to see the therapist. It at least shows me the effort he is willing to give it, after months of it taking me to go as far as seeing a sex therapist??? Who'd ever thought I would on a couch in the office of a therapist? Not me!

But, after seeing the fear in his eyes, he said he's definitely got some work to do..(we both do)... next question is...what do you do when he's been nice to me all evening after hearing all I had to say? Is he kissing ass or actually worried about me and/or us now?