Moody Men. Are you one? & What do we do with you? :P

[a19drift]

Probably gonna need it, thanks.

[Tanguerra]

It sounds as though you've got some very good advice here already. I think if the rest of the time the relationship is good and you're mostly happy and there's just this one thing to work on, it's worth putting some time into it to see if there can be some improvements made.

Part of the reason men get 'moody' of course is good old fashioned stress. It sounds as though you're doing your best to help with his stress levels by being supportive, not adding to his problems, helping him out with little errands, etc. which is all good. Men also get 'depressed' from time to time the same as women do, but it's not cool to be depressed if you're a guy. They see 'angry' as a bit more manly. Being outwardly 'angry' is not allowed, so they can become withdrawn and moody, which is the 'passive aggression' thing. It's not attractive, but it's human. We all have our good days and bad days. Nobody's perfect and certainly there are no 'perfect' relationships except on TV.

So, what's going on here I suspect is that your guy is under a lot of stress at work by the sounds of things. The stress makes him feel overwhelmed and he gets tired > depressed > angry > moody.

Step number one: don't take it personally. It's not about you. You sound like you're doing your very best to be supportive and there's not much more you can do in that department without driving yourself nuts or wearing yourself out.

Step number two: Be kind and sympathetic of course, but don't 'overindulge' it. If you give him a lot of attention or otherwise 'reward him' when he's in a bad mood, it will make the bad moods more frequent, not less. Just be a little bit breezy and try not to pay too much attention to it really. As you say, don't add to his problems by making a fuss, but just leave him be. Sure, ask him if there's anything you can do to help, but if he says 'no' just say 'Ok, I'm here if you need me. Hope you feel better soon' and then get on with something else. Go out with your friends, go shopping, read a book, take a bath, do whatever you want. Let him deal with it on his own. Guys prefer that usually.

Step number three: How is his general health? Lack of exercise, too much alcohol, junk food, etc. will do nothing for anyone's mood. Does he get to the gym or get out for a run, etc. often enough? Really, exercise is the best thing for stress and general bad moods and worries. Also, Vitamin B deficiency is really quite common. Lack of Vitamin B will make people moody and irritable. Red meat, whole grains and mushrooms are rich in vitamin B. Alcohol also 'kills' the vitamin B in your system - a little known but important fact. Lack of Iron in the diet will also make people feel tired and depressed and therefore grumpy. Red meat and green vegetables are good sources of iron. Too much sugar will make people temporarily 'up' but comes with an inevitable 'down' afterwards. Maybe try making sure there's plenty of good stuff in his diet or get some vitamin pills as a last resort

Hope this helps.

[a19drift]

Tanguerra - Thank you for your thoughtful and might I say well rounded reply! I forgot to factor in depression, of course. I should mention that he "suffers" (I use quotes because I think he's doing VERY well actually, and is living with, rather than suffering from) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Which has random flares more than every day occurrences. He does very well 90% of the time, unlike others who I know with PTSD. It's not a cake walk living with someone with PTSD, but I knew him before the war and was perfectly happy with who he was, I'm also perfectly happy with who he is now. Simple. Diet...this is such a project. We live in the city so fast and easy is prime here, it's hard to say no sometimes, but we're BOTH working on it. Me because fast food grosses me out, him because he also has Crohn's Disease. We're working on it, is all I can say. I provide and keep around the things he really needs to eat, but it's difficult to force a grown man to eat a salad over a taco! He does take vitamins however, I suppose that's a plus.

I guess I really do just need to work on finding something else to do besides focusing on him, and I need to not take it personally.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I guess I really do just need to work on finding something else to do besides focusing on him, and I need to not take it personally.

Bingo. Let him sulk and bitch, and don't let on that you even notice. Go about your daily tasks, and pay him no attention.

[Tanguerra]

Thanks. Glad if you found it helpful.

Yes, especiallly if he has Crohn's disease and doesn't eat properly he could have all kinds of nutritional issues. Also, if he has PTSD, all the more reason to make sure he does stress relieving things like going out for a run, especially when he's feeling crummy. If he's been in the army he'll know all about what to do to maintain his fitness. It will really make a difference on a number of levels. Obviously you can't (and shouldn't) try to 'force' him to eat stuff, but positive reinforcement (Yum! Isn't fresh food the best! So much nicer than fast food... etc. etc) and setting him an example is the best you can do. He has to help himself in the end.

[bulrush]

I rarely get in a bad mood, like maybe once or twice a year. But when I do, as soon as I notice it, I tell my gf about it, and tell her it's not her fault. If I know why I'm in a bad mood, I tell her. If not, I tell her I don't know why. If I want something, I go get it. Or in the case of a backrub, I'll ask her for one if that will help things. If I want to go hiking with her, I'll ask her that too.

I COMMUNICATE because I wear big boy pants now.

[a19drift]

Hahaha. I think if I told my guy he didn't wear big boy pants he'd tell me where to stick it, honestly.