should money matter in a relationship?

[jurupa]

Jurupa, I am noticing you have an unnatural amount of concern about "gold diggers". What is up with that?

I have ran into to them one to many times. Plus I have work in Irvine and Laguna Beach where there are good amounts of them in those cities. So that is another group of girls I don't get along with very well.

But Vasthti haven't you observed when ever you paid for something on a date and how the guy reacted to how much you paid and with what amount? Basically what I am saying besides the gold digger thing, is the other person may express body language that says something about how you spend your money. I bet you have one time or another thought one of your friends spent their money stupidly on something and showed your displeasement about it in some manner. That is more what I was trying to say, besides the gold digging part.

[vashti]

But Vasthti haven't you observed when ever you paid for something on a date and how the guy reacted to how much you paid and with what amount?

I have never paid for a date. I made a rule of dating traditional men who felt good about paying, or at least DIDN'T feel good about me paying. This is not to say I didn't reciprocate, but I would generally cook or something...

[dreamer101]

Money (and more importantly, the way it is spent) tells a LOT about the character of a person. You can tell if a person is responsible, frivolous, ethical, generous, etc. all based on how they use money, so yes, I say money matters a LOT.

and also how that money is earned. yes, i think that SHOULD matter to. but i suspect people (girls more so than guys) only care about how much money the other person HAS rather than the means by which it was acquired, if acquired at all.

[vashti]

i suspect people (girls more so than guys) only care about how much money the other person HAS rather than the means by which it was acquired, if acquired at all.

I doubt it, but this is a matter of ethics. I care very much about how money is earned. Of course, ethical concerns are largely a privilege of the non-poor.

[dreamer101]

Of course, ethical concerns are largely a privilege of the non-poor.

And I agree that it is a matter of ethics. Though I believe that ethical concerns and choices are available to all. It reflects a person's character.

[jurupa]

I have never paid for a date. I made a rule of dating traditional men who felt good about paying, or at least DIDN'T feel good about me paying. This is not to say I didn't reciprocate, but I would generally cook or something...

It might have been a good thing we never went out lol. But the cooking thing would have made up for not paying tho so it may have worked. Because I use a combination of the old and new rules, but I tend to lean to the old rules tho.

[vashti]

And I agree that it is a matter of ethics. Though I believe that ethical concerns and choices are available to all. It reflects a person's character.

I think it is much easier to be ethical when you aren't poor. For example, I don't think prostitution is a "moral" occupation, but if my kids were hungry and I had no other options, I'd sell myself to feed them. You do what you've gotta do.

[Drew_Smith]

it shouldn't, but that doesn't mean it doesn't. I fully accept that there are many women out there who find me attractive, funny, interesting, and invigorating but will not commit to a relationship with me until I have more of a financial stronghold. The downside to being in college is that although you're surrounded by young, vivacious women you haven't got a penny to your name to impress them with. Unless you're parents are rich. And that's where I lose all respect for rich kids.

[dreamer101]

I think it is much easier to be ethical when you aren't poor. For example, I don't think prostitution is a "moral" occupation, but if my kids were hungry and I had no other options, I'd sell myself to feed them. You do what you've gotta do.

I am not being a smart ass, but given that scenario neither is it moral to keep your kids hungry. so you've made the best possible moral decision from the choices given to you. certainly not easy, but the choices were there.
ethics and ethical values to my understanding are questioned and reflect on a persons character when those values are renounced or ignored for trivial reasons such as convenience, peer-pressure, monetary gain, etc. for example a person who resorts to lying to seal a sale.

[vashti]

I am not being a smart ass, but given that scenario neither is it moral to keep your kids hungry. so you've made the best possible moral decision from the choices given to you. certainly not easy, but the choices were there.
ethics and ethical values to my understanding are questioned and reflect on a persons character when those values are renounced or ignored for trivial reasons such as convenience, peer-pressure, monetary gain, etc. for example a person who resorts to lying to seal a sale.

Ahh, a moral relativist. Well, I would say that prostitution would still be an immoral occupation, only I wouldn't care.

[dreamer101]

Ahh, a moral relativist.

ahh why thank you. I didn't know there was such a thing, but I'll take that as a compliment.

[jurupa]

it shouldn't, but that doesn't mean it doesn't. I fully accept that there are many women out there who find me attractive, funny, interesting, and invigorating but will not commit to a relationship with me until I have more of a financial stronghold. The downside to being in college is that although you're surrounded by young, vivacious women you haven't got a penny to your name to impress them with. Unless you're parents are rich. And that's where I lose all respect for rich kids.

Question. Why do you loose all respect for kids that come from rich families? You could say that I do and I am in college. Besides food, my college tuition, and housing, I have to pay for everything else. I just paid off my car with money I earned from working. I have to pay for everything on my car. I drive a Suzuki Reno which I bought new for 14k. I live with my mom as it is to expensive for me to move out and my parents agree to pay my way for college due to the agreement they signed when they got divorced and even tho they don't have to they are honoring it. Yes you can most certainly say that I have benefited from my parents having money. But they also taught me how to manage my own money and did not allow me to ask them for money if I needed it. Because their opinion was that if I wanted money for something, get a job and earn it.

I am just asking this because I am guessing you are not as lucky and have to work harder than the kids from rich families. And I can see why you would have this view. But that does not mean kids from rich families don't get a free ride just because their parent are rich. Besides the three things I listed, my parents are not holding my hand even for the three things they are giving to me for free. If I get a bad grade in college I will hear about it. If I don't something around the house I will hear about it. If something goes wrong with my car it is up to me to get it fix.

[BFTrick]

I think it is much easier to be ethical when you aren't poor. For example, I don't think prostitution is a "moral" occupation, but if my kids were hungry and I had no other options, I'd sell myself to feed them. You do what you've gotta do.

beautifully said. compliments to you.

Money (and more importantly, the way it is spent) tells a LOT about the character of a person. You can tell if a person is responsible, frivolous, ethical, generous, etc. all based on how they use money, so yes, I say money matters a LOT.

Yes, you can tell all of those things, but it is not foolproof. In the summer when i have a good job i spend more money, i go out more, i pay off all my debts, and allow friends to borrow money from me. In the school year i dont have a job and i have zero income. So i spend very little money, i dont go out as much, and make my debtors pay me back.

Of course my character hasnt changed, just my financial situation. I guess what i am saying is dont rely on your ability to judge someone based on their financial doings. It is far too complicated to be reliable.

[vashti]

Yes, you can tell all of those things, but it is not foolproof. In the summer when i have a good job i spend more money, i go out more, i pay off all my debts, and allow friends to borrow money from me. In the school year i dont have a job and i have zero income. So i spend very little money, i dont go out as much, and make my debtors pay me back.

Of course my character hasnt changed, just my financial situation. I guess what i am saying is dont rely on your ability to judge someone based on their financial doings. It is far too complicated to be reliable.

Aren't you a student? This is the way I would expect a responsible student to handle money.

[jurupa]

Aren't you a student? This is the way I would expect a responsible student to handle money.

I am not trying to get down on BFTrick, but the way he is spending money, is a bit irresponsible. Yes what he is doing is logical. You make money you spend more money. You make less or no money you spend less money. But wouldn't it make more sense to save the money you made when you are making it and spend your money as if you had less or no money coming in? This way you will have money when you have no money coming in and you don't need to collect money from people that owe you money. Plus saving your money now will help you down the road for unexpected things that can cost money. And saving your money allows you to invest it as well, allowing you to make or lose your money (hey investing is risky but it can pay off).