Virgin boy in love; read my story & please help!!!!!

[LightOn]

The important thing to remember is......Do it for her!

[dan_ford]

Ya hopefully........

I'll see what I can come up with.

[MVPlaya]

Originally posted by dan_ford
Am I a total loser for not doing anything?

I wouldn't say total loser... from the forum where I'm from you're what we'd refer to as an AFC (Average Frustrated Chump) although BAFC is slightly more applicable (B=Below). Simply put, you suffer from a severe case of one-itis, you are desperately and madly in love with someone.

You are clearly new to love and you need to understand something... you didn't make a move, okay. Sh*t happens... but do you want to spend the rest of your life crying over some chick who gave you a paper-cut? I mean, c'mon! How AFC can you get? If you were this inexperienced in love did you really think a girl like that would madly fall in love with you and you guys could stay together forever and marry and have a house on the prairy and raise kids and tender your tulip garden? Didn't think so? Good. This was just some HB (hot babe) that you laid your eyes on and you need to know there are plenty of others out there. As a matter of fact, its good you got your heart broken by her (or, somewhat less good, held in suspense for ages), you need to realize its time to be a man and stop being so loser-ish. There are countless other women out there that you could meet and I am pretty sure from what I've read that there isn't a SINGLE reason why you should think this chick is "so amazing." Her being your soul-mate? Cracks me up. Here is a post on the forum where I come from that changed my life... read it, and be a man:

Be a Man!
Originally posted by Pook
There is a prize to the person who correctly answers this question, What is a Man? When asked what they want in a guy, women say simply, "A MAN!" But, alas!, real men are becoming more and more rare these days. Women are tired of the sensative wimps who have no backbones. One women even wrote a song about the subject, "Where have all the cowboys gone?"

So what is a Man? How should he act? Decades and centuries ago, the question was nonsense. But today in our feminized culture (this may be more in America then in other countries), most of us have been raised to believe that there is something inherently wrong with being a man and acting the way how a man should act. No wonder males don't know how to act around women! No wonder websites like these exist!

Indeed, I embarked on this mystery to find out the answer to this question. Several women were bunched up in a group, gossiping and yapping about cute boys, fashion, relationships i.e. nothing. This behavior extends to all women of all cultures (and also different animal species. Cows group together and moo and gnaw on grass and take notice of bulls brave enough to approach the group).

I approach. "How are you, ladies!! I am the Pook."

A woman squeals. "Oh! It's a Pook!" The others squeal in unison.

Once the ladies calm themselves after being in the presence of a Pook, I ask them, "Ladies! Do tell me, what do you define as a Man?"

With devilish tongues, the women answer:

"A Man is someone sensative to me."
"A Man is the guy who will take care of my needs."
"A Man is the one that is in tune with my feelings."
"A Man is one who doesn't have an ego."
"A Man is the guy who will sit and watch chick flicks all day with me."
"A Man is the guy who will go shopping with me."
"A Man is the guy who will share all his feelings with me."

Such are the common answers! The males listen and actualize what the women say. They are constantly declared 'sweet' and 'wonderful' and 'nice', oh 'so nice'. Mothers and older women are proud of them and tell them, "If I were younger, I would go for you!"

Poor Nice Guy! The women his own age avoid him like the plague and jump for the jerks. The Nice Guy becomes an emotional tampon to be used and discarded. The Nice Guy, being so nice and sweet, listens to the woman vomit her feelings about men and bleed her problems of her boyfriend on him. He listens with baited hope when he hears, "Oh, why can't guys be like you! You listen and understand." Then she turns around and gets abused by another jerk! The vicious cycle repeats again and again.

Why are women acting in this way?

They are simply acting as women do, as in their nature. The problem is not with them, it is with guys. We are afraid to embrace OUR nature, that of being a Man. Being in a culture that sees Manhood as predatory and oppressive and uncouth, we cover it up within ourselves. By doing so, we hide our sexuality. (Sexuality! Do I mean rock hard abs and rippling muscles? That is not what women find sexy [it's a contributing factor, not the core]. A type of PERSONALITY is what women are looking for. Someone they can depend on [has backbone], someone who will be successful [has ambition], and someone who is decisive [has charge]. Nice guys have no backbone because they think women are frail things that will break in confrontation; nice guys reveal no ambition because they fear being seen as arrogant to women; nice guys are afraid to be decisive for fear of being seen as 'oppressive'.)

Two poles of thought men drift into: the Nice Guy and the Jerk. Both blame the other.

"You ruin the women with your lack of commitment and unappreciative nature," says the Nice Guy.

"You spoil the women with your endless listening ear and stupid caring attitude," replies the Jerk.

The two endlessly war. Those on the sidelines have their own conclusions. One side says, "The Jerk is the way to go. Ceaseless sex! Evolution demands it." The other side says, "The Nice Guy is the way to go. Glorious relationship! Society demands it."

