My best friend refused my proposal

[Aeradalia]

Any solution?

We've given you plenty... There isn't an 'easy' way... which is what you're looking for. You won't be able to spare your feelings... it's going to hurt A LOT and for a long while... so might as well get prepared.

If you want to get through this you're going to have to either tell her to keep her distance from you -- bite the bullet and endure the pain of talking to her --- or flat out ignore her... even if that means making it obvious that you don't want to be around her.

As for your 'enemy'... well he's a bully... isn't it about time you stand up to him? How long do you want someone else to have control over your life? Even now... you're altering what you do based on this asshole? Ignore him... he isn't worth your time.

Go out... get some hobbies... stay close to friends who will keep you occupied. There isn't any other way to make the hurt stop. You have to distance yourself from her, ignore your bully, and stay as busy as you possibly can. That is how you get over a heartache. Constantly fixating on her or your bully will make it last a hell of a lot longer.

[rohit20]

Yeah Aeradalia, you're right. I've got to do it the hard way. But its gonna be really painful and difficult. Thanks for the advice. But please keep on posting. I'm badly in need of emotional motivation...

[Aeradalia]

Emotional motivation:

Dreading and fearing someone punching you is far worse than being punched.

Dreading and fearing the pain of a broken heart can be worse than actually enduring it.

Staying busy is the best thing... because the mind is a problem-solver and if it is not occupied with something... it will try to solve the unsolvable problem -- your broken heart due to a girl who doesn't have feelings for you. It's up to you to provide your mind with problems it can solve.

That's why you must stay busy...

[Doc Durian]

Hey guys and gals, I seriously need your help with this, so please reply positively. So, I met this girl as a new commer to my class and as my deskmate. Soon we were talking regularly and turned out to be very good, infact best friends. In no time I was attracted by her simplicity and beauty and started liking her. She also showed interest and began being frank and physically intimate to me. We shared lots of good time together, it was all just excellent. We used to be together all the time and all the people around us started thinking that we were having an affair, although none of us had proposed to each other. So, 2008 ended like this. Now when we met in school again this year, I felt that my love was ever increasing towards her. Then recently we went to a school trip where I could no longer keep it in and I asked her out. I was 99% sure that she would say yes. But she gave me a complete shock by saying she never felt that way. I was heartbroken but still I bore it. Later when we came back to school today, my biggest enemy proposed to her and she happily agreed. This all has left me completely heart-broken and sad. Someone please help me and tell me what to after such a terrible double tragedy. More problems arise now: She's my own classmate and still tends to talk to me. And although I try to keep away from her, something or the other happens which again brings her in front of me. My other class mates still think that i'm with her and tease me by her name and break my heart further. Moreover, that enemy guy has turned the situations worse. He pops up anytime when i'm alone and mocks me of my failure. He reminds me i've turned out to be a looser and HE'S WITH HER NOW. Its painful and I'm still living in this situation. Please help!!! Sorry but more's there: She still wants to talk to me which seriously hurts me. She stills holds my arms and leans on me as she earlier used to(although I keep away). What's more, we're not only in the same class but in the same house too; both of our names start with "R", so we both have consecutive roll numbers and we have to share seats for practical classes. So I end up looking at her all the time, and what I feel is only my ever increasing love for her which is still increasing!!!!!!!!! I want to stop myself from loving her that's it. Moreover, it seems that sh's not taken my proposal quite seriously. Even after she had refused me, she behaved as if nothing had happened!!!! She does not know how much her refusal has hurt me and if I go and talk to her about this, its gonna hurt even more. What do I do now??????? I've already written that talking to her hurts even more. I don't know why but I'm afraid something bad will happen if I again talk about my proposal to her. She just behaves as if nothing has happened! We've never talked about IT anytime after it took place. So talking about it to HER is no use. Today too, she tried to talk to me, it hurt me so much. Whenever she talks to me, I get reminded of the harsh fact that she dosen't love me. So I ignored her. But when I look at her again, I still feel tonnes of love for her inside my heart, and reminding myself that its only one-sided stings me a lot. Moreover, that enemy guy is still hanging out with her, so there's no way i can let out my depression to her in front of HIM. Any solution?

Had the same situation minus the mocking, Rohit. Approximately the same age too.

Looking back on it now, I recognize that she was a teen girl who wanted the best of both worlds... a warm quilt and silk sheets...though mutually exclusive of one another.

I can't tell you how many times she oscillated between the pair, or sometimes even combining them during her less than outgoing moments thus rendering this adoring love sick puppy's sanity nil.

That went on for 5 years off and on and it's an emotional rollercoaster I wouldn't even wish on your new enemy.

She'll become tired of him and come back to you, and repeat the process again, inevitably, with the next exciting flavour. You'll have some intimate moments, but they won't endure. It's the dichotomy of the modern female coming of age story and the fallout from thousands of years of patriarchal society. It doesn't make it right though, nor fair.

One day, if she's lucky, she'll have come to the realization that silk sheets and a patchwork quilt aren't polar opposites at all... but a great match or ideal.

Although it'll have been too late and too little. You'll have found someone on your balanced wavelength and the pair of you will be inseparable.

I shunned my pain in the arse. Cut her off and ignored her periodic pleadings as her life slowly descended into the realms of illegitimate pregnancies, welfare dependence, drug fueled binges, alcoholism, MS, and the general accompanying malaise and despair. One of the most difficult things I've ever had to do.. watching from the distance and not saving her from herself.

But with time, I've seen that it was actually I saving myself.

Good luck

[rohit20]

Thanks! That was SOMETHING!

[rohit20]

That was very kind of all of you to share your advices. But I'll be very much obliged if there are more to come. Thankyou.

[Shiro Yuki]

hey! Aeradalia is right. Keep busy. The only thing that keep you from thinking that you love her.

If she shows an attitude that as if nothing has happened, then show to her that attitude too, that you are too busy enjoying your life.

With the bully, let him. Don't mind him. He just bully you because he has nothing good to do, or in his spare time. Just think that you are more mature than him, that you don't take his tease seriously.

All in all, life has stored great things for you. She is just one girl. There are a lot of girls out there, and one of them is more deserving with your love.

Hang-out with your family and friends. Try new hobbies or routine. Just keep busy. =D