The meaning of "confidence"

[Only-virgins]

The way I see it is... If you dont have it and you have to ask what it is then you will never have it. I am not a confident person..I realized though that I dont really want to be. I like knowing my strong points and negative points. I am less cocky and more quiet/reserved. I like that about my-self.

[Airborne]

Confidance and self-esteem go hand in hand, if you have a good self-esteem you will generally be a confidant person because if you think well of yourself you will be confidant enough to do things you may not otherwise do. For example you will go up and ask that girl out because you figure:
"Hey i'm a good guy, yes I have my faults but she has far more reasons to say yes than no."

instead of:
"I'm not worthy! Why would she go for me over that jock?"

Confidance is the feeling that you are happy with who you are and feel good about your various strengths and are able to minimalise your weaknesses, though you still recognise them for what they are, yet they do not bother you.

[Tone]

Your lack of confidence or self esteem can be from a number of things, but dissecting that is just too lengthy, so let's just talk about how to fix your problem.

First, start by doing things in your life that are confidence builders. Go to the gym, work out, set some goals and achieve them. Start small and then work your way up. This is for your self esteem. Do something out of your realm. Step up to the plate on something.

Secondly do not get your happiness or your validation from other people, especially women. YOU must be generative, creative and fun, be the man, and take the lead. Walk tall, stand tall, don't slouch, tuck your shirt in, comb your hair, be trimmed neatly, practice speaking well, and in complete sentences.

If you are scared to talk to women, or get flustered when you approach them, you need to desensitize yourself. Start saying "hello" to just about every woman you pass by. Don't be obnoxious, just say hello and keep walking. If she says nothing, gives you dirty look, or maybe she will smile back, in any event, you just keep walking and don't let any of her reaction bother you. By the way it is good manners to greet someone in passing. "Hello", "Afternoon", "good evening" ect. Flirt with all women, just not the ones you are attracted to. This will make it easier to speak with the ones you are interested in, it will be routine, and you will have done it a hundred times.

So, go buy some red meat, go to the gym, walk tall, speak well, start talking to people, do not take what people do personally, get your happiness from you and your life, be creative, honest and challenge yourself every day to grow a bit outside of your comfort zone. Failure is no big deal, it is far less the regrets, so don't take it personally.

Great post.

[Lloyd95]

It's like "your so f****ng gorgous and I'm so in to you, your intimidating me."

Sorry, can't help you here; I usually pee my pants around beautiful women.

[bluesummer]

I used to be the most insecure person in the world, so I know how you're feeling.
I finally realized a few things over the years however, that changed MY outlook:

1. Nobody's opinion really matters.
2. Everyone fails at something sometime, and no one is perfect
3. Rejection is a way to learn
4. There are people out there in the world with far worse problems than you
5. Physical beauty means nothing if your personality is ugly
6. What you think about yourself is how others will perceive you
7. The people that judge you do it to hide their own insecurities.
8. Money is not a measure of success

When you realize all these things, you will gain confidence.

[Mish]

1. Nobody's opinion really matters.
2. Everyone fails at something sometime, and no one is perfect
3. Rejection is a way to learn
4. There are people out there in the world with far worse problems than you
5. Physical beauty means nothing if your personality is ugly
6. What you think about yourself is how others will perceive you
7. The people that judge you do it to hide their own insecurities.
8. Money is not a measure of success

Bluesummer, well said

[Only-virgins]

1. Nobody's opinion really matters.

Except your own to you.

[Unity]

Great post.

Agreed.

Thanks everyone, even reading your replys has made me feel a bit better. I understand how you mean self esteem is linked to confidence, guess it's how I knew it's part of my problem. I like my self, but I've been hurt a lot, every woman I've had feelings for has made me feel like I should hate my self. I always fall for the wrong ones. Kind of made me lose trust in them all together, I guess it's why I feel intimidated when feelings get involved.

But thanks for your help, I know what I need to do now, I'll get right on it.

[Tone]

Forget and move on.

Not every woman you meet will be like the last.

[indigosoul]

Confidence is nothing more than a state of mind. Turning your question upside-down might help you acquire it. Instead of asking "what is confidence?" ask, rather, "what are my doubts?" Then follow them wherever they lead you and learn to accept, gladly, the full measure of who and what you are.

You know, W, sometimes confidence can be as simple as a denial (real or imposed) for the consequences of a situation. Lack of imagination or refusal to engage such. This useful trick can be learned.