But the two still argue.

"You cause the women to think they are in control," says the Jerk.

"Ahh, but you cause the women to think all men are scum," replies the Nice Guy.

Is there not an end to the Nice Guy vs.Jerk debate? Are these the only choices?

The Cycle

The Nice Guy emerges. He is tenderized and wants to shout in every woman's ear "I will not abuse you. I am sweet and good. Based on that alone you should date me." When the Nice Guy talks to the girl on a date, *poof*, the date turns into Oprah. "Oh, my life has been SO downhill from here," the Nice Guy whines. "My little girly car was slashed, I failed my classes, but because of you this day has been so much better." Then the Nice Guy goes, "Let me tell you my life story. My birth was long, hard, and painful for my mother..." Our culture has become so feminized that the Nice Guy thinks it is proper to vomit his feelings and emotions all over the place. (It's gross!) Women, rightfully, run for the hills when they hear your declarations of love.

The Metamorphosis comes. The Nice Guy eventually realizes what all the ladies want, becomes bitter, and changes himself into a Jerk. His goal now is to sleep with as many women as possible and figure out all the tricks and tactics to do so. He focuses on calculation rather then natural joy. When a woman comes, he pulls out a chart of all the 'moves' and 'tactics' with arrows and patterns. He unleashes his lap top, accesses a Lay Guide, and reviews his strategy. Time passes and once was fun becomes meaningless.

Back to being nice. He sees it now as turning on Nice Guy or turning on Jerk. "Why can't I just be myself!?" he soon thunders at Reality.

Just be a Man! There is no need to reprogram yourself. You will have the interests you have, the hobbies you have, the body you have, but you can easily become a MAN. It is all simply in the way how you think and as you think you shall become. But what is Man? Shall we have the answer? Here it is:

A Man is a guy who is not scared of his testosterone!

A Man follows the passion in his life. Passion of women? Of course not. A Man has goals and desires that goes above that of chasing chicks. After childhood, there are TRUE winners and losers in life. A Man desires to be the winner. A Man WANTS to win in what he does. Because of his passion, a Man can sometimes come off as arrogant and egotistical. He does not apologize for this or for his desires.

"It is your actions that cause the disgrace of Men," says the Nice Guy.

"It is yours," replies the Jerk.

No, gentlemen, the disgrace of men is in not embracing your true nature: following your passion and, thus, loving life. Women are to enhance your life, not to be your life. So to the Nice Guy, stop placing your happiness on getting a girlfriend. To the Jerk, quit wasting your life on seduction. Don't SPEND your time chasing girls, INVEST it by putting it into your interests and desires, thus the whole of your life.

When you do this, all of a sudden you have what every woman wants: Ambition, charge, decisiveness, backbone, kindness, stableness, and confidence.

I want you to read what a women posted as what SHE thought was a great guy. (Focus on what I put in BOLD)

(see next post)

[MVPlaya]

(continued from above)

"Qualifications" of a great guy"
1)Physical
A bit athletic so he's in shape and a good complexion(If he can help it). Very focused, intelligent eyes which pay attention to whoever deserves it. Hair that can be tossled...and a relaxed, but tidy wardrobe.

2)Emotional
His attitude has gotta be mostly deterministic and level-headed. If crappy stuff happens to him...he should roll with the punches and learn from it. If he ends up doing crappy stuff then he should get up, brush off and be a better guy the next time round.
-He must also have deep convictions: he should NEVER give up his ideals or morals for anything.
-I know it sounds cheezy, but he must be respectful to his mother(it reflects character)...even if she is witchy like some moms these days.
-And of course:sense of humor, artistic, and an awesome boyfriend.

3)Social
A great guy is the one who offers the girls a chair, opens doors etc.(But isn't a total flirt--he just considers it his duty.)
-A guy should clean up his language around girls.
-He should stand up for people who are being bashed in conversations. That's important to us girls b/c back-stabbing is common among us--and we REALLY notice when somebody isn't a gossip.
-Aaaand my personal thing is that he should be the guy who "could" be the center of attention...but he prefers to hang out with the few guys in the back who are his genuine friends.
Phew...I hope this helped a bit. Physique: as long as it's within the usual bounds is pretty much unimportant.
If you want to get a really great girl...start working on your character and self-control--(not b/c it's you, but b/c those two things are REALLY uncommon these days)--because a great girl is one who's been working on that already and she'll recognize it in you.

A Man has character and deep convictions. He has PASSION in life about something. It is this passion that transforms his life, gives him confidence, and gives him joy. It is this PASSION that will give you that right mindset for you have goals and dreams that go beyond chicks.

Remember, if you cannot command respect, you cannot attract love. If you cannot be respected, women will ignore you and/or abuse you.

