He won't marry me.

[starbuck]

Last night we talked it over and he straight up said he does not want to get married. Do you think after 3 years if he doesn't want to get married, he never will?

Did he give you a reason? And does he plan to stay in his child's life?

Will he marry you eventually? I don't think anyone here can answer that. It really depends on him.

If I were you, I'd keep a relationship with him so he can help you raise your child while continuing to reiterate to him how important marriage is to you and how it could possibly benefit your child. For example could your child get better health care with his medical benefits? One would hope that if he were a decent guy who was concerned about the welfare of his child, he'd come around.

[Illusional]

well i was going to ask if you talked to him, but you already have. now that you know what his plans are, i would suggest that you move on with your life.

personally i would give him an ultimatum. tell him that you're done waiting. you've put three years into trying to make this work and even got your family involved in this. now it's time for you to take your child and put all your efforts into raising her and starting a new family.

raverboy

[starbuck]

To get married men seem to need:

- fear of losing their gfriend if they don'' propose
-sense of duty if their gfriend is pregnant
-competition with another guy
-gfriend having to go back to her country if they don't
'to be caught in an intense sometimes first time sex relationship with a woman...

Not to nit-pick, but you make it sound like men never want marriage unless they're caught between a rock and a hard place. I think there are some men who want to be married for the same reasons that some women do: love, devotion, stability, making a future with someone, etc.,

[IndiReloaded]

If he won't marry you, then I would seriously consider other options to having this new child. Single mother of one is hard enough, but two--are you financially independent? You'd better be.

[Illusional]

haha personally i think that married doesn't really matter. it's a title that i don't really care if i had or not. if i were with a girl and we had a child together and we were living together, then that would be fine. if she wanted to get married, that would be fine too. on the other hand, "I" would be perfectly with just being in a bf/gf relationship forever.

raverboy

[vashti]

I'm sorry to say that I don't think he will marry you. He doesn't really have any reason to at this point.

You will need to decide whether or not you are interested in maintaining this or not, and act accordingly.

[sookie6]

Not to nit-pick, but you make it sound like men never want marriage unless they're caught between a rock and a hard place. I think there are some men who want to be married for the same reasons that some women do: love, devotion, stability, making a future with someone, etc.,

I am sure they are but I am looking around and can't find any.

I have created a thread on this very same subject asking people about their experience.

We'll see what will come out of it...

[starbuck]

I am sure they are but I am looking around and can't find any.

I have created a thread on this very same subject asking people about their experience.

We'll see what will come out of it...

Yes, I saw your post. It's a good thread-starter. Not that I discount the opinions of our bachelors here, but it makes me wish we had more married men on the forums. Their point of view is underrepresented here. Even so I asked my husband what he thought and will post his contributions.

[sookie6]

Yes, I saw your post. It's a good thread-starter. Not that I discount the opinions of our bachelors here, but it makes me wish we had more married men on the forums. Their point of view is underrepresented here. Even so I asked my husband what he thought and will post his contributions.

True we do have misrepresentation due to the nature of the forum.

I've only lately started to think about this particular issue as before I never really thought about getting married. I realised late in my life I would love being somebody's wife but nowadays men get edgy on the issue.
As I said I don't know anyone who married because it felt right and because they saw mariage as the expression of their love...

I might just have to give up on the idea...seeing men's response on here!

[NRGRL2009]

Thanks to everyone who has replied!!

[IndiReloaded]

As I said I don't know anyone who married because it felt right and because they saw mariage as the expression of their love...

I did.... of course, we also made good, complimentary partners. It helps when the brain agrees with the heart.

[Illusional]

Thanks to everyone who has replied!!

that's what the "thanks" button on the far right is for.

raverboy