Once upon a time, there was a little boy who was scrawny, cried easily, and was a total wuss. At the age of ten, his father looked down at him disapprovingly. "You are such a wimp!" he scolded at his son. The boy cried but eventually discovered what was wrong with him. He worked out, studied, and utilized himself. He went around the world in the most ferocious quests. He became strong and powerful. He entered politics and became an unstoppable force. He would be shot when giving a speech, but he would pull himself back up to continue the speech!

He was President Teddy Roosevelt, one of the more significant characters in America. If that little wimpy boy could become such a character, anyone can be a Man.

What do guys today do? We try to hide our strength and express our 'femininity'. Take an example of guys: early on in a relationship, they will show how 'great' they are by cooking for the woman!

As Anti-Dump said:

A Man,

-Does not go through life walking on eggshells.

Nice Guys think, "Does she like me? How do I get her to like me?" Good guys think, "Should I like her? Should I go for her?" The Good guy doesn't think about the girl's interest until they're dating. The Good guy looks at all the girls and TAKES what he wants.

-Focuses on his dreams.

No, this does not include the chick. You must have passion for something in life, something you even want to do for the rest of your life. Your romantic life is an echo of your regular life.

-Does not apologize for his testosterone, for his desires.

"Oh, I am so sorry, ladies! I am afflicted with this disease known as M.A.L.E. It is natural for me to glance at you, your oh so curvaceous body. I am soooo sorry. Please, please FORGIVE ME!"

Would a WOMAN apologize for her feminine acts? So why should YOU apologize for your masculinity?

-Tries to always win in what he does. (After childhood, there are real winners and losers in life.)

Men build towers; women build webs. If you aren't constructing your tower or aren't even planning it, why should she cast her web at you? If you want worthy chicks, you, yourself, must strive to become worthy.

-Has deep convictions that allows him to be a possible leader.

This is crucial because one day you will become the leader of your own household. Yes, we talk of 50/50, of everything being equal, but Nature's laws surpass that of Humans. Women naturally submit and nurture, Men naturally lead and provide.

If you were a woman, would YOU want a Nice Guy in charge of your household? Or would you want A MAN?

-Seeks to solve problems then to place blame.

If there is a problem, you solve it. You do not go, "Oh, BOO HOO! This was because of HIM." A woman naturally wants a guy who deals with problems, not pass them along. (Would you want that in your woman? Of course not!)

-Sees failure as only a temporary set-back to the inevitable.

Statistically, you're more likely to be REJECTED then to be ACCEPTED. So how do you become more and more accepted and have lots of girls? It is when you increase your trying so much that the acception rate satisfies you and you don't notice the rejections.

Napoleon Hill's book interviewing extremely successful people, these men of destiny did not let failure destroy them. Indeed, Napoleon concludes that Destiny puts out these trials and failures to TEST the men if they are proper and FIT for their role in shaping history.

-Knows where he is going in Life.

True seduction isn't calculation or painful discipline, it is the same as with everything that makes a success: A Passion for Life.

-Never loses his passion, for that would be the death of his soul.

Nice Guys HATE bachelorhood. They HATE, HATE, HATE it sooo much. Some even wish for the old days of arranged marriages so they wouldn't have to put up with all the games.

Jerks LOVE bachelorhood so much they can't see anything else in life. While women love guys that can get women, jerks offer nothing worthwile long term wise.

Alas, the women always try to change the Jerk but never the Nice Guy. Why? Because a Man is STRENGTH and a Jerk displays strength on some level. Nice Guys never do.

-Never feels he has to prove himself to anyone.

Flowers, candy, poetry all can be good additions to a relationship, but so many nice guys use them to BUY the relationship as if they must prove themselves. They flood with the poor woman with gifts to show they mean it.

So away with the flowers, those dead plants as tokens of affection. Away with the choclate, the candy, and sweets, those sugary pursuits to purchase love. Away with the poety, those rotten verses of declarations of love. Away with the quest to prove YOURSELF and let her prove HERSELF to you for YOU are the Don Juan.

Be a Man! And with it, you will advance in your career, your social life, and even your dealings with women. Men are very rare these days so if you become one, you will be in HIGH demand. Your career will become better as people look at you as a leader. Life will re-develop before your eyes for you will obtain the most single quality that men, not trophy husbands, not nice guys, not tactiful players, but men have a monopoly on: Respect.

YOU are the MAN! For if you don't STAND for something, you shall FALL for everything!

[whoa]

Preach on, my don juan brother, preach on!

[thesynergist]

We should just paste "Be A Man" on all of these "Confused, why'd she leave, does she like me, i can't forget about her" posts and be done with it. Way to preach the good word, MVPlaya....

[imissyou]

Originally posted by mandingo


Sit down
close your eyes
take a deep breath
stand up and say
"i am a pimp"

Haha, I'll have to try